Talking back?

[Entertaining_Angels]

We are so ready for school to start again here. I love my little guy (six years old) but boy does he know how to talk back. The other day as I was giving him a time out, I wondered what other parents do when their child talks back or says, "No."

So how do you discipline your child when they just keep talking back.

 

[Lena75]

LOL! I know EXACTLY what you mean! Love my kid too, but some quiet time during the day is nice. So having said that, I don't think I can tell you how to discipline your kid when mine is the same. (My son is also 6) Right now they think they own the world and it's up to us to see that they just get the best upbringing we can give them.

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

LOL! I know EXACTLY what you mean! Love my kid too, but some quiet time during the day is nice. So having said that, I don't think I can tell you how to discipline your kid when mine is the same. (My son is also 6) Right now they think they own the world and it's up to us to see that they just get the best upbringing we can give them.

Yes, he does seem to have that "king of the world" attitude right now and I am but a pesky servant.

Eleven more days til school starts...Woo Hoo!

 

[Reformationist]

We are so ready for school to start again here. I love my little guy (six years old) but boy does he know how to talk back. The other day as I was giving him a time out, I wondered what other parents do when their child talks back or says, "No."

So how do you discipline your child when they just keep talking back.

Well, you'll get as many different opinions on this as you'll get replies. Here's mine. The first thing that you should realize is that your child's disobedience is not a personal attack. Disobedience and rebellion is the natural inclination of fallen humanity (this includes children). This is not an excuse, though many parents try to use it as an excuse to avoid properly dealing with the inappropriate behavior of their children, i.e., "Oh well, all kids are rebellious. It's just a stage. They'll grow out of it."


Now that you are know how to view disobedience you are at the part that many parents have difficulty with. This may require that you change you outlook on things but whether you'll do that is obviously a decision you'll make for yourself.

To properly discipline your child you have to learn to differentiate between disobedience and willful defiance. Understand, willful defiance is not limited to blatant rebellion, such as your child telling you "no" when you tell them to do something, but that is most certainly part of it. If, after this post, you desire more input on what is, or is not, willful defiance and how you should deal with it I will do my best to help you figure that out.

The first thing you should understand about the scenario you provide is that it is not nearly complex as it may first seem. This manner of rebellion is nothing more than a test your child inherently knows to give you. The test simply follows this pattern:

• Child's initial checklist for learning:
  
  1) Attempt to defy mommy or daddy
  
  2) Repeat step one until they give in or until they start making the result of my disobedience too unpleasureable

Basically, children inherently try to push the proverbial envelope until they learn where the boundary is. Trust me. It is going to be MUCH better for you AND your child if you establish this boundary early on and stick to it. The further you let them push this boundary the more difficult it will be for you to gain that gound back later.

Now, as uncomfortable as it may make you feel at first, you may have to reconcile yourself to accepting that this may need to be taken to a physical level. If you are completely against that then your options become very limited.

When your child is outwardly defiant, i.e., tells you "no" when you tell them to do something, they are doing nothing more than trying to determine if you are going to set the rules or if they are going to set the rules. If you let them set the rules then they will continue to try to set the rules every time. It is really nothing more than a battle of wills at that point. The axiom "he/she who gives in first, loses" takes on great meaning when dealing with a defiant child.

So, my question to you is, "where do you stand on spanking?"

God bless

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

Overall, he really is a good kid. He has issues related to Asperger Syndrome but because of the AS, he is a rule follower. This seems to be his one real stumbling block.

I don't spank. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against spanking but because I was hit as a child, I choose not to use spanking as a means of discipline. I know this does narrow down what can be done.

 

[Lena75]

Overall, he really is a good kid. He has issues related to Asperger Syndrome but because of the AS, he is a rule follower. This seems to be his one real stumbling block.

I don't spank. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against spanking but because I was hit as a child, I choose not to use spanking as a means of discipline. I know this does narrow down what can be done.

Ah, yes. That does complicate things. I have an autistic 8 yr. old and we also have strict rules and routines to follow. With autism, they think in pictures and take things literally.

 

[Reformationist]

I don't spank. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against spanking but because I was hit as a child, I choose not to use spanking as a means of discipline. I know this does narrow down what can be done.

Well, then I guess you must work with what you are willing to do. First, how do you conduct these time outs? Do you isolate your child? Do you make "time out" an actual "time out" or do you just make them sit down on the couch in front of the T.V. to pass the time?

God bless

 

[HeatherJay]

Talking back is something that is just not tolerated with us. I have a 5 (almost 6) year old and a 3 year old. And, let me tell ya, I know all about the 5/6 year old attitude, lol...mood swings and all. She's a kindergartener now and she just thinks she's hot stuff, lol. But, even though she does have some attitude, she very, very rarely talks back to me or her Daddy. Attitude I can handle...rudeness and disrespect I can not.

I'll just be honest, if she willfully or rudely refuses to do what she's been asked, she gets a spanking. I'm not a tyrant, lol...if she'd like to explain to me why she did whatever it is she's being punished for, or if she'd like to offer apologies, that's fine...I don't consider that back talk...but she still has to go to the corner, or turn off her movie, or whatever the initial punishment was (punishment is not really negotiable). But if she flat out tells me 'No', well, that's just not going to fly. She gets a spanking for being disrespectful.

Really, she very, very rarely talks back to us now (if she does, there's usually something to cause her to act out...sickness, or extra stress). I think it just has to do with consistency. She has never gotten away with talking back or being rude.

 

[bliz]

To properly discipline your child you have to learn to differentiate between disobedience and willful defiance. Understand, willful defiance is not limited to blatant rebellion, such as your child telling you "no" when you tell them to do something, but that is most certainly part of it.

Willful defiance was the one and only thing that was cause for spanking when our kids were little. We spanked very little and our kids were very well behaved.