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Surreal Serenity

delicate_flower

~fading into seraphic sorrow~
Jan 5, 2004
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I'm not sure if this belongs here in the poetry forum. It's too short for a short story, I think; and it's not really a poem. But I am so used to writing poetry that I decided to post here, maybe a few of my friends will read it? Anyway, I have posted this on my personal website but I thought that I should share it with you. :) There is a picture of a girl on my site and I wrote this to describe what I thought she was feeling. This is my little version of freewriting. Tell me what you think.

.::Surreal Serenity::.

A breath of wind leaves a lonely touch, and a silent song fills the heart with sadness. Her deadened heart's sigh has reached beyond her years, and yet again she sees that the light is taken away. The never-ending circle of deceit and sour tendencies reach out toward her tender soul. Where is she to go? What is she to do? She has yet to see a familiar face peek through the darkness. Again she walks alone reviewing the words of her life. Why was her heart coated in pink sugar and dipped into a pool of the sweetest honey? Why was she the one to suffer with the bittersweet pain? At one time her thoughts did flower endlessly with surupy rose petals, the loveliness of lust and faithless hope swirled deeply in her heart. But the pickings of her painted lie clawed deeper and deeper into her skin... and now she feels she cannot hold on much longer. The night glows from the slits buried deep in her soul, and she must be silent as the fear peaks from the corners of her eyes. Slowly she fades into a boundless abyss; slowly the tears sear into her eyes. She looks up above toward the tortured sky, and she cries for the mercy of God to please look upon her! But no longer does He see the little girl without a purpose; no longer can He see the girl with a lonely spirit. Every eye on earth may look upon her presence, but they will never notice a single drop of blood or a tiny lock of hair... She no longer has an existance that is worthy of any eye; she no longer has a soul that is felt by any heart. The serene melody she once played beneath the stars at night can no longer be heard by any longing ear. Her song is forever muffled and blurred, and her voice will never be able to speak another word. She sits alone in her cage, swinging from one end to the next, never allowing herself to go forth and fly. Her soul rots inside her rusty cage and her eyes fade from feathers to lead. The summer days of the majestic songbird come to an abrupt end, now her somber days have come into light. She will be remembered and she will be missed, but along with the love that has died inside her soul and her heart, she will forever be silent... and eventually, she will be forgotten.
 
N

NObleseas

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Dear Surreal:

I truly loved your writing: existential angst. Deep longing for truth.

Also, I read your profile. Please don't stop your quote of Matthew there. It continues; "...for whatever you use to judge that is what you will be judged by.' Forgive my paraphrase. If you are a Christian then you are judged by the vicarious death of the Lord Jesus as stated in Scripture. Either of which is a righteous standard by which to judge.

Please don't be confused and "...tossed about by every wind of doctrine". The Bible is THE TRUTH" for it talks about He is is THE TRUTH. Please, Surreal, your Serenity can be found only in Him.

A Brother in Christ
 
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Silver Saint

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It feels like a waking dream. The symbolism is always moving around a constant theme, yet is fluid in itself. Much like the pain and emptiness articulated here.
From a techical veiwpoint, the only think I could think of were a few wording problems. The only one really worth mentioning is the phrase that has 'tendancies' and 'tender' in it. The way these two words sound alike in the same sentance just felt odd to me.
Hope I helped.
Go with God.



I am aware,
Isacc
 
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Quixotic the Pedestrian

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simply beautiful. I think it belongs in the exact place you posted it ;). DF, I know you're only 16, but you should consider putting together a book and having it published. Hearing your words I don't believe you will have any problem with this at all.
 
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