Hi soyness,
I chatted befour on the threads with you about that bad church you used to attend if you can remember?
I would offer a word of extreme caution were you are standing at right now. I fully understand how tempting it is to give in to this overwhelming desire -- but I can promise you if you are a Christian after you have given into the flesh in this way you will feel much guilt, painful regret, and remorse at how you have let your Lord down afterwords. I did, after I fell in this way some years back now. The girl I was going out with at this point was not a Christian and we dated a couple of times and I felt kinda lacking in experance and was curious and it just happened on the second date with her.
The days that followed were full of much emotional turmoil for me. Should I see her again and repeat what I had done? Should I just date her with no sex, the devil was trying to push me down this road. Or simply just finish it?
At this time I was working part-time as a lorry driver partly to have a break from working in the family bussiness and partly to earn some more mony -- I also love driving big machines - HA! Stll a big kid at heart I'm afraid.
Anyhows the first night I went back to work unbeknown to me I was deceitful alocated a load that was way over weight I now belive... It was sooo hard to drive every time I started off in first gear it was like I was starting in third -- it just would not go! As the journey progressed I hit a roundabout late around 10.00pm and being overwight I compleatly lost control on the bend and the articulated truck (brand new worth £100,000+) and trailor over turned doing a lot of damage. I could have been killed but I escaped as I was wearing a seat belt with only minor bruses and a small cut to the the finger.
This whole experance really shoock me up and I am still not sure, but I felt it may well have been the Lord's hand reproving me for my gross sin. I genuinly belive this is the one worst sin I have ever commited. At the very least I felt I had lost the Lord's protecton on my life at that time.
My dad picked us up from the hospital in the early hours of the folllowing day -- I only had mild shock really. As soon as I got home I certany felt my mind concentrated on this dilemma regarding if I should finish it with her or not...
A prayed about it and after repenting felt the Holy Spirit telling me that unless I finished it with her I would certanly repeat my gross sin of fornication. So I phoned her up and told her planly that I was a Christian and what had taken place the other night was incompatable with my stroung moral beliefs and the God I belived in. I explained all this with gentleness and much sensitivity. She was naturally very upset but who was really more inportant here? Her hurt feelings or my obediance to my Heavenly Father?
It must always be God. He must allways come first in ALL things -- if they are big or just small and appear insignificant. My position as a son of His made it an untenable position I was currently in. I could not keep repeating this very sinfull act. The way out was not to associate with a person who was likley to couse me to keep repeating this sin.
I know find it is a lot safer to go out only with Christian women and not non belivers. Obvously I can not force you how to live your life... I just offer these words in non judgmentalness, but if you do persue a sexuall relationship outside marrage as a Christian I think it will cause you much grief in the longer run -- much mentel angush -- It did me for the very short time I did it.
I do not make a claim in anyway to be perfect, far from it! But my love for the Lord makes tasting the fruits of sin very bitter in the mouth, though the fruit can look very tempting the way satan offers it to us as Christians. It is his primary objective to intice us to sin against the one who loves and cares for us more than anyone else in this world... even our earthly parents...
My feelings were;
How could I turn away from His love when I need Him everday?
God bless you -- take care
Barnabas
