Swimsuits

christianmomof3 · Apr 16, 2008

It is hard to be a parent.
And it is harder to be a single parent. I was one for 4 years.
But, as others said, you need to take control now because it will be much more difficult when she is older. My oldest dd is 15 and she has never had a bikini. And yes, some other girls - even some from our church at an all girls swim party, wear them. But my daughter does not. And that is how it is. She has two one piece suits and a tankini right now. She is going on an orchestra trip and is taking the tankini. But she is also taking shorts and a t-shirt to wear over it.
As far as buying things with their own money, my children know it does not matter whose money it is, if I don't approve it, it does not come into my house - and if they try to get something I don't approve of I will throw it away no matter whose money it was bought with.

Even with rules it is tough. I am having problems with my daughter now because she wants to wear things that I bought for her to wear under things - tank tops - as outer wear. That is against the high school dress code and one day last week I would not let her out of the house in tank tops and a jacket. (It was a warm day and I knew the jacket would come off no matter what she said.) I made her put on a t-shirt with sleeves.
She said I was ruining her day. Tough.
When she is an adult living on her own and paying her own rent, she will be able to wear whatever she pleases. And I hope that she will have learned some proper modesty by then. For now, God gave her to me and I will tell her what she will and will not wear.

GolfingMom · Apr 16, 2008

Christdefinesme said:
Tan lines??? Well, a 10 year old worried about tan lines, sounds to me like someone grew up too fast already, hate to say it.
I would be willing to bet, that's simply her excuse to wear the bikini she wants to wear (and you sympathize, it sounds like). She's still gonna get tan lines, even with the bikini. The only way not to, is to wear nothing at all.
So, imo, that's not a real argument, her excuse, yes, but not legit imo.
I say, if you don't like her wearing them, you should put your foot down. Sorry to say, and I hope I'm wrong (I really do), but with the bikinis, belly button piercing, etc., she's really racing into a world that as a Christian mother, you may not want her in. And you are supporting it.
You set the standard for values in your household, not a 10 year old.

AnyaMa · Apr 16, 2008

Thank you all for these great posts! In my spiritually dry town, you cant even buy a one piece suit for a child! I have to order them online! It infuriates me!

And for those of you that dont worry about boys their age being interested in the girls, you must remember that there are a lot of predators out there And to them, a child that dresses like an adult, or like she is advertising, they are more likely to be drawn to that. That is not just my opinion, but it was on a respected program that interviewed captured perdators, in hopes of warning parents.

Remeber, your kids have plenty of friends. They dont need you as a friend, but as a parent. Its ok if they get mad at you sometimes! (It means youre doing something right!)

heart of peace · Apr 16, 2008

Laurie919 said:

I think this one seems to be okay but a bit on the mature side. It just doesn't have that flighty 10 year old girly girl feel to it.

RedTulipMoon said:

This one does.

When I was 10, I wore one of those suits that connected on the sides of your belly but showed your entire tummy. I don't see anything wrong with bikinis on a tween. I just wouldn't want to see my 10 year old in a suit that was meant for more mature audiences.

Additionally, modesty is subjective in Christianity. One may feel convicted to cover one's hair with a headwrap, wear ankle length skirts, slim to no makeup use and never put on any jewlery besides their wedding band. If this is what that person is convicted of to be closer to Christ, then so be it. However, others may not hold to the same convictions. This does not make the other person any less of a Godly woman.

Rather, to me when it comes to a woman's dress, the questions to answer are:

1) Is my intention to cause others to desire me?

2) Is my desire to beautify myself more important or coming between my relationship with God?

For me, as a tween and teen and even today, my style of dress has been my creative outlet, my method of self-expression.

LovesEnduringPromise · Apr 17, 2008

I wouldnt allow my girls(dont have kids) to wear swimsuits as such, board shorts and tankini tops maybe....but my DH and I dont swim at all in public because of all the immodest swimsuits..and I definetly cant stand the string bikinis either. Its just all a show off of bodies at the beach I believe...I just wouldnt allow it. God has convicted my DH and I not to wear/or be around others who wear those kinda swimsuits. Its like wearing bra and panties out....and you know older guys are gonna be looking at that.

LovesEnduringPromise · Apr 17, 2008

lovesdolphins said:
I think this all goes back to what churches are teaching - or not teaching on modest. Obviously they aren't teaching a lot of people anything about modest. I think Robinegg has the correct idea on what modest swimwear is/should be.

I normally wear a swimsuit - and cover with a t-shirt. Sometimes I buy mens swim trunks - to cover my legs. It has nothing to do with how I feel about myself, it's all about how God feels about what we wear, or don't.

Awesome post! agreed

AJ29 · Apr 17, 2008

Honestly? I would love to be flab-free enough to wear that Abercrombie bikini! It just a little difficult after having 2 babies and NOT having a brazilian wax!!

IMO, nobody should be worrying about tan lines! Get your daughter onto google and find some pictures of young girls (ie - late teens, early 20s) who have massive scars zig-zagging up and down their backs due to skin cancers being cut out!! That should put her off the idea, and if it doesn't, I would hope that it gives YOU the courage to take the parenting upper hand and insist on your daughter covering up in the sun!

A compromise on a more appropriate swim suit sounds like a good idea. Tankinis would be ideal. Even Victoria's Secret has tankinis!!

AJ29 · Apr 17, 2008

Honestly (and to emphasise how serious this is), I think the sun smart issue is more important here than the skimpiness of the bikini!!

Sun damage starts when you are young and is irreversable. Allowing a 10 year old (or any child) to spend most afternoons in the sun with minimal protection, is absolute stupidity!! Maybe the sun isn't as harsh in the northern hemisphere, but that doesn't protect your daughter from skin cancer!!

CrystalBrooke · Apr 17, 2008

Yeah, I'd just get her a tankini...that's what I wear. And she really shouldn't worry about tan lines either..tan lines shouldn't be seen unless your in your undies..or unless the top strap ties around the neck..other than that, her tan lines shouldn't show. YOU are the mother, YOU make the rules, YOU need to approve what she does and doesn't wear and if YOU don't approve than she doesn't get it. Having your child mad at you isn't really so bad. I know you want to be her friend, but you need to be her parent and set limits on her..she'll appreciate you more if you do (not saying that she doesn't already), and even if she doesn't appreciate the rules and limits now, she definately will later.

Sign Of The Fish Burger · Apr 17, 2008

Wow... no way would I allow my 10 year old in something like that. Nevermind the fact that her body is exposed to harmful UV rays.

Let the kid be a kid. Stop trying to "grow her" up so fast. Or at least put a stop to her wanting to grow up too fast. She's a kid. Go down to JC Penny, buy her a 1 peice, a cute cover up, big floppy hat and some stylish funky sunglasses.

You can still be stylish and cute without your body being exposed.

I still can't believe with all the information we know about harmful UV rays that we still parade around in nearly nothing. Forget the tan lines, get some self tanning lotion at Target and keep her out of the sun. Unless of course she desires a life of leather skin and possibly skin cancer?

Laurie919 · Apr 17, 2008

Sign Of The Fish Burger said:
Wow... no way would I allow my 10 year old in something like that. Nevermind the fact that her body is exposed to harmful UV rays.

Let the kid be a kid. Stop trying to "grow her" up so fast. Or at least put a stop to her wanting to grow up too fast. She's a kid. Go down to JC Penny, buy her a 1 peice, a cute cover up, big floppy hat and some stylish funky sunglasses.

You can still be stylish and cute without your body being exposed.

I still can't believe with all the information we know about harmful UV rays that we still parade around in nearly nothing. Forget the tan lines, get some self tanning lotion at Target and keep her out of the sun. Unless of course she desires a life of leather skin and possibly skin cancer?

She does wear sun screen.

I am not trying to rush her to grow up. It is breaking my heart how fast she is growing. One of her swimsuits she came home from the mall with herself. I had nothing to do with buying it. She worked for the money, she went to the mall with a friend and her grandmother and she bought the suit.

I bought her very cute swim suits when she was small because I thought it was cute. I regret it now, because I set the stage for what she is doing now.

christianmomof3 · Apr 17, 2008

Laurie919 said:
She does wear sun screen.

I am not trying to rush her to grow up. It is breaking my heart how fast she is growing. One of her swimsuits she came home from the mall with herself. I had nothing to do with buying it. She worked for the money, she went to the mall with a friend and her grandmother and she bought the suit.

I bought her very cute swim suits when she was small because I thought it was cute. I regret it now, because I set the stage for what she is doing now.

It may be too late to return it now, but for in the future, you can tell your daughter that if she purchases something that you do not approve of, you will return it and refund her money.
You are the parent.
You are the adult.
You are in charge.
You have control.
You do not have to be unkind about it.
You simply have to state the rules firmly.
Tell your child that you set the rules for what is and is not acceptable and that all purchases must meet your approval no matter whose money is spent on them and that you can and will return items that you don't approve of or you may, if there is not a receipt or way to return the item, you may just have to donate it to goodwill or something.
It is not too late for you to take control.
You can explain that you want her to be modest and she may not agree with that, but you are the adult and it is your decision to make.

homeofmew · Apr 17, 2008

I can't stand 2 pieces.
I <3 1 pieces

~Nikki~ · Apr 17, 2008

I wear a tankini and board shorts for swimming.

Hubby and I will make sure our girls (if we have any) will be similarly attired.

And our boys will probably wear rashies too...

Also, as someone else has posted about not swimming in public, hubby and I always pick really quiet beaches. If I'm going to make the effort to cover up a bit, then we feel that it also makes sense for hubby not to be where there are loads of people parading around in what amounts to nothing more than their underwear (his words, not mine).

Anyway Laurie, I agree with the others...you are the parent - your daughter has to do what you say even if she doesn't like it at the time. She'll have plenty of years to make her own decisions, but I don't feel that at 10 years old she should be making them yet.

-~Truth_N_Trust~- · Apr 17, 2008

lol AJ29 - you can tell the aussies, our first thoughts are tan tines? But she'll get skin cancer! (we have very hot scorching summers - with high UV - we're under the hole!)
My skin type means I hide in the heat - lol - and my daughter seems to have inherited it, so rashies and boardshorts for us.

But, the bikini and beach culture would worry me more - I don't know what it's like in the US, but I remember my teen (and tween) days of the girls wearing bikini's to get the boys attention, why else would you wear it??

lucypevensie · Apr 17, 2008

One of her swimsuits she came home from the mall with herself. I had nothing to do with buying it. She worked for the money, she went to the mall with a friend and her grandmother and she bought the suit.

Even if she bought it herself and even if it is too late to return it this does not mean you have to be obligated to allow her to wear it.

This could be a lesson for her in spending money wisely. I am reminded of my 10 yod who recently went clearance shopping with her aunt. She bought with her own money a pair of 2 1/2 inch heeled pumps I resisted the urge to fall down laughing at the thought of my cute li'l kid wearing those things. I told her there was no way she was going to wear those things in public. "But I bought them with my own money!", she protested, "They fit me!" I recommended she return the shoes to get her money back. "Oh nooo". Ok then, but you have just wasted $15 on a pair of shoes you are not even allowed to wear. Oh well. ~~ I think she is planning to save them for when she is a teenager and will then be allowed to wear them. Not sure if she'll still be in a size 6 at that time, but we'll find out.

lovesdolphins · Apr 17, 2008

lucypevensie said:
Even if she bought it herself and even if it is too late to return it this does not mean you have to be obligated to allow her to wear it.

This could be a lesson for her in spending money wisely. I am reminded of my 10 yod who recently went clearance shopping with her aunt. She bought with her own money a pair of 2 1/2 inch heeled pumps I resisted the urge to fall down laughing at the thought of my cute li'l kid wearing those things. I told her there was no way she was going to wear those things in public. "But I bought them with my own money!", she protested, "They fit me!" I recommended she return the shoes to get her money back. "Oh nooo". Ok then, but you have just wasted $15 on a pair of shoes you are not even allowed to wear. Oh well. ~~ I think she is planning to save them for when she is a teenager and will then be allowed to wear them. Not sure if she'll still be in a size 6 at that time, but we'll find out.

ok that is just too cute... hehehe

Laurie919 · Apr 17, 2008

I hate that there are almost no shoes that don't look like tramp shoes for them when they are that age. They aren't little little girls anymore but they don't need to be in 4" heels eithers.

tiredwalker · Apr 17, 2008

Your post shows some conflicting messages. On one hand you are glad that she is a trendsetter, and on the other you say you are sad to see her grow up. She has learned this behavior from somewhere and that is you. If you allow her to read fashion magazine, buy her clothes because of the brand (and emphasize that by doing it yourself), then of course she is going to dress like all of the other over-sexualized people in the mags.

You are sexualizing your daughter. It's plain and simple. If you act like a grown-up and not her buddy, then you won't have this problem. Though, I'm not entirely convinced from your posts that you really view this as a problem. It honestly sounds more like bragging concealed in concern.

Your child will value the things you do. If you take her shopping for the newest in vanity, she will be vain. She's pretty to be sure and in those clothes, the boys are sure to notice. That will make her nice and popular, and very soon (trust me, I taught jr. high and high school) you're going to have to contemplate birth control.

Laurie919 · Apr 17, 2008

tiredwalker said:
Your post shows some conflicting messages. On one hand you are glad that she is a trendsetter, and on the other you say you are sad to see her grow up. She has learned this behavior from somewhere and that is you. If you allow her to read fashion magazine, buy her clothes because of the brand (and emphasize that by doing it yourself), then of course she is going to dress like all of the other over-sexualized people in the mags.

You are sexualizing your daughter. It's plain and simple. If you act like a grown-up and not her buddy, then you won't have this problem. Though, I'm not entirely convinced from your posts that you really view this as a problem. It honestly sounds more like bragging concealed in concern.

Your child will value the things you do. If you take her shopping for the newest in vanity, she will be vain. She's pretty to be sure and in those clothes, the boys are sure to notice. That will make her nice and popular, and very soon (trust me, I taught jr. high and high school) you're going to have to contemplate birth control.

I think your post is a little over the line there. You have no right to say something like that about my child. I have never talked about anyones child. I don't believe in doing that because I believe that you reap what you sow in that area. So, I would NEVER say something like that to another parent.

I very seldom buy myself clothes and could careless what brand they are. I also don't read fashion magazines. So, no she doesn't get her need for clothes from me. I do take her shopping but that is because I love her for her to get "prizes" for the things she does.

I think every parent is sad to see their children grow up.

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