Submissive Husband question.

[Sandra0003]

I need some advice. My husband and I have been married for over 40 years. We are in our seventies and he wants me to sexually dominate him in the bedroom. I won’t go into specifics but I feel this is wrong, or sinful. What are acceptable sexual behavior, is bondage and male submission sinful? If it isn’t why do I feel that it is?

 

[Diamond72]

What are acceptable sexual behavior, is bondage and male submission sinful?

How does he even know about that stuff. Why does he expose himself to it? Missionary sex is based on intimacy. Rabbi Friedman talks about what is good for a young women in his book: "The Joy of Intimacy. He has counciled a lot of marriages. The sort of porn your husband wants is the opposite of God's plan for us.

The Hasidics put a lot of effort into teaching young women what is good and right, proper and true. They have been taught by the time they are 13.

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=manis+friedman+marriage+

 

[WolfGate]

Christian Forums is pretty strictly moderated when it comes to discussing sexual topics, particularly when both men and women have access to the thread. I would suggest going to a Christian forum that has a purpose of facilitating these types of discussions. You will at those find there are a lot of views among theologically conservative Christians on the topic you mentioned, so be prepared.

Two possibilities - Home - Passionately Married in addition to a forum where you can ask questions (after creating a free account), they have podcasts you can listen to as well. Hosts are solid Christians, one of them is a family therapist. There is also themarriagebed.com. That has a much more active forum but because of that also is a bit more likely to have people posting who are not theologically sound. (You have to sift through the information a bit more there.)

 

[Nicole T]

I am no expert. I am currently dealing with betrayal in my marriage with regard to sexual intimacy.
I do not understand the comment about "how does he even know about this stuff". I would think that by the time you are in your seventies you would know about most stuff, whether you choose to engage in it or not. On the other hand, I do not think that missionary style is the only acceptable style of sex that is intimate or not sinful. Intimacy is what the two of you make it, isn't it? It is two people who feel safe sharing what they BOTH want to share.
As a woman who has been married 35 years, it sounds to me like your husband is asking you to do things that are new and things you are not comfortable with. You are not crazy. You have been with this man for 40 years. Something about it has you feeling uncomfortable - perhaps it is new behavior, perhaps he is shaming you for not wanting to do it. Trust your instincts and respect your body and soul. Personally, I believe the Holy Spirit is warning you that something is not right. Forget the concept of sinful. AThis seems to be confusing you. The Bible tells us that all we need to know, the Holy Spirit will reveal. Secularly, people say to trust your gut. If it feels wrong to you, it is wrong. But let's be clear, doing something new or different is not wrong so long as you both want to try it. This does not seem to be the case here.
If I had to guess, I would say he has been looking at a lot of porn. But that is a guess based on my own recent revelations and what looks to be some familiar behavior. Wishing you strength.

 

[Sandra0003]

Thank you for your thoughtful response. You are correct, if it is wrong for one then there is a problem. Will pray about it.