Submission

[Monaleezza]

The bible says nothing about submitting to your "boyfriend".

But I wonder if there is an expectance from men for women to show that they are willing to submit, before they marry?

What is your understanding of submission in the 21st Century?

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

I believe in mutual submission. Because we both love each other we will both submit to and respect the wishes and wants of the other person. No one person is above the other, but its an equal partnership. So even if I was married I don't believe in the submission that the church seems to preach so much on.

 

[Monaleezza]

I understand you don't believe what the church has to say on submission, but what are your thoughts on what the bible has to say regarding it?

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Considering a relationship is a way to get to know how someone is before you marry them, I think the expectation should be there about how that person is, whether you agree with a more one-sided or two-sided submission.

The Bible does say that wives should submit to husbands, but it also says that husbands and wives should submit to each other. It doesn't say anything about boyfriends, but you can judge by a relationship and how it goes, what marriage will be like for you and your SO (at least most of the time).

 

[Monaleezza]

But would submission like sex be something reserved for marriage?

 

[Macrina]

Considering a relationship is a way to get to know how someone is before you marry them, I think the expectation should be there about how that person is, whether you agree with a more one-sided or two-sided submission.

The Bible does say that wives should submit to husbands, but it also says that husbands and wives should submit to each other. It doesn't say anything about boyfriends, but you can judge by a relationship and how it goes, what marriage will be like for you and your SO (at least most of the time).

I think this is a good way of putting it. The relationship is indicative of how a marriage might go.

I think there are both similarities and differences in submission in a dating relationship and in a marriage. First of all, in neither one is the submission to be one-sided; the Bible instructs both husbands and wives to submit to one another. Another similarity is that in both relationships, the people should exercise Christian love toward one another.

The difference comes in that in the dating relationship, you are still figuring out whether or not you will make the marriage commitment, so you naturally don't have the same kind of commitment as you would to a spouse. In a dating relationship, you have the right/responsibility to put an end to it if continuing the relationship requires unacceptable sacrifice or compromise (not saying that we shouldn't sacrifice or compromise, just that in the dating relationship we have greater freedom to say "no" than in a marriage). In a marriage, you still maintain a degree of autonomy, but you willingly submit to the other person to an extent where compromises/sacrifices you might not make while dating, you might make while married. I'm not talking about compromising deep convictions here, but just trying to say that marriage requires a greater degree of submission than dating does.

And I cannot emphasize enough that submission is a mutual act, between both husband and wife.

Don't expect your dating relationship to be exactly like a marriage, but do expect to find indications within it of what the marriage might be like.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

But would submission like sex be something reserved for marriage?

Like I said in my last post: no.

 

[RenaeN]

I believe in showing them, the kind of submission that you would in marriage. Just today I had to excercise my submission to my fiance and allow him to do something that I do not really want him to do, but I know that he must.

 

[Johnnz]

Until marriage your next of kin is your family. Until then you are two people in love.

Submission is fine provided it is mutual. Anything else is about control, status, inequality and all too often manipulation.

John
NZ