Support thread for ED/SI/etc ... come on in! *poss. trig* (5)

Ladybug Im opposite on when I eat alot-its when Im bored...thats purely when a b/p episode will arise....

im not the best... its almost midnight and im still studying hard... whoot... im exhausted...

i have lost alot of weight this week which is good... i think.. :S... probably not in the best way though... but i just cant cope atm...

Becky-Im so sorry your exhausted-Im praying for you. Please stay strong and try and fight this ED-losing weight in an unhealthy manner will have its consequences-Im sure you know that...but please take them into full consideration for your well-being and future. I know its a struggle-buts its one worth fighting

I don't know when I eat a lot... usually when I'm bored too, or have just exercised (which makes sense I suppose!!). Blah.

Bec... please... you don't need to lose weight. I can promise you that. Keep hanging in there - you can make it through - and please get some rest!! Everything will be better when you've gotten some sleep.

April,
I'm happy to be remembered I'm glad recovery is going well for you, even if not perfect. And yay for the good appt with your N. You just started school right?

Sabrina!
Yes, I'm the same Shannie I missed talking you too, sorry to have worried you! I never saw you on CF and I knew you were going into treatment, so I thought perhaps you were trying to avoid anything ED related or something. I wasn't doing so well for a bit with my ED in the earlier summer and didn't want to bring you down with negative stuff while you were trying so hard in recovery. I'm soooo glad you're doing better now.

Somehow my multiquotes look a bit outta order but that's ok, I think I covered my bases.

Soulwings said:

Ladybug, grapes are high in sugar so if you eat a lot of them, they could cause a shift in weight. Personally, I would aim more for veggies than fruits, although there is definitely a balance that is needed. Salad with just mixed greens (not just iceberg lettuce - that has pretty much zero nutrients), Italian marinated tomato and cheese and pepper/onion/cucumber salad, cucumbers and tomatoes and green pepper strips with some sort of low fat dressing/dip... there are about a bajillion different things that you can do with vegetables that make them flavorful and delicious!

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lol the way you described the veggies made my mouth waterI am fine with some iceberg lettuce, cherry tomatoes and some italian dressing (a little bit of regular dressing doesn't hurt me)...or I'm fine with taking some frozen veggies in a bag and boiling them - like broccoli or mixed veggies...but your ideas are novelnot sure I'd do the same things you're doing but your ingenuity reinforced my love for fresh veggies

LovesTruePassion said:

Ladybug Im opposite on when I eat alot-its when Im bored...thats purely when a b/p episode will arise....

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do you mean you eat a lot when you're bored?

beckybooiloveu said:

im not the best... its almost midnight and im still studying hard... whoot... im exhausted...

i have lost alot of weight this week which is good... i think.. :S... probably not in the best way though... but i just cant cope atm...

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yeah - losing it in a bad way could very well make the weight come back really fast - I don't know - that's just me - do you think you could energize your brain a little bit by eating a little more? (I'm afraid to give anyone that advice)...when we don't eat enough we can get really tired and unfocused - given you've gotta study, I'm just sayin' - not forcing you to eat though - just wondering if you're starving yourself and hence worsening that fatigue...

i just dont ahve time to eat lately... and i have a sore throat form the flu so it is too painful to eat... i have been drinking alot of green tea though... that is full of antioxidants...
and im trying to get more sleep... i am now averaging about 2hrs per night... i cant sleep anymore then that because i wake up and freak out abot uni... and yet im soooo behind

Shannie-Yeah I went into treatment-so I was trying to avoid all aspects of ED stuff-however talking to others in the sense that we are 'trying' is better-now if it was like pro or something I couldnt-too triggering. I like the support here I like giving it too!
Im sooo sorry you were struggling through the summer-are you feeling better now? I hope so...you know Im here for you-and Ive been on both sides of ED(in it and now out of it-well trying and staying strong I suppose)Im praying for you-your worth recovery too and I hope you can see that Its hard, but its amazing to feel free from the chains of ED and you can live without ED-once I realize I could I started to feel okay letting go of all the control I thought I had to have.

Ladybug, yes when Im bored I eat alot-its hard to control...and its scary in those moments because Im home alone ALOT! However I fight it and have been sense Ive been out of treatment....hard though

Becky-Im praying for you-why no take a few snacks with you in your purse throughout the day? It seems to me like your ED is trying to find excuses for you to skip meals....you CAN find ways to eat...

Sabrina,
Yes, I'm doing better now. I think I was just scared, I was finishing uni and ending counselling (because that was with the uni) and about to go to Asia for about 2 weeks which was pretty stressful. So my ED was coming back. But then I went to Asia and my ED left me alone for a while. It was there a bit, but really I had almost no control over what we ate or when or anything like that, so I had no control to give the ED. It was kind of a relief. So I'm *trying* to keep that up now that I'm home. So far so good. I just started a new job so I'm working on doing well with my ED now so that when work gets stressful I am strong enough not to turn to restricting to cope with it.

Becky,
I hope things get better for you. I know how overwhelming school can be and it sucks. But it's sooo much harder if you don't take care of yourself. I realized this right near the end, sadly, but my marks improved and my stress went down when I was sleeping enough. I never totally got the eating on track, but I bet i would have found the same thing about that too, if I'd done it. I realized an hour of studying when I was well rested was equal to hours of studying late at night when I was exhausted. So I didn't fall way behind like I thought I would. I hope you are able to take some time, even just a bit, and do something nice for yourself this weekend.

Ladybug, how are you doing?

Shannie Im soo glad to hear your doing better When I get stressed seems like my ED returns suddenly-its strange because when Im not stressed Im okay. Its just a trigger I suppose. It's so great though that your trying your best to not let the ED control you, you control it-and by that I mean put an end to it and those thoughts in your head. I keep telling myself everyday it's not worth it-and I try to think of all the consequences if I feel triggered. It really helps. The thing is in recovery the hardest switch is to find a new healthier coping mechanism-I know we all can we just have to try!Hows your boyfriend?

Stress is my main trigger I think. That and making mistakes, which is somewhat linked to stress. I like your idea of thinking of all the consequences whenever you feel triggered. I think I will take that idea and make a list of them, so that I organize my thoughts and then hopefully it will be easy to remember when I need a reminder of why recovery is the better option.
Finding new coping mechanisms is hard. What have you found that works for you?

Oofta!! This thread has been busy since the last time I posted here. I'm glad to see that, though. My thread is popular!!

Shannie, how long were you in Asia? (number screen) Sounds fascinating!! There was a trip to China for the honors programs throughout my state, but only two people out of about a hundred got to go (had to apply)... I didn't bother but it sounded really interesting when the two that went presented at our last meeting. Where in Asia were you, and why?

I'm glad to hear that you are doing better with your ED. It makes me so happy to see so many people in recovery with their EDs!! So exciting. It's amazing to know that you can recover from eating disorders (or at least, go in "remission," don't know if "recovery" is the right word). I am doing pretty well with mine, pretty much eating what I want to and losing the weight that I am supposed to lose. My fat percentage is finally getting to be a healthy one (it was pretty high for awhile because all of the weight I lost in oh five I gained back as fat... ), so that is exciting for me. I think I am going to celebrate by buying myself something small when I get to a certain goal weight. One that is not too far away - I should reach it in about six months at the rate I've been going over the past year.

Anyway. What coping mechanisms have you found? (both Shannie and Sabrina) For me... well, I don't know. Right now I am struggling more with bipolar than with ED/SI stuff... so hard... and also the "compare snare" where I compare my body to other women's bodies... it looks like I am checking them out and I am definitely not!! Just comparing... and I am so sick of it. I have been taking those thoughts "captive to Christ" as we are instructed to do... but it is still a challenge. Especially on campus where there are so many skinny/slender girls.

But yes. Praying has done a lot for me. Getting closer to God is amazing, and I look forward to the times when I can talk with Him. I usually prayer journal instead of pray, but I have prayed at the computer many a time... so many people on here are hurting and need to know that He is there with them.

I love talking about God now that I am learning more about Him. It is so exciting to be getting to know Him better, getting to talk with Him more (rather, wanting to talk with Him more)... eee!

And - random - how do you rep someone? I really can't figure that out, because I don't see a rep button anywhere on my screen.

s for all.

Hi April,

I was in Hong Kong and Japan, together just short of two weeks (thanks for the number screen reminder). My boyfriend is from HK so I was there with him, seeing the city and meeting family, etc. It was so much fun.

I'm so glad things are going well for you. I think buying something to reward yourself is a good idea when you reach your goal Everyone on here is motivating me to start working out. I am lacking in muscle mass, cuz I avoided working out for a while knowing my ED would take over really fast and it wouldn't be healthy. But now I think I could do it right and would feel a lot better if I start being more active. So I am hoping to start this week, slowly though.

For coping mechanisms I find posting online in a support forum helps if I just need to vent. I tried making cards one time, despite a total lack of artistic talent, and while the final products left something to be desired I felt so much better. So I may try that again. Playing Wii sometimes can distract me. And I'll admit my somewhat embarrassing one: wrapping up in a blanket with my teddy bear (yes, I'm 23) and watching tv or a movie or reading. The rest of my coping mechanisms I can think of leave something to be desired and need to be replaced (ie. they're self destructive).

I'm so glad you are feeling closer to God...I'm lacking in this area and I need to start working on it. Does anyone else ever feel overwhelmed by all the things they need to work on? But that one should probably be my first priority, cuz I'm sure it would help with the other ones.

Regarding repping someone, I have no idea, sorry

Meagan_Believes said:

Why on EARTH is there an eating disorder support group on a Christian forum?

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Sorry I guess you wanted the "Perfect Christian without any Flaws" forum. If you ever find it, kindly post the link for the rest of us. If nothing else, it would be an entertaining read.


How are the rest of you impefect, but wonderful ladies doing? I don't have time to read through everything as I run through here, but hugs and prayers all around!! How is school going for everyone?

I hope Meagan Believes has sincerely misunderstood the objective of this forum

Hanging in there with my eating problems - may write later lol. Not much to say at the moment - eventually I do have something to say in one way or another

arrrggh

today is one of those days in which just about everything triggers me -

that's a loaded statement - I know...

This post is pretty ugly...
















I am just so angry with life...I went and got a bottle of wine yesterday and popped some muscle relaxers, I don't give a crap anymore. My life has sucked and will always suck.

In fact I almost hate God right now.

*cries* i dont think i keep this up... i have no motivation... or energy to do anything... i need a break but cant justify giving myself one because i odnt feel like i deserve one... and im having such an obese week... i feel gross... i went out with some friends from work last night and felt so depressed/obese that i got absolutly blind drunk... im lucky i didnt hav any blades or pills in my room when i got home otherwise that would ahve been the end... and im also lucky that my friends dropped me home because i dont think i would have got home if they didnt...

i almost wish... maybe someone would come along and stop me... as in if i was told that i ahve to stop living like this and i was locked up somewhere for a break form the world... i jsut... dont know if i can do it anymore...

*bec... needs hugs*

* Soulwings and Arnold both hug Bec lots and lots.

Bec, please try to justify a break for yourself... you need it and I am so glad that you can see that. You've been working so, so hard, and your body is going to give out if you keep this up. I think you know that - you've spent enough time being ill to see that your body and immune system really can't keep up with you when you do the all-nighter study times or all of the extracurrics. Keep in touch and let us know if there is anything we can do for you. I'm so glad that you are safe now and didn't do anything bad when you were drunk... please, please, please try to take care of yourself.

Kerin, welcome back!! How is school going for you? how are your daughters? and how is ED stuff??

Shannie, that's awesome about your visit to Japan/Hong Kong... sounds so cool. I'm glad that you enjoyed yourself. How long have you and your boyfriend been together? And haha, the thing about the teddy bear didn't sound ridiculous at all... I have lots of stuffed animals that I cuddle with and sleep with even... very comforting. And I'm not that much younger than you, either, twenty (although my CF age, if shown, says that I'm eight ). Stuffed animals are so comforting... especially when I am anxious - something to squeeze. And reading... yes, I use that as a coping mechanism too... Friday night was a horrible one for me and I was going to start a new book that I've been looking forward to reading (on EMDR), but got distracted by talking with my parents, so I didn't get the chance. Oh well. Hehe.

I definitely feel overwhelmed by all of the things I have to work on... but I've gotten better at "partializing and prioritizing" ... focusing on just one or two things that I need to get done. Like firming up my relationship with God. That helps get everything else in place, definitely, so work on that first if you can.

Ladybug. How are you doing today? New day and all of that. I'm sorry that you were struggling yesterday, though. :-(

Catlover, your life won't always suck if you take steps to improve it... be proactive in your recovery... seek God out - He is not the one doing this to you - I don't know your whole story but I can promise you that God is not the one making everything in your life sucky. Try to take care of yourself... you are so worth it!!!

Hi girls!

Myashane,
How are you? I liked the "Perfect Christians without any flaws" forum comment hehe.

Ladybug, I'm sorry you were having a trigger-y day. I definitely know what you mean and they suck Can you try doing something to distract yourself?

Catlover,
I don't know anything about what's going on, but I hope you feel better soon. It's ok to be angry and, in my opinion at least, to sometimes be angry at God. He understands. Thankfully He keeps loving us, even when we are angry at Him. I'm sorry I can't offer more, but I'm sending you a .

Becky,
I'm sorry you are feeling so down. I'm sorry, seeing as I don't post here often enough I don't know all the details: are you in counselling or therapy?? Do you have a break from school coming up or anything? You are doing so much more than I did in uni and I was totally exhausted, so I can't even imagine how you're feeling. I really hope you are able to take a break soon. Even book half a day to yourself and do something fun and then sleep early or something like that.

April,
Thanks I was glad I enjoyed it too lol, I was a bit nervous beforehand that I wouldn't. My boyfriend and I will have been together four years this December. Hehe I'm glad the stuffed animal thing didn't sound silly. I find there's something comforting about them. You are right about prioritizing...I need to be better at that. I always try to fix everything at once and then get overwhelmed, frustrated and give up. Funny how that works...I would never recommend that approach to anyone else, but somehow I expect I should be able to do it.
How are things going for you? I'm sorry you had a bad night Friday.