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I also had a similar thought. Maybe not exactly, but while working through this situation seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added unto youI can't speak from a woman's point-of-view, but sometimes the spouse's personality ruins the bed for them. My advice to you is to not push the issue, suffer for the Lord's sake if that is your lot, and try to stay pure. My guess is, frankly, that she expected something from you, or for you to become something you are not. Not saying it is your fault —it's like the saying goes, "He marries her, hoping she won't change. She marries him expecting he will change. She does, he doesn't."
My advice is to pour your passions out before the Lord. Pursue the Bible itself, hours at a time, if possible, for wisdom. And don't expect any relief, and you may just get it, eventually. When God gives you the desires of your heart, they can be far beyond what you had prayed for (and different!), but you may have to go through a lot of pain and correction to get there. This life, your problems, are not about you, but about Christ.
Ouch. You see now. That is a Martian for ya, cut to the chase and let it ride.I'm surprised this hasn't been said yet, but have you considered she is cheating on you? I've known many family members and friends of friends where the reason for a complete stop of physical intimacy is because of that.
I'm not saying that is what is happening, but if I were you, I would at least look into it.
Perhaps there is a translation problem here. She could be saying it is ok to have an affair or another women on the side. In some cases the other women actually saves a marriage.
- Extramarital affairs
According to an Ashley Maddison survey, 84% of women and 61% of men in Japan say that extramarital affairs were beneficial to marriage.
I have a wife from the Philippines. So we are not ONLY combining two cultures into one. We also have a marriage of rich and poor. You do not have that in a Japan American marriage because Japan is a rich nation. My sister in law did marry a man with some Japanese in him. It is interesting when you can see some of that in the kids. One is a registered nurse and the other is an engineer. Children turn out very nice because you eliminate a lot of inbreeding. It is good when the mother devotes herself to her children because then they will take care of her when the time comes.They understood they were combining two philosophies
I have a wife from the Philippines. So we are not ONLY combining two cultures into one. We also have a marriage of rich and poor. You do not have that in a Japan American marriage because Japan is a rich nation.
@Heart_Like_A_Wheel , I recommend tempering that post with a thought, though what I'm saying here may not apply to your wife's point of view. Being on the other end of a similar situation, I can tell you, when counselors, books, methods and go-rounds are tried, they ALL come across to me as artificial, and not what I needed. The more my wife expected me to do the right thing in response to this attempt or that, on her part and by her effort, the more she made every other woman look attractive. —Just saying.I've landed back on Mars and going to try the more direct approach with what has been sitting on my heart
It appears pretty selfish of her, unless she is clueless as to how important this aspect is for men, and it's a twisted way of acting unselfish, recommending a prostitute, but as you said, cultural norms vary so it's hard to really say.
Cultural norms aside, she needs to find a way to meet you halfway with respect to your religious beliefs. Marriage means me and you are now we, and if one doesn't like that, stay single.
But you can let it make you bitter, or better. Sounds so cliche, but it's true.
Have you tried just sitting her down and just having an open and honest conversation about HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER, start there please, and it's important you express that love to her in that way, thus fulfilling yourself as that is how men are wired. Then ask her what you can do to help her get in the mood.
Only thing i have left to say as a woman is that sometimes a woman can feel hurt about something or feel unloved for whatever reason and that can really kill the mood. You can dress as cute as you want, or undress for that matter, and nothing. We are not wired the same. Have a heart-to-heart, and a counselor sounds good, but try the books i recommended too as they are really helpful. If i recall i found Men are from mars, woman from venus a little technical, but mars and venus on a date was really good and for married couples too. Then there is the five languages of love.
Ok, back to Venus as that all i have left to say. Going to leave it to the Martians now.
May the Lord help you navigate through this bump in the road in Jesus name
Over and Out
This was why I got a girl who was working in Hong Kong because she had already adjusted to being separated from her country and family for 9 years. It was difficult at first because she was alone. But then over time we would meet people and begin to build a community for ourselves. She likes to try to put a show on for people to make things look better than they are but at least she has a good positive attitude.Was it challenging for you or her?
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