I have very bad sinful habit that I've been trying to shake, but apparently I'm failing. And having intrusive thoughts with it, doesn't make life any easier.
You see, here's the thing. I like writing. And do write stuff for myself (poems, journal entries, etc.). And I have written stuff for churches (devotional, small group material, etc.).
I also struggle with pornography. And one of the things that I do is write pornographic material for myself. Unfortunatley when I do, I usually touch to it.
But then recently, I did the thing I just mentioned. And after it all, I then had a sudden fear that my former pastor would suddenly walk in on me (which is nearly impossible, since there would be no reason for him to suddenly come to my apartment and walk it, but that's beside the point).
The mere horror of that thought, cause me to think that I'd rather go to hell than have that happen AND I would swear/promise/make a vow never to write again (that includes writing poems, writing for church, and everything else).
Believe me, I have no intention of making such a vow for either case. BUT I do have intention to try harder to give up using writing for that unwholesome purpose that I mentioned before.
Either way, I don't want to bind myself to a vow, since (especially with my condition) this will only lead to trouble.
So am I really bound to that vow/vows that I made before? The feelings of guilt and shame for my sin makes it feel all the more real. So is it?
-Hermit
You see, here's the thing. I like writing. And do write stuff for myself (poems, journal entries, etc.). And I have written stuff for churches (devotional, small group material, etc.).
I also struggle with pornography. And one of the things that I do is write pornographic material for myself. Unfortunatley when I do, I usually touch to it.
But then recently, I did the thing I just mentioned. And after it all, I then had a sudden fear that my former pastor would suddenly walk in on me (which is nearly impossible, since there would be no reason for him to suddenly come to my apartment and walk it, but that's beside the point).
The mere horror of that thought, cause me to think that I'd rather go to hell than have that happen AND I would swear/promise/make a vow never to write again (that includes writing poems, writing for church, and everything else).
Believe me, I have no intention of making such a vow for either case. BUT I do have intention to try harder to give up using writing for that unwholesome purpose that I mentioned before.
Either way, I don't want to bind myself to a vow, since (especially with my condition) this will only lead to trouble.
So am I really bound to that vow/vows that I made before? The feelings of guilt and shame for my sin makes it feel all the more real. So is it?
-Hermit
