Supporting someone with Bipolar Disorder

[AllisonWonderland]

Deleted

 

[bsd31]

Here's the story
My boyfriend was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about a month ago. He spent a little over two weeks in the hospital and had some manic episodes... The signs started about a week before he was admited, but before that no one had ever noticed anything before. I guess it's good that it was caught to early!!! He is now taking lithium, and one other medication (can't remember the name..) and is going to a counselor every week. He has been making progress since he got out of the hospital although there has been one set back recently... He was taking vitamins that had something in them that counteracted with his meds. We took him back to the hospital, and they didn't seem to concerned as long as he gets off the vitamins and doesn't have caffine. Also he's been having a lot of overwhelming anxiety since he's come home! He hasn't been able to go back to work and gets very anxious when he goes places recently. Although sometimes he does okay. He has a doctor's appointment soon, and I think they may change his medicine up.

Anyway, I was just wondering how long it normally takes when a person is dignosed with BPD to become okay again. Or if they ever are TRUELY the same again. Will we be able to enjoy a normal happy life together?

I'm trying to be supportive of him and help him in every way I can. So how can I best help him?

I hope this wasn't too long. I just really need some encouragement right now!

He'll never become "okay" again. It's incurable. Medicine can help but they won't put him back to how he was prior to being inflicted.

I can't speak to if you'll enjoy a normal happy life together. In my own experience most people can't handle it after a while. They try but it's usually too much for them.

 

[AllisonWonderland]

deleted

 

[bsd31]

Well, that sounds hopeless...

Far from hopeless but a lot of it depends on your personality and how well you handle it. For him, it will become his personality. It will define him. Don't know how, because different people react in different ways to it. I became very distant and aloof. Some people become clingy and emotional, others there's hardly any noticeable change.

 

[madison1101]

Bipolar disorder is incurable, because of the brain's chemistry. It may take a while for the docs to determine exactly what medication regimen is best. It took me a long time, but I am on the right meds for me, and if I deviate from the dosage my doc recommends, I suffer. If I go through extreme stress, like a death in the family, or some other trauma, I call my doc and he lets me increase one of my meds to get me through that time period.

Therapy can teach your boyfriend coping strategies for the times when he has to deal with negative affect, or extreme emotions like the anxiety he describes. Marsha Linehan has a list of coping mechanisms listed in a book she wrote for borderline personality disorder work. I believe those behaviors would help anyone, and have tried to implement some of them for myself. You can google her, and see if you can find them. I know they are available on the Internet. I have the actual book, which is a workbook for Dialectical Behavior Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder.

The key thing is to be prepared for a roller coaster ride. My mother, and two brothers had this, and I was just recently diagnosed with it, after being in therapy for over 20 years for borderline personality. The hardest thing will be to not personalize his negative behavior, especially if he is manic. When I look back on my teen years, I was in constant conflict with my mother, not understanding that it was her bipolar disorder that caused her to be so hateful, and that deep down she did love me. Hard for a teenager to grasp.

Also, the best advice I can give is to be sure you do not see yourself as someone who can help cure him. I have seen many couples where the healthier person thought that if they loved the mentally ill partner enough, or did this, that or the other thing, it would make the sick person well.

Finally, be prepared to protect yourself from the mania that goes with this disease. My mother threw things at me as a kid. My brother walked in front of a moving bus, and destroyed expensive property that belonged to his boss. He also threw away most of his personal belongings during one episode. A lack of impulse control can accompany manic episodes, and I charged a lot on credit cards, ending up in bankruptcy.

Oh, if your boyfriend drinks alcohol, or abuses drugs, be prepared to communicate healthy boundaries with him. Dual diagnoses is a tough issue, and I speak from personal experience.

Do not hesitate to call 911, or to take your boyfriend to the emergency room if he threatens you, or himself in any way. That is a clear sign of a problem, and he will need to be committed involuntarily to protect you and himself. I worked in a psych hospital, and I also voluntarily committed myself when I was suicidal.

I hope this helps.

Trish

 

[Jeshu]

Here's the story
My boyfriend was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about a month ago. He spent a little over two weeks in the hospital and had some manic episodes... The signs started about a week before he was admited, but before that no one had ever noticed anything before. I guess it's good that it was caught to early!!! He is now taking lithium, and one other medication (can't remember the name..) and is going to a counselor every week. He has been making progress since he got out of the hospital although there has been one set back recently... He was taking vitamins that had something in them that counteracted with his meds. We took him back to the hospital, and they didn't seem to concerned as long as he gets off the vitamins and doesn't have caffine. Also he's been having a lot of overwhelming anxiety since he's come home! He hasn't been able to go back to work and gets very anxious when he goes places recently. Although sometimes he does okay. He has a doctor's appointment soon, and I think they may change his medicine up.

Anyway, I was just wondering how long it normally takes when a person is dignosed with BPD to become okay again. Or if they ever are TRUELY the same again. Will we be able to enjoy a normal happy life together?

I'm trying to be supportive of him and help him in every way I can. So how can I best help him?

I hope this wasn't too long. I just really need some encouragement right now!

Hi dear lady

Yes having a partner with Bi-polar is hard - but can be rewarding in The End.

It has taken me many years to do and Yvonne my wife has suffered much during this time. Often all alone because everyone left us because of me. But she managed to love me more than I could me, and take our five children - one with severe special needs through teenage years. Yvonne turned out a real gem and is greatly loved by all who know her.
And so in The End I'm learning to accept my illness and work productively with it by letting God's love cleanse what's wrong and make it right and getting on with life again, trying to walk beside my wife with my head up instead of down in shame.

Please understand I don't idolise Yvonne - she would be most upset if I did - she loves Jesus and doing right is very important to her - she thinks all this is just her duty - yet the truth Yvonne serves meant that God's love in her raised beside me a help mate to bring me the upper hand with my demons.

Please understand mental illness rarely heals - rather God's loving truth gives us the ability to survive and love and bring forth good fruit of thankfulness and joy - and that is what really matters - not the horrific wrong that batters us so relentlessly.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Find another fellow who has less problems is your best bet.

Since most people would disregard that advice try to be there for him and enjoy the times he's manic while ducking the times he becomes hypomanic. If he takes his medicine he may become emotionally flat. If he doesn't take his medicine, well you probably know about that. Just keep in mind he doesn't have much control over how he feels much of the time.

 

[AllisonWonderland]

Deleted

 

[Darling Deedee]

Sorry we weren't more uplifting, sweetie. Bipolar is a struggle and you're at the beginning of a life-long journey. It took years for my life to come back to 'normal' and even then, its not. Medication seems like a quick fix but for me it has caused its own set of trouble (I'm on Zyprexa and have gained horrible amounts of weight and am tested for diabetes regularly). Bipolar is what it is. There's nothing you can except be supportive and know that there will be ups and downs. The only thing that's predictable is the unpredictable. Hold on to Christ and the hope that his level moods become more the 'norm' than the exception. He's lucky to have someone who cares for him so obviously.
-Deedee

 

[dbh]

I was married to someone that is bi-bolar for 20 years. It finally reached a point when I was pulled out of bed with their hands wrapped around my neck chocking the life out of me. I managed to get free long enough to scream out help from my children. I had no choice but to leave. I try to support my ex. as much as possible, but its a struggle. Medicine is not the utopia we have been led to believe. The children and I have created a phone line that is used when the anger gets too intense. That seems to work most of the time, but not a 100%. dbh

 

[Jeshu]

I was married to someone that is bi-bolar for 20 years. It finally reached a point when I was pulled out of bed with their hands wrapped around my neck chocking the life out of me. I managed to get free long enough to scream out help from my children. I had no choice but to leave. I try to support my ex. as much as possible, but its a struggle. Medicine is not the utopia we have been led to believe. The children and I have created a phone line that is used when the anger gets too intense. That seems to work most of the time, but not a 100%. dbh

Yes I know how bi-polar rage can be very hard to manage, I have also attacked my beloved in rage, and done harm to my loved ones and myself that way a few times.

In The End Jesus taught me - and my family - to love me to death - so when I raged Yvonne just embraced me in her love till my rage sizzled to tears instead

Now I rage at Satan when raging - though this hardly happens no more - still it is best of fun raging at Satan - cursing him to hell - he hates it - which is even more liberating. Indeed now at times I even begin to use good words instead of bad - such wonderful flames



I suggest you try this with your man