Taking offense

[Gerry]

I am wondering. Are we ever truly "justified" in TAKING offense? Is it not true that we cannot be offended unless we choose to "take" offense?

Also, if someone who loves you says something that you can twist and then be offended, WHY would you choose to do that, when you know that person has no desire nor reason to offend you?

Yet this does happen, doesn't it? So where does the blame lie and how do we "fix" that?

What about the example of Jesus? Did He "take" offense? How did He react when others tried to offend Him? How should we act?

Is HIS reaction to offense interrelated with forgiveness or is that two different things?

I really need some help with this. Thanks!

 

[altya]

Gerry are you taking offence or are you the one who dish it out?

If you are taking offence then I will say to you don’t take it, let the offence just pass you by, this way its easer to forgive. By taking offence you will start meditating on the wrong that is done to you and you can open up to bitterness. We can really come to a place where we choose not to be offended if someone offends us.

If you are in a habit to offend people then you must taking a closer look at yourself. Sometimes people take offence when you did not mean to offend them, but it does not matter, you must change. I believe we as Christians have to live our lives in such a way that we are not a stumbling block to anyone.

Rudeness and disrespect walk hand in hand. I know that when someone is rude towards us, we take offence. To treat someone with respect is the genuine concern for people in their need to be loved, accepted, and treated with dignity no matter in what state of sin.

Proverbs 18:19 A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.

I am guilty of offending people and by taking offence and this is an aria in my life I do have to change too.

 

[Gerry]

Gerry are you taking offence or are you the one who dish it out?

WOW! Searching hard for the honest answer her as for as me personally goes. I guess it is both. Though I can honestly say I have grown past MOST offences now and I am really making great progress in that area. In fact it has been rapid. Where I used to be quick to jump back now I dismiss the whole thing and barely give it a thought.

I think in my life I am far more prone to be offended by one I love. If I feel like I am less THE most important person in that life, it hurts me. I guess that is an ego thing. I am praying about that and working hard to rid my life of such garbage.

As for as dishing out offense, there again is another area that has changed so much. God has so filled my heart with love, that I do not want to offend anyone. I truly think when people are offended by me or what I say it is because of a real and true misunderstanding. People who knew me a couple of years ago might differ, but God has not been stagnant. He has been very busy, working very hard on me.

I think I am far more prone to be misunderstood in cyber space than in real life. When there is only the cold printed word and no way to see facial expressions or eyes or hear the intonation of a voice, it is to me difficult to express my true self.

I do confess that I do have tender feelings when people get angry misunderstand. But I think it is a human flaw, that most people deal with. Anyway, God is doing incredible things in my life.

Everyday I am learning to love more and more and become less and less sensitive to "perceived" wrongs or injustices. I am truly grateful for the answered prayer in these areas of my own life.

Now that I have answered all this, I feel like I have been in a "confessional". lol. Anyway, thanks for your wisdom and insight. Your advice is good and I will take it. Thanks.

I am looking forward to what others may add to this.

 

[Sharky]

I feel silly giving advice to someone who's wiser than me.

Anyway! Well Jesus wasn't one to take much offence from my point of veiw. His love for everyone is great. Really really great. Superduper great in fact ! i'm sure He does take offence but He will forgive.

I guess offence is all comes down to the person with like a jillion factors such as knowledge of the person, love for the person etc. Can't really explain. Sure is hard to tap into the complexity of human emotions.

 

[AnnMercy2]

About the only thing I take offense at is when my fellow co-workers use bad language or tell off color jokes in my presence. Most of them know that I don't like it and won't do it. And if they really feel they have to, they will tell me to cover my ears. But there are those few who don't care. Usually if I just wait a while, managment will hear them and say something. Saves me from having to say something and get people rilled up. Anyways, in general, I'm really a easy going person and don't take offense at much. It's sad in a way, because over the years I've become desinatized (I think that is the word I'm looking for) Another way to put it is I've become numb to most things. Like TV for instance, ya just sorta expect everything on there to have something bad on it, but as the years go by ya just sorta ignore it. And I think that is a bad place to get to. Some things, as christians, we should take offense too, and do something about it. Sorta like go and warn people if it's something as christians we are opposed to, like if our president is imoral, don't we as a country, and a God given right to have a moral person that leads our country? To set a good example? Aren't we supossed to take offense at certain things and do something about it. I think that would go down the line of holy anger. That verse that says be angry, but sin not. That is the holy anger thing.
Anyways, I think that we are allowed to take offense at things, and go about changing it. I mean I have the right to sit in the breakroom at work and not have to listen to garbage. I believe that people have a right to free speech and all, but at the same time also, it's my right not to have to hear it.
I don't know if I answered the question or not. I hope ya'll can make sense of this and can tell what I'm saying Like I've said before somewhere on another thread, I sometimes have a hard time putting my thoughts into words.

In Christ,
Anna

 

[Blessed-one]

well... taking offence tells you that something's wrong, so that you can go and pray about it and and do something to change the situation, for example, gently noting a fellow friend's mistake without being judgemental; else how to we learn from each other?

taking offence may lead to something bad, like a nail in a relationship. Taking offence coupled with forgiveness, would act as an indicator of what's wrong, and a willingness (via forgiveness) to change it.
..... am i confusing people?

 

[KathyLA]

Before taking offense I try to understand where such comments are coming from. Is someone hurting so bad that they have to try to hurt my feelings or make me uncomfortable to feel better? In those cases I look the other way and don't take offense at all. I just feel bad for the person. I also believe some people are so ingnorant they don't realize or care they are being offensive. Either way, it is really hard to offend me.

On the other hand, I try not to be offensive. I have learned that there is a way to say whatever I need to say with enough tact that I can still get my point across and people are more likely to listen. And sometimes God would just want me to keep my mouth shut at that time anyway. I know that when I want to talk about God to a non-christian that I have to wait for the right moment. The moment when God says they are now ready to listen.

Kathy

 

[Patty]

Originally posted by Gerry
I am wondering. Are we ever truly "justified" in TAKING offense? Is it not true that we cannot be offended unless we choose to "take" offense?

Also, if someone who loves you says something that you can twist and then be offended, WHY would you choose to do that, when you know that person has no desire nor reason to offend you?

Yet this does happen, doesn't it? So where does the blame lie and how do we "fix" that?

What about the example of Jesus? Did He "take" offense? How did He react when others tried to offend Him? How should we act?

Is HIS reaction to offense interrelated with forgiveness or is that two different things?

I really need some help with this. Thanks!

Hey Gerry-ronette!!!

I could just hug you for bringing that topic up!!! Here's a CF hug

I love to say this: To take offense is a CHOICE.
Glad, really glad, to see you say that, too.

I wrote this piece years ago and would like to share it with you:

How to Deal with Criticism

When a person criticizes the behavior of another, it may be appropriate to say to the critic:

"To have recognized this behavior so readily, it must be
quite familiar to you."

This may cause the critic to pause and reflect on his own behavior and to be less enthusiastic the next time an opportunity to criticize presents itself. That is, "let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

If we were able to criticize the behavior of others based on our innocence in such behavior, how many things could we truly have license to criticize?

Before responding too quickly to that question, we must first reflect on our innocence in similar circumstances. We must consider not only our personal behavior, but also the behavior of others whose behavior we have condoned, either through direct support or indirectly, through silent approval or indifference.

If one is truly honest, one will discover that he has committed, either directly or indirectly, every behavior that he readily criticizes.

An alternative to criticism when one witnesses improper behavior is to first ponder one's culpability in similar circumstances. Next, reflect on the consequences of that similar situation. Finally, reflect on how the situation was resolved, for better or for worse.

Now, one is better prepared to speak of or to the offender.

If speaking to a person who has engaged in improper behavior, share truthfully some details of your own experience. Provide this information with love and empathy. Forgive the person as you had forgiven yourself in a similar situation. Then, if appropriate, suggest an alternative option for the person to ponder.


Lend an understanding ear to the person. He may desire to speak of his reasons for engaging in his offensive act. By discussing such things, one often discovers why the behavior was chosen in the first place. Reflecting on these reasons may help someone to make a wiser choice the next time that he is confronted with the same or a similar situation.

Be a friend and brother before choosing to be a critic.

Patty

 

[Patty]

Oh, and I'd like to add:

If the above steps don't resolve the issue satisfactorily, I avoid that person like the plague from then on. If I don't like what a person does, and the person prefers to engage in that 'whatever', it's better to part company.


Patty

 

[Sharky]

If fall else fails, just go

God bless ya mate!

 

[Gerry]

Originally posted by Patty
Oh, and I'd like to add:

If the above steps don't resolve the issue satisfactorily, I avoid that person like the plague from then on. If I don't like what a person does, and the person prefers to engage in that 'whatever', it's better to part company.


Patty

Yes, I like your style Patty. You do have that writing talent, and I do like that "in your face, smash mouth" approach, albeit left-handed enough as to intro the element of surprise, before he can bat an eye. LOL

REALLY good stuff there.

 

[Patty]

Originally posted by Gerry
Yes, I like your style Patty. You do have that writing talent, and I do like that "in your face, smash mouth " approach, albeit left-handed enough as to intro the element of surprise, before he can bat an eye. LOL

REALLY good stuff there.

What Ho!

A Bard!

Forsooth! A Bard thou art, oh genteel man of munificence in verbage.

How comely dost thou turn one phrase to colour man's humble understandings.

Keep thine own graces and simplicity as thou wouldst, kind sir.

For thine is blessed and bestowed with magnanimous and keen profligacy!

Offense not taken one whit when Gerry speaketh to the wereld en forsaken masses which art iniquitous, yet gentle.

Patty

 

[Gerry]

Naturally!