I just found a suicide note in poetry form I had written a year ago. I thought people should see this and hear my testimony. I had grown up in a Christian home and was saved when I was 6 or so. I lived a life to glorify God but then found a girl who liked me around 2 years ago. She had just barely come out of wicca, and had been a Christian for only 3 months.
We hung out and talked a lot and everything seemed to be amazing about her. She was fun, and kind, and many other things. I found no reason to not date her. So we began to go out and everything changed, she wasn't that same person. No longer would she go anywhere with me, and all she wanted was to have me in her home. I began to wear black and dye my hair black, it came to a point where all I had in my dresser was black. I became aggressive and rebellious to my parents, though at church I seemed to have everything together. I honestly thought I did.
Though the girl I dated was out of Wicca she still loved it, I skipped school with her to go to a shop that was purely for magick and witchcraft. I felt very uneasy but I still went in and looked around. They bought their items and we left. We were with couple other kids who were still dabbling in Witchcraft.
We broke up and she dated every other guy after that, and my heart became very hard. It was the first time I had felt what it was to be used. My parents didn't seem to care or get it, everyone was against me, or so it seemed. So I had enough. I wrote this poem and was ready to take my life.
IF YOU ARE LIGHT OF HEART PLEASE DO NOT READ AND SCROLL PAST IT
[font=Times New Roman, Times, serif]
Today lifes agony found me,
I knew its wide spread grip,
By the time you read this you've found me,
From this corpse seen blood drip,
Now its payback cry your tears,
Or do you miss me seeing I'm dead,
Did you truely love your careers,
More then every word I have said,
It doesn't matter anymore,
To God, to you, or any man,
This is what life was meant for,
To be born, to die, and feel no more,
Now read this carefully,
Watch my death in words,
Now after this you'll say I'm unholy,
I say no Hell's bells, or Heavenly chords,
Here father I'll use your gun,
You helped kill me anyways,
You never said "I love you son"
And with T.V. you spent your days,
In my mouth the barrel I place,
Pull the trigger slowly,
Oh I wish I could see your face,
When you find this letter my only trace
I found that no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get myself to pull the trigger. I know that God was watching over me and protecting me. It didn't stop anything though. I dated another girl who had many problems in her own life. That is when I started to get into wicca, and began to cut myself. I saw myself as something that people only used and didn't care about. The second girl broke up with me and moved away.
I was alone after that, not knowing where to go. I had no friends really, just people who thought I was something I wasn't. I sat down and started to pray, and seek God to get me out of the mess I made. He wrote me this
[/font] Come My son,
I love you,
Yes My son,
You're a sinner its true,
But don't let guilt,
Drive you away,
Listen My son to what I say,
Yes you back-stabbed,
Swore and lied,
Even laughed at others,
Who suffured and died,
Do you think I see sin,
One above the other,
I don't set man,
One above another,
Oh My son,
Come to me,
I will comfort you,
I will hear your plea,
Hear Me My son,
Don't let your soul die,
For I am willing,
To embrace your cry.
God forgave me that day and I've been walking with Him ever since. It has been a hard walk, and I have just barely gotten to where I have color back in my dresser. I gave away my bondage pants and threw out all my evil things. I won't say 'goth' is evil, but it can lead to evil things.
I wrote this testimony not for oohs and awes, but so people will know that God is forgiving and He will take us back. My past is dark and very wrong. But God can still use it for His glory and thats who I hope gets the glory in all of this.
We hung out and talked a lot and everything seemed to be amazing about her. She was fun, and kind, and many other things. I found no reason to not date her. So we began to go out and everything changed, she wasn't that same person. No longer would she go anywhere with me, and all she wanted was to have me in her home. I began to wear black and dye my hair black, it came to a point where all I had in my dresser was black. I became aggressive and rebellious to my parents, though at church I seemed to have everything together. I honestly thought I did.
Though the girl I dated was out of Wicca she still loved it, I skipped school with her to go to a shop that was purely for magick and witchcraft. I felt very uneasy but I still went in and looked around. They bought their items and we left. We were with couple other kids who were still dabbling in Witchcraft.
We broke up and she dated every other guy after that, and my heart became very hard. It was the first time I had felt what it was to be used. My parents didn't seem to care or get it, everyone was against me, or so it seemed. So I had enough. I wrote this poem and was ready to take my life.
IF YOU ARE LIGHT OF HEART PLEASE DO NOT READ AND SCROLL PAST IT
[font=Times New Roman, Times, serif]
Today lifes agony found me,
I knew its wide spread grip,
By the time you read this you've found me,
From this corpse seen blood drip,
Now its payback cry your tears,
Or do you miss me seeing I'm dead,
Did you truely love your careers,
More then every word I have said,
It doesn't matter anymore,
To God, to you, or any man,
This is what life was meant for,
To be born, to die, and feel no more,
Now read this carefully,
Watch my death in words,
Now after this you'll say I'm unholy,
I say no Hell's bells, or Heavenly chords,
Here father I'll use your gun,
You helped kill me anyways,
You never said "I love you son"
And with T.V. you spent your days,
In my mouth the barrel I place,
Pull the trigger slowly,
Oh I wish I could see your face,
When you find this letter my only trace
I found that no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get myself to pull the trigger. I know that God was watching over me and protecting me. It didn't stop anything though. I dated another girl who had many problems in her own life. That is when I started to get into wicca, and began to cut myself. I saw myself as something that people only used and didn't care about. The second girl broke up with me and moved away.
I was alone after that, not knowing where to go. I had no friends really, just people who thought I was something I wasn't. I sat down and started to pray, and seek God to get me out of the mess I made. He wrote me this
[/font] Come My son,
I love you,
Yes My son,
You're a sinner its true,
But don't let guilt,
Drive you away,
Listen My son to what I say,
Yes you back-stabbed,
Swore and lied,
Even laughed at others,
Who suffured and died,
Do you think I see sin,
One above the other,
I don't set man,
One above another,
Oh My son,
Come to me,
I will comfort you,
I will hear your plea,
Hear Me My son,
Don't let your soul die,
For I am willing,
To embrace your cry.
God forgave me that day and I've been walking with Him ever since. It has been a hard walk, and I have just barely gotten to where I have color back in my dresser. I gave away my bondage pants and threw out all my evil things. I won't say 'goth' is evil, but it can lead to evil things.
I wrote this testimony not for oohs and awes, but so people will know that God is forgiving and He will take us back. My past is dark and very wrong. But God can still use it for His glory and thats who I hope gets the glory in all of this.
