Talking Dirty

[Briseis]

Sometimes it starts as a joke, or just saying I really miss him over the phone and wish I could hug him, then we end up talking about other things that we would like to do that we would actually never do, not till we're married anyway. Almost every MSN or phone conversation ends up this way, and its really not a good idea. It makes us more impatient, but at the same time its very exciting to think of one day. Do any of you catch yourselves doing this sometimes?

 

[ImperialPhantom]

I do, but my boundaries are different from most on this forum. Really, it depends on the couple.

 

[Briseis]

It was just a question, not really a problem.

 

[Recievercereal]

Personally my girlfriend doesn't like the whole "talk dirty" to me thing. She'd rather keep it clean and I totally respect that. So since we've started dating I've cleaned up some things in my life.

 

[Briseis]

I was only asking at first out of curiosity, but I might as well discuss a bit while I'm at it. I totally dont mind the talk, its fun. And it doesnt make it any harder for us to resist each other, its just the thoughts it leads to. Its more than thoughts since we are actually talking about it out loud. But is it wrong if we are only talking in the context of "some day"?

 

[Briseis]

Well because it is lust itself, not only leads to lust, it is lust. But it is in the context of "when we are married we can..."

 

[Macrina]

If I were in your position, I think the best thing for me to do -- rather than looking for a reason why it's okay -- would be ask myself why I am doing this. Does it bring me closer to God, or farther away? Does it build up my bf as a growing disciple? Does it honor the Lord and his plans for the relationship? What do I get out of this, and what is the potential to lose?

If I were in your situation, my answers to those questions would cause me to change my behavior in order to better reflect purity and holiness. If the "pro" is getting myself all charged up with no place to go, and the "con" is the possibility of hindering either my walk or his... it just wouldn't seem worth it to me.

While I think inciting lust is inappropriate even under the "when we get married" clause, I want to look at it from a different direction. I've learned -- with various things -- that while I have a great deal of freedoms to do a great many things, sometimes the greatest freedom of all is to refrain. I try (on my good days, ha ha! ) to look at things not from the angle of "can I get away with this?" but rather "is this something positive and Christ-honoring?" In this context, I would look at it from the angle of "seeking purity" rather than "avoiding sin" -- that, I think, gets me pointed in the right direction, and I can go as far as I want towards purity with decreased temptation to sin.

 

[Weasel7711]

Do any of you catch yourselves doing this sometimes?

All the time, and its more often me that brings it up. I am super excited to experience that kind of intimacy with my fiance one day, but its extremely easy to talk about how excited I am, which in turn makes the wait a little harder.

 

[The Princess Bride]

John and I have a very open communication-type relationship, but we've never even jokingly talked about anything "in the future" aside from the fact we want to get married.

 

[Briseis]

John and I have a very open communication-type relationship, but we've never even jokingly talked about anything "in the future" aside from the fact we want to get married.

Are you saying you think its wrong, or you just havent done it?

 

[Briseis]

If I were in your position, I think the best thing for me to do -- rather than looking for a reason why it's okay -- would be ask myself why I am doing this. Does it bring me closer to God, or farther away? Does it build up my bf as a growing disciple? Does it honor the Lord and his plans for the relationship? What do I get out of this, and what is the potential to lose?


While I think inciting lust is inappropriate even under the "when we get married" clause.

I try (on my good days, ha ha! ) to look at things not from the angle of "can I get away with this?" but rather "is this something positive and Christ-honoring?" In this context, I would look at it from the angle of "seeking purity" rather than "avoiding sin" -- that, I think, gets me pointed in the right direction, and I can go as far as I want towards purity with decreased temptation to sin.

I can respect your opinion, even if you had only said you think its wrong, since I dont really agree with the rest of what you said. I dont think that everything in life can honor God, although I do think we shouldnt do anything to dishonor him.

 

[Monaleezza]

Personally my girlfriend doesn't like the whole "talk dirty" to me thing. She'd rather keep it clean and I totally respect that. So since we've started dating I've cleaned up some things in my life.

So how do you know if she'll get down and dirty AFTER marriage? Or do you think you won't need it then after?

I'd want to know that my partner was kinky and that I won't be shocked after marriage when kinky simply doesn't kick in.

 

[Weasel7711]

So how do you know if she'll get down and dirty AFTER marriage? Or do you think you won't need it then after?

I'd want to know that my partner was kinky and that I won't be shocked after marriage when kinky simply doesn't kick in.

I agree with that. It's good to talk about those things sometimes to make sure you guys will be getting in to, what his/her interests are sexually speaking. But then theres those times when you are just really horny and cant help blurting out innuendos.

 

[Briseis]

I agree with that. It's good to talk about those things sometimes to make sure you guys will be getting in to, what his/her interests are sexually speaking. But then theres those times when you are just really horny and cant help blurting out innuendos.

lol, exactly.

 

[The Princess Bride]

Are you saying you think its wrong, or you just havent done it?

I would say it is not wise, because it can allow lust and become a breeding ground for temptation when you are alone together.

I think when you are dating/engaged to someone it is IMPORTANT to ask things like "Have you ever had sex", "What are your standards on purity?", "What are your views on birth control/and # of children?" and "Have you ever cheated on someone?"

Things like that are necessary to know, but they dont leave doors for emotional involvement to hinder clear thinking.

 

[Christiangal01]

it can be a temptation...

 

[Christiangal01]

I would say it is not wise, because it can allow lust and become a breeding ground for temptation when you are alone together.

I think when you are dating/engaged to someone it is IMPORTANT to ask things like "Have you ever had sex", "What are your standards on purity?", "What are your views on birth control/and # of children?" and "Have you ever cheated on someone?"

Things like that are necessary to know, but they dont leave doors for emotional involvement to hinder clear thinking.

Amen!

 

[ImperialPhantom]

So how do you know if she'll get down and dirty AFTER marriage? Or do you think you won't need it then after?

I'd want to know that my partner was kinky and that I won't be shocked after marriage when kinky simply doesn't kick in.

cosign

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

Personally, I think it's something that needs to be avoided. It may not cause problems now, but it will get harder to resist if you continue to feed your lustful thoughts. Secondly, God tells me that to lust after a woman is the same as committing adultery with her, and that goes for women (obviously to men) as well. Be careful, just because it's fun doesn't mean its right. That's my opinion on the matter anyway...

 

[Briseis]

I am refering to the talk itself, not what it leads to. Please, dont imply I am weak. Almost everything comes back to temptation in this conversations. That is not what I asked about.