suicide is for me

[nowisthetime]

if you have no money ,no friends,no relationship,no church and keep getting snubbed at job interviews ,keep crashing cars ,keep forgetting things ,keep feeling like your the only one who has failed at life,and when your the poorest ,ugliest,most worst off in your whole family or anyone you know ,and you just ''know'' that life will never change ,that for the entire length of your life your days will be filled with worry and anxiety about money and everything else that goes along with life, how do you cope?

i dont want to go to work or church or anything, which seems to put me in very painful situation with the god that i believe (sometimes) i know,i feel he is aski8ng of me something which i dont have , and that leads me into all kinds of anger and resentment , come 9.30pm and all this nearly goes away until i wake up the next morning to go through it all over again
why should someone have to feel that they have to suffer so much in life just to please god when god gives so many people an easy carefree life? i dont care if god doesnt want me to live a happy married normal secure life. i feel sometimes like god is just playing with me mentally torturing me and then other times i feel he geniunly cares about me,
its not death that scares me its life

 

[AWorkInProgress]

Failed at life? Or forgot how to grow?

Got 2 choices in life really, the easy way or the hard way. I can break it down further, selfish way or the loving way.

It is truly easy to give up and let go of this existance. Satan and the demons playing in your head know this.

Luke 8:29-33

29 For Jesus had already commanded the evil[d] spirit to come out of him. This spirit had often taken control of the man. Even when he was placed under guard and put in chains and shackles, he simply broke them and rushed out into the wilderness, completely under the demon’s power.

30 Jesus demanded, “What is your name?”
“Legion,” he replied, for he was filled with many demons. 31 The demons kept begging Jesus not to send them into the bottomless pit.[e]
32 There happened to be a large herd of pigs feeding on the hillside nearby, and the demons begged him to let them enter into the pigs. So Jesus gave them permission. 33 Then the demons came out of the man and entered the pigs, and the entire herd plunged down the steep hillside into the lake and drowned.

Many of us were like yourself, getting close the edge. Getting closer to 'drowning' cause we couldn't handle problems in life.

I tell you that the answer is trust and faith in the Lord. Give your heart to him and accept his helping hand in your life. You will no longer be alone and thru prayer to him he will help you find a way. Faith is about trusting someone without knowing all the details. As you grow in faith, you will learn more. Even the orginal disciples ran when they captured the Lord.

Really the path to growth is a process. You might be 27 years old, but spiritually your still a child. I met many others far older than you who are just the same. They forgot how to grow and stayed within their comfort zones. Comfort zones are just walls of fear. Remember though, God is limitless. Don't think he wants you to live in fear or limits.

Peter learns this and prays for boldness infront of the leaders and priests. Making the case of how they crucified the Messiah. Same Peter than ran like a little school girl when asked if he knew Jesus. THREE TIMES!

Put your trust and love into the Lord. Ask for help and do it with a humbled heart.

2 Chronicles 7:14
Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.

Love will save you. Love in the Lord, yourself, and people around you. When you fall and in pain, love will heal your broken heart and wipe away the fears.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Learn forgiveness. It is a powerful tool to help grow. To forgive sins of others against you and to forgive yourself for mistakes you have made in life. You see the anger and pain you well up against you and others accually hinder you from growing. When the Lord forgives you, he doesn't keep a records of your wrong doing.

Saul from Acts, perscuted the first church. From approving the stoning of Stephen to jailing others. Instead of destroying Saul, he accually opened his eyes to evil he was a slave to. Saul became Paul, who brought the good news to the gentiles. Where ever he was he would start a ministry. When we think we are worthless and can never do any good. God can use every part of us to do good in our lives.

Case in point... it is never too late to start loving yourself and learn how to grow again. Put Jesus first in your life and everything else will be added to you.

 

[igotbegot]

I've considered suicide, but I could never bring myself to do it because my problem wasn't that I wanted to die. My problem was that I wanted to live, and I was unhappy with the life I was living.

So what did I do? I just kept going. I kept fighting, struggling, and striving.

I don't know what you should do. I just wanted to share my story with you.

 

[tiera]

if you have no money ,no friends,no relationship,no church and keep getting snubbed at job interviews ,keep crashing cars ,keep forgetting things ,keep feeling like your the only one who has failed at life,and when your the poorest ,ugliest,most worst off in your whole family or anyone you know ,and you just ''know'' that life will never change ,that for the entire length of your life your days will be filled with worry and anxiety about money and everything else that goes along with life, how do you cope?

i dont want to go to work or church or anything, which seems to put me in very painful situation with the god that i believe (sometimes) i know,i feel he is aski8ng of me something which i dont have , and that leads me into all kinds of anger and resentment , come 9.30pm and all this nearly goes away until i wake up the next morning to go through it all over again
why should someone have to feel that they have to suffer so much in life just to please god when god gives so many people an easy carefree life? i dont care if god doesnt want me to live a happy married normal secure life. i feel sometimes like god is just playing with me mentally torturing me and then other times i feel he geniunly cares about me,
its not death that scares me its life

My gosh you sound exactly like me! I don't know what to say to help because today hasn't been a good day for me but just to know in our hearts that God loves us and wants better for us. I really do believe that I am going through this depression because I have literally done nothing with my life and it's time for this to stop. I pray that's what's going on with me.

 

[Auncy]

if you have no money ,no friends,no relationship,no church and keep getting snubbed at job interviews ,keep crashing cars ,keep forgetting things ,keep feeling like your the only one who has failed at life,and when your the poorest ,ugliest,most worst off in your whole family or anyone you know ,and you just ''know'' that life will never change ,that for the entire length of your life your days will be filled with worry and anxiety about money and everything else that goes along with life, how do you cope?

i dont want to go to work or church or anything, which seems to put me in very painful situation with the god that i believe (sometimes) i know,i feel he is aski8ng of me something which i dont have , and that leads me into all kinds of anger and resentment , come 9.30pm and all this nearly goes away until i wake up the next morning to go through it all over again
why should someone have to feel that they have to suffer so much in life just to please god when god gives so many people an easy carefree life? i dont care if god doesnt want me to live a happy married normal secure life. i feel sometimes like god is just playing with me mentally torturing me and then other times i feel he geniunly cares about me,
its not death that scares me its life

When I was your age I had the same suicidal thougts. I always had this desperate feeling for something to change. It was a constant feeling. I felt that I didn't have any friends and that no one cared for me. I was even a Christian when I was feeling this way. People would say to me that "God is with you". My reaction was "So What!". What does that mean? With all of the crap I had to put up with in my life "So what". He didn't prevent anyone from hurting me at all or helped me in any way. Then one day I realized that God WAS with me thorough everything. He could have changed things but he didn't because that was the only way I could learn to love Him and depend on Him. He never will give us more than we can bear.

Several times I felt like giving up but, I didn't. I kept seeking the Lord because I desperately wanted to feel the love and acceptance I read about in the Bible.

Keep seeking the Lord my friend. Ask God to help you and to guide you. Find a local church whether you feel like it or not and stop listening to Satan's lies. God is waiting and ready to help you if you would ask for it. I'll be praying for you. Feel free to PM me anytime.

Zephaniah 3:17

The Lord your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quite you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing

 

[AWorkInProgress]

I've considered suicide, but I could never bring myself to do it because my problem wasn't that I wanted to die. My problem was that I wanted to live, and I was unhappy with the life I was living.

So what did I do? I just kept going. I kept fighting, struggling, and striving.

I don't know what you should do. I just wanted to share my story with you.

I know the feeling bro.

This is for all of you! Start small, find salvation. Humble yourselves and realize that "I need help." Remove all obsticles in the way of starting a relationship with the Lord. My situation I cut my TV, video game subscriptions, my home internet, and pulled out old bible my Grandfather gave me. Be sincere and truly seek out this great thing.

Bible is the instruction manual for the human being, God created us and the Lord sets the example. Lord described it better.

Luke 6:46-49

Building on a Solid Foundation

46 “So why do you keep calling me ‘Lord, Lord!’ when you don’t do what I say? 47 I will show you what it’s like when someone comes to me, listens to my teaching, and then follows it. 48 It is like a person building a house who digs deep and lays the foundation on solid rock. When the floodwaters rise and break against that house, it stands firm because it is well built. 49 But anyone who hears and doesn’t obey is like a person who builds a house without a foundation. When the floods sweep down against that house, it will collapse into a heap of ruins.”

Dispite what you see in churches, this Christian thing is very simple. All it requires is faith and hope in our Lord. A personal relationship with him and allowing him into your hearts.

Second is learn from the Word of God, and turn it's great knowledge into your wisdom. Knowledge is knowing the answer, wisdom is accually applying it to your life. Seek out a church that really inspires you and matches what you read.

Proverbs 19:8

To acquire wisdom is to love oneself;
people who cherish understanding will prosper.

Proverbs 4:23

Guard your heart above all else,
for it determines the course of your life.

Lastly, remember you are not alone. Never have been. Don't rely on your own wisdom and strength or your own courage and endurance, but rely on his. We are sinners and become a mess for good reason, we don't listen and summit to love of God.

Remember I don't care what you done, God loves you and will give his grace to you. I LOVED Paul, here is a man who allowed the stoning of the first church. Perscuted them and tossed them into prison. Lord with all his power did not destroy him, but opened his eyes to evil he was doing. He turns around and brings the Good News to the gentiles. One of the greatest teachers of Christ.

Also humility means opposite of pride, ask for help.

Matthew 7:7

“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.

During your trials, tell God your pain. God loves expression from the heart. Psalms are great examples of how King David prayed and told his pain to God to help him. Talk to God in your own way, write on a note pad, play a song, sketch, or paint something. Expression of self is therapeutic.

I will pray for all of you.

 

[satrunstar]

I'm praying for you...

 

[rainedrops]

if you have no money ,no friends,no relationship,no church and keep getting snubbed at job interviews ,keep crashing cars ,keep forgetting things ,keep feeling like your the only one who has failed at life,and when your the poorest ,ugliest,most worst off in your whole family or anyone you know ,and you just ''know'' that life will never change ,that for the entire length of your life your days will be filled with worry and anxiety about money and everything else that goes along with life, how do you cope?

i dont want to go to work or church or anything, which seems to put me in very painful situation with the god that i believe (sometimes) i know,i feel he is aski8ng of me something which i dont have , and that leads me into all kinds of anger and resentment , come 9.30pm and all this nearly goes away until i wake up the next morning to go through it all over again
why should someone have to feel that they have to suffer so much in life just to please god when god gives so many people an easy carefree life? i dont care if god doesnt want me to live a happy married normal secure life. i feel sometimes like god is just playing with me mentally torturing me and then other times i feel he geniunly cares about me,
its not death that scares me its life

I'm going through something very similar. Sadly, it is that issue (bolded sentence) that just about killed my faith and trust in the bible and God. Believing that God wants people to suffer (in order to please him) is actually depressing and even harmful to some people although it may not be a harm to others. I speak from experience. I am now trying to focus on the fixable situations (for example, you may want to go for a medical check up if you are forgetful or having car accidents). Remember, everything isn't "God causing horrors in your life for some higher purpose."

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

I hope you will find a reason to hold on, and that you will find help from someone who can help you through this difficult time. You will be in my thoughts, as well as others here struggling.

 

[mebby02]

that is hard l never felt that hard on myself l thought l was bad you will be in my prayers tonight l hope you feel better soon.

 

[childofgod57]

i think you desperately need a job,a job gives a man reason to get out of bed,gives him purpose and dignity,it would also allow you to meet new friends,maybe even meet a girlfriend,i hope your successful in your quest for employment....

 

[razzelflabben]

Desperate people do desperate things, unfortunately there are not enough followers of Christ in the world to show us each one the Love of Christ in a real and meaningful way.

A friend once asked why you can say to someone who is bent on committing suicide. The answer is nothing, the best you can hope to do is show God's love and hope you do so soon enough and loudly enough to make a difference. I see this in my own situation. Words simply aren't enough to heal the pain within the pain that goes so deep that it pierces our entire being, consuming us. A pain that pulsates through our being as if it were life itself. A pain so great that all that is around us becomes a blur and we can't see or hear the God who is right there beside us groaning with us. And so dear one, I do not offer you words, I do not offer you love, I am too far away to offer you anything but this simple prayer.

May you find peace as you listen for God's groaning. May you know the strength of His Love even when you can't see it. May you perserver to the end, seeking to know His purpose and looking for His love wherever it might be found. May you recognize Love when it touches your life.

 

[GamesFund]

 

[jream]

reading this puts a knot in my gut

 

[nowisthetime]

thanks everyone for thier input, the only thing i would add is that i dont think that god has completely left me ,the truth is is that half of my life is amazingly happy only because i am entertained by god and love him more than you could imagine, at times god makes me laugh and play like a baby ,but my problem is that a cloud of despair and anxiety always comes over me and there is no fighting that back,its impossible and when you are in that state where you would pull the trigger if you just had a gun ,it is impossible to have faith in god , but i always come back to my senses and are horrified at the things i say and do when im down, it breaks my heart as im so closely related to god ,and love him so much, but in a moment my entire mood will change and knowing god wont matter at all to me, i just think so what i could care less, god is just as important to me as what i seem to be to him , but 5 minutes earlier i was probably telling god how much i loved him, i have a serious mood disorder and am thinking that maybe i should get on some heavy duty pschq medication, as one day break my heart as it would i may not come back from one of my little episodes amen

 

[djsterf]

thanks everyone for thier input, the only thing i would add is that i dont think that god has completely left me ,the truth is is that half of my life is amazingly happy only because i am entertained by god and love him more than you could imagine, at times god makes me laugh and play like a baby ,but my problem is that a cloud of despair and anxiety always comes over me and there is no fighting that back,its impossible and when you are in that state where you would pull the trigger if you just had a gun ,it is impossible to have faith in god , but i always come back to my senses and are horrified at the things i say and do when im down, it breaks my heart as im so closely related to god ,and love him so much, but in a moment my entire mood will change and knowing god wont matter at all to me, i just think so what i could care less, god is just as important to me as what i seem to be to him , but 5 minutes earlier i was probably telling god how much i loved him, i have a serious mood disorder and am thinking that maybe i should get on some heavy duty pschq medication, as one day break my heart as it would i may not come back from one of my little episodes amen

I agree with your analysis. We will be praying for you, but it does sound as if you need to find a local pastor or Christian counselor to talk about your feelings, get through them, and get help where necessary.

Your life is too important! God bless you.

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

Don't worry your not alone with wanting to kill your self somethimes.I wanted to kill my self every day for years.I even tried once and failed over something I consider not even worth it know.It would have killed my parent's if I succeded.I try to keep busy.Still I sometimes think about killing my self.Know I just found praying until I go to sleep helps.Then I remember there kids starving to death around the world.My problems are bad,But theres are too.I just wanted you to know your not the only one.I'll be praying for you.

 

[LouTheWicked]

Perheps you could perscribe yourself some anti-depressants to aid you.

Everyone has their flaws, you are no different. You just need to keep brushing yourself off and trying again.

Just try asking for help, everyone needs it now and then.

 

[lucyclaire]

You say your a Christian, that is between you and God, I think you need to talk and may need some counselling here. There is chaos and you seem to need to reach out to someone and ask for help.

When I am at a very low point and I am struggling with prayer, I find that if I go to a quiet place, mentally if not physically and I simply say the Lord's Prayer. I find it says so much and it helps to quieten your heart. I know when your mind is in a mess and you are thinking of everything that you are supposed to be doing. You worry that spiritually that your failing but you are not, I don't believe God lets us go, we tend to let him get clouded out, in our feelings of panic and hurt.
I know when I get anxious and my mind gets muddled, my approach to God is muddled and I forget to be quiet in his presence and I just talk at him. Talk it through with him is good but you need to be quiet in his presence because that is when you can see where he has been in you life.
I had been away for a long while and I discovered the Our Father as something more powerful then I had ever realised before. Just simple short prayers for a while, talk to him and the end of the day about were you see him and where you have struggled. Say thank you for the small things. If you find a church that is open, during the day go it, take time to find a little bit of peace.
I always found hymns and songs help too. And I don't know whether you have people like The Samaritans, people that you can phone any time, when you are low and need to talk. I hit a very low ebb last summer, I rang them at about 2am and someone, just listened, I talked a few things out. I have know idea if that person was a Christian, but that person was working through the night, to listen to people that are depressed, suicidal or in trouble. I highly recommend them.

 

[MorkandMindy]

You see a loser, I see a winner

Greed competition and conflict are built into our way of thinking, anyone doing badly gets upset, depressed and feels pain:

'There is enough for everyone's need but not enough for everyone's greed'

wise words from Gandhi, but when other's are competing it is hard not to look and see yourself way down at the losing end. There are Buddhists who are able to stay their course and get through the hard times unaffected; they just aren't playing the same game

(I'm in the same situation; work is a disaster, pay reductions, now I have too little to live on, hours are now crazy; from 5 in the morning one week, until 1 in the morning the next and back and forth, lots of marriages and partnerships broken up as a result, had to move, new town, don't know much of anyone)

In a fight 'winning' is really just getting less damaged than the other guy. If you decide to be nice you are almost sure to succeed, if winning is what you want then play the game you will win at, being nice, I'm sure you're a pro - you have too much feeling not to be