Struggling with faith so bad

[Sunflower Garden]

Going through some very rough times spiritually right now. I'm filled with fear and worry. There are multiple reasons:

1. I have lived in a certain sin (homosexual identity / desire) for so long, deceived by false teaching regarding it (was convicted before, but was in denial because I kept doubting and thinking maybe it was just fear) but now I've seen enough evidence and know it's wrong. So, I feel very foolish for being deceived for so long because I was saved two years ago and I've only accepted this recently. Part of me is grateful I've come to this realization at all, but I feel like it's "too late" for me bc it took too long, or this means I wasn't really saved two years ago and now have to do everything over. I'm also scared of whether I'm going to be celibate or married, I'd rather be celibate but I'm scared that means it's not God's plan for me and I'm sinning by not wanting to get married. The idea of forcing myself to try and like someone because I'm scared I'm sinning otherwise drives me up the wall. I can't bring myself to think about giving my body to someone I'm not attracted to. Is that a sin?? It's also just hard to let go of this issue- I know it's wrong, yet it's hard to accept, because this group of people that I used to be a part of are struggling, hurting people who need help. Who need God. It's hard for me to hate this sin when a lot of the time, I see the people who struggle with it. I want Jesus, not my sin. Why is this so hard to stop identifying as??
2. Worrying about my salvation CONSTANTLY, I can't stop relying on my feelings for assurance of salvation, and it's robbing me of my joy in Christ. Yet, I used to feel so much closer to God. I felt the fruits of the spirits (I think, I hope?) before but now feel dry. I'm scared I'm not really saved or am going to lose my faith. I don't want to lose Christ. I know we're nothing without Him, yet anything remotely spiritual doesn't bring me joy like it used to. It brings fear, because I feel condemned. It's hard for me to remember that God is loving like I know He is, to feel His love. I'm scared for my eternal life. I'm scared I don't really have a relationship with Him.
3. I'm scared for my family's salvation. They're Christians, but I fear they're lukewarm. I tell them of this fear and it drives them mad, I'm scared for them and I don't know what to do, I know I should trust God and He always answers prayers but I still can't stop being scared. Does this mean I idolize my relationship with my parents over God?? Ughhhhh!
4. I've been trying to drown out fear by doing hobbies (art/music/games/friends) in my free time, but now I feel like it's bad to have hobbies and enjoy life bc it's sensual or something. I'm scared that I'm not spending enough time with God in His Word, or that I'm placing having fun / schoolwork above God, or that I shouldn't be allowed to have hobbies at all if they aren't religious. I also go to art school currently, and I get thoughts that art is just self-seeking and I need to give it up forever and become a nun. I definitely want to do ministry and devote myself to God more, but if I feel even the slightest bit of conflict over my hobbies like this (after all, if God willing, I SHOULD be willing to give up everything for Christ) does that mean I love the world more than God? I just can't. I feel like something as simple as having fun or focusing on my studies is sinful.
5. I'm scared I might have evil spirits in me, but I can't find anyone is who willing to help cast them out, not even at church.
6. I can't stop thinking about eternal torment, and how hard it is to get into Heaven. If so many people (including self-proclaimed Christians) are gonna get cast out from God's love, what even are the chances of being saved? I feel horrible, I just want to be at peace in God's love, but I feel like I can't do that with knowledge of the horrible times that are to come. End times theology scares me. I'm dreading reading Revelations. What if I get deceived by an anti-christ? If false teachers are everywhere, even in our churches, who am I to trust? Am I supposed to stay cooped up in my house wearing a tin-foil hat? What if my family and friends get deceived? What if I choose self-preservation over serving God? I'm so afraid and can't feel His love.

I feel like being a Christian is scary now. I need help.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Going through some very rough times spiritually right now. I'm filled with fear and worry. There are multiple reasons:

1. I have lived in a certain sin (homosexual identity / desire) for so long, deceived by false teaching regarding it (was convicted before, but was in denial because I kept doubting and thinking maybe it was just fear) but now I've seen enough evidence and know it's wrong. So, I feel very foolish for being deceived for so long because I was saved two years ago and I've only accepted this recently. Part of me is grateful I've come to this realization at all, but I feel like it's "too late" for me bc it took too long, or this means I wasn't really saved two years ago and now have to do everything over. I'm also scared of whether I'm going to be celibate or married, I'd rather be celibate but I'm scared that means it's not God's plan for me and I'm sinning by not wanting to get married. The idea of forcing myself to try and like someone because I'm scared I'm sinning otherwise drives me up the wall. I can't bring myself to think about giving my body to someone I'm not attracted to. Is that a sin?? It's also just hard to let go of this issue- I know it's wrong, yet it's hard to accept, because this group of people that I used to be a part of are struggling, hurting people who need help. Who need God. It's hard for me to hate this sin when a lot of the time, I see the people who struggle with it. I want Jesus, not my sin. Why is this so hard to stop identifying as??
2. Worrying about my salvation CONSTANTLY, I can't stop relying on my feelings for assurance of salvation, and it's robbing me of my joy in Christ. Yet, I used to feel so much closer to God. I felt the fruits of the spirits (I think, I hope?) before but now feel dry. I'm scared I'm not really saved or am going to lose my faith. I don't want to lose Christ. I know we're nothing without Him, yet anything remotely spiritual doesn't bring me joy like it used to. It brings fear, because I feel condemned. It's hard for me to remember that God is loving like I know He is, to feel His love. I'm scared for my eternal life. I'm scared I don't really have a relationship with Him.
3. I'm scared for my family's salvation. They're Christians, but I fear they're lukewarm. I tell them of this fear and it drives them mad, I'm scared for them and I don't know what to do, I know I should trust God and He always answers prayers but I still can't stop being scared. Does this mean I idolize my relationship with my parents over God?? Ughhhhh!
4. I've been trying to drown out fear by doing hobbies (art/music/games/friends) in my free time, but now I feel like it's bad to have hobbies and enjoy life bc it's sensual or something. I'm scared that I'm not spending enough time with God in His Word, or that I'm placing having fun / schoolwork above God, or that I shouldn't be allowed to have hobbies at all if they aren't religious. I also go to art school currently, and I get thoughts that art is just self-seeking and I need to give it up forever and become a nun. I definitely want to do ministry and devote myself to God more, but if I feel even the slightest bit of conflict over my hobbies like this (after all, if God willing, I SHOULD be willing to give up everything for Christ) does that mean I love the world more than God? I just can't. I feel like something as simple as having fun or focusing on my studies is sinful.
5. I'm scared I might have evil spirits in me, but I can't find anyone is who willing to help cast them out, not even at church.

I hurt help

Find rest in Him, Jesus Christ of Nazareth, and do not doubt that He died for the sins of the world. Receive His Holy Spirit and begin your walk with Him for eternity never to doubt your salvation again. Be blessed.

 

[GodsGrace101]

Going through some very rough times spiritually right now. I'm filled with fear and worry. There are multiple reasons:

1. I have lived in a certain sin (homosexual identity / desire) for so long, deceived by false teaching regarding it (was convicted before, but was in denial because I kept doubting and thinking maybe it was just fear) but now I've seen enough evidence and know it's wrong. So, I feel very foolish for being deceived for so long because I was saved two years ago and I've only accepted this recently. Part of me is grateful I've come to this realization at all, but I feel like it's "too late" for me bc it took too long, or this means I wasn't really saved two years ago and now have to do everything over. I'm also scared of whether I'm going to be celibate or married, I'd rather be celibate but I'm scared that means it's not God's plan for me and I'm sinning by not wanting to get married. The idea of forcing myself to try and like someone because I'm scared I'm sinning otherwise drives me up the wall. I can't bring myself to think about giving my body to someone I'm not attracted to. Is that a sin?? It's also just hard to let go of this issue- I know it's wrong, yet it's hard to accept, because this group of people that I used to be a part of are struggling, hurting people who need help. Who need God. It's hard for me to hate this sin when a lot of the time, I see the people who struggle with it. I want Jesus, not my sin. Why is this so hard to stop identifying as??
2. Worrying about my salvation CONSTANTLY, I can't stop relying on my feelings for assurance of salvation, and it's robbing me of my joy in Christ. Yet, I used to feel so much closer to God. I felt the fruits of the spirits (I think, I hope?) before but now feel dry. I'm scared I'm not really saved or am going to lose my faith. I don't want to lose Christ. I know we're nothing without Him, yet anything remotely spiritual doesn't bring me joy like it used to. It brings fear, because I feel condemned. It's hard for me to remember that God is loving like I know He is, to feel His love. I'm scared for my eternal life. I'm scared I don't really have a relationship with Him.
3. I'm scared for my family's salvation. They're Christians, but I fear they're lukewarm. I tell them of this fear and it drives them mad, I'm scared for them and I don't know what to do, I know I should trust God and He always answers prayers but I still can't stop being scared. Does this mean I idolize my relationship with my parents over God?? Ughhhhh!
4. I've been trying to drown out fear by doing hobbies (art/music/games/friends) in my free time, but now I feel like it's bad to have hobbies and enjoy life bc it's sensual or something. I'm scared that I'm not spending enough time with God in His Word, or that I'm placing having fun / schoolwork above God, or that I shouldn't be allowed to have hobbies at all if they aren't religious. I also go to art school currently, and I get thoughts that art is just self-seeking and I need to give it up forever and become a nun. I definitely want to do ministry and devote myself to God more, but if I feel even the slightest bit of conflict over my hobbies like this (after all, if God willing, I SHOULD be willing to give up everything for Christ) does that mean I love the world more than God? I just can't. I feel like something as simple as having fun or focusing on my studies is sinful.
5. I'm scared I might have evil spirits in me, but I can't find anyone is who willing to help cast them out, not even at church.
6. I can't stop thinking about eternal torment, and how hard it is to get into Heaven. If so many people (including self-proclaimed Christians) are gonna get cast out from God's love, what even are the chances of being saved? I feel horrible, I just want to be at peace in God's love, but I feel like I can't do that with knowledge of the horrible times that are to come. End times theology scares me. I'm dreading reading Revelations. What if I get deceived by an anti-christ? If false teachers are everywhere, even in our churches, who am I to trust? Am I supposed to stay cooped up in my house wearing a tin-foil hat? What if my family and friends get deceived? What if I choose self-preservation over serving God? I'm so afraid and can't feel His love.

I feel like being a Christian is scary now. I need help.

I'd like to answer you but it would take a book.
I'll be praying for you.
Learn to trust Jesus and stop worrying.
Salvation is life-long....you don't lose it so easily.
Some things take two years to understand...some take even longer.
Be a disciple
Follow Jesus ... don't listen to ANY teachers...read the bible and let God speak to you -- which He will. Words will jump out at you...that's what you should believe.
And don't worry so much.

 

[Jeshu]

i would like to encourage you to find your salvation in Christ and Him alone. A personal relationship with Jesus is what you are craving after and needing.

Fear is to be cast out by God's love, so please don't panic, a life without fear is awesome. From experiences i know that fear is used by the devil to lie to our minds about everything. The Scriptures you can trust to teach you rightly. That is how i got away from my sexual sin. By letting the word of God convict me and the grace of God save me and heal me from my sins. This process took a long time!

i advise you not to deceive anyone you want to marry them when you don't want/can't enjoy to have sex with them. In the end you would hate your husband for needing you, for you hated having sex so much. i'm glad you know it is a sin, but please don't make too much out of it either, like some do, Jesus can overcome sin in us. You could learn to like sex the heterosexual way or you could remain single devoting your life to God's service.

For years i let my sins stand in the way of a relationship with Christ and i suffered it. We cannot overcome sin in our own strength we need Jesus for that. So i advise you to seek out Jesus. He tells us that if we love God and neighbour as well as self, then He will come and dwell in us with His Father in Spirit. This is what you carve after. To have God/pure love dwelling inside your heart. His Voice knows Scripture rightly. Let Him teach you what is right and what is wrong.

Peace


An invitation to The Chosen.

God's Love will not take or will
you to conform to rules or demand
which imprison, enslave, burn or kill you.

God's Love will not pervert what's Good
The Lord loves truthfully Wise and Good.
True Love was, is and always will be Good!

In God's Love you are free to be right!
In His love everything is good proper and kind.
He loves all who love good and true to rule!

His Love is caring, providing, and sharing.
His Love always enjoys and protects good life.
His love rules even when bad life has being in us!

Hear Jesus call - 'Come join up with us all!
Leave whatever ties you down and be free
loving good life with all God's own to be.'

To the rest in your heart God's asks
how long will you tarry in the darkness?
Please leave such bad existence within.

For life must not, no never should, or would, or could,
be forceful, rude, prideful, arrogant, selfish, lustful
or otherwise be untrue to God's loving truth.

Neither should life be hurting or ill,
hungry, oppressed, despised, hated
or otherwise have existence in wrong.

Please hand your Bad Life over to Jesus
Humbly ask for His Good Life back in return
and go love God, self and neighbour with Joy.

The Church knows that Jesus is coming soon
All bad life will be our shameful past then,
so please leave your bad life while you can!

Love

 

[Dave G.]

Just fwiw, it sounds to me like the Holy Spirit has been working in your heart that you came to seeing your situation. This is not cause for fear but rejoice, He's on your case ! Remember this verse: 2 Timothy 1:7 "God did not give us a spirit of fear but of power and love and a sound mind". It's one of my favorite verses. When you get to feeling fear, anxiety and condemnation bring to mind that verse. God is for you not against you,that condemnation and fear is not from Him and believe it !!. So what is the fear if not of God ? Self and our enemy the satanic realm planting doubt. You can break the fear, you can gain the assurance of your salvation in Christ Jesus who loves you more than you can possibly know. That's my take just off the surface from what you have written.

There is an 11 part series you can look up on youtube, it's titled Free Indeed by pastor Robert Morris. It's very good. Also a video on fear from pastor Jimmy Evens, also very good. I'd watch them all, that's 12 30 minute sessions all together. I bet you if nothing else find a way to deal with this from watching them. Take notes, make a study out of it and apply the suggestions,the only cost is your time.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Going through some very rough times spiritually right now. I'm filled with fear and worry. There are multiple reasons:

1. I have lived in a certain sin (homosexual identity / desire) for so long, deceived by false teaching regarding it (was convicted before, but was in denial because I kept doubting and thinking maybe it was just fear) but now I've seen enough evidence and know it's wrong. So, I feel very foolish for being deceived for so long because I was saved two years ago and I've only accepted this recently. Part of me is grateful I've come to this realization at all, but I feel like it's "too late" for me bc it took too long, or this means I wasn't really saved two years ago and now have to do everything over. I'm also scared of whether I'm going to be celibate or married, I'd rather be celibate but I'm scared that means it's not God's plan for me and I'm sinning by not wanting to get married. The idea of forcing myself to try and like someone because I'm scared I'm sinning otherwise drives me up the wall. I can't bring myself to think about giving my body to someone I'm not attracted to. Is that a sin?? It's also just hard to let go of this issue- I know it's wrong, yet it's hard to accept, because this group of people that I used to be a part of are struggling, hurting people who need help. Who need God. It's hard for me to hate this sin when a lot of the time, I see the people who struggle with it. I want Jesus, not my sin. Why is this so hard to stop identifying as??
2. Worrying about my salvation CONSTANTLY, I can't stop relying on my feelings for assurance of salvation, and it's robbing me of my joy in Christ. Yet, I used to feel so much closer to God. I felt the fruits of the spirits (I think, I hope?) before but now feel dry. I'm scared I'm not really saved or am going to lose my faith. I don't want to lose Christ. I know we're nothing without Him, yet anything remotely spiritual doesn't bring me joy like it used to. It brings fear, because I feel condemned. It's hard for me to remember that God is loving like I know He is, to feel His love. I'm scared for my eternal life. I'm scared I don't really have a relationship with Him.
3. I'm scared for my family's salvation. They're Christians, but I fear they're lukewarm. I tell them of this fear and it drives them mad, I'm scared for them and I don't know what to do, I know I should trust God and He always answers prayers but I still can't stop being scared. Does this mean I idolize my relationship with my parents over God?? Ughhhhh!
4. I've been trying to drown out fear by doing hobbies (art/music/games/friends) in my free time, but now I feel like it's bad to have hobbies and enjoy life bc it's sensual or something. I'm scared that I'm not spending enough time with God in His Word, or that I'm placing having fun / schoolwork above God, or that I shouldn't be allowed to have hobbies at all if they aren't religious. I also go to art school currently, and I get thoughts that art is just self-seeking and I need to give it up forever and become a nun. I definitely want to do ministry and devote myself to God more, but if I feel even the slightest bit of conflict over my hobbies like this (after all, if God willing, I SHOULD be willing to give up everything for Christ) does that mean I love the world more than God? I just can't. I feel like something as simple as having fun or focusing on my studies is sinful.
5. I'm scared I might have evil spirits in me, but I can't find anyone is who willing to help cast them out, not even at church.
6. I can't stop thinking about eternal torment, and how hard it is to get into Heaven. If so many people (including self-proclaimed Christians) are gonna get cast out from God's love, what even are the chances of being saved? I feel horrible, I just want to be at peace in God's love, but I feel like I can't do that with knowledge of the horrible times that are to come. End times theology scares me. I'm dreading reading Revelations. What if I get deceived by an anti-christ? If false teachers are everywhere, even in our churches, who am I to trust? Am I supposed to stay cooped up in my house wearing a tin-foil hat? What if my family and friends get deceived? What if I choose self-preservation over serving God? I'm so afraid and can't feel His love.

I feel like being a Christian is scary now. I need help.

What you need is to examine Grace-based Christianity as opposed to Performance-based Religion.

I see that you are having difficulty with your performance as a Christian. This is because you are basing your faith on your own performance as a Christian instead of trusting in the grace and mercy of God that He saved you in spite of yourself. The Scripture says: "By grace are we saved through faith; not of ourselves, but it is the gift of God; not of works (personal performance) let anyone should boast in them."

If you believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God who died on the cross to take the penalty of sin from you and rose again from the dead to give you eternal life, then that is what saves you. There is nothing you could have done, could do right now, or ever can do to merit salvation.

In your natural state, you are a sinner, deserving of Hell. If God gave you what you deserved, you would be in hell right now suffering the eternal wrath and anger of God because of your sin. But, because God had mercy on you, He, without any merit on your part, caused you to understand and believe the gospel and gave you saving faith to trust in Christ. That has happened to you without any change in your life and habits whatsoever. The Scripture says that no one will be justified before God through works, or in other words, by your personal performance.

What you need to do now, is to rest in Christ, and trust in the grace of God for your salvation. When you stop trying and rely on the Holy Spirit within you to change you into the person He wants you to be, then things will happen. But if you keep trying to be a good Christian, and working at overcoming your bad habit patterns in your own strength, you get in the way of the Holy Spirit and actually frustrate the grace of God for you.

Walking in the Spirit and growing in grace is not self-improvement. It is resting in and trusting in what Jesus did for you on the cross. The penalty for your sin has already been paid by Jesus. God poured out all His wrath on Him, and there is no more wrath and anger for those who have received Christ as Saviour. But, He has kept a bit of the guilt of sin in you to show that in yourself you are still a sinner - so that you will not get puffed up in pride, but to hold fast to Christ and trust in His intercession you in the presence of the Father. Jesus is your only judge, but He is your defence lawyer at the same time.

The Scripture says: "I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He will keep that which I have committed to Him against that day." In other words, we have committed our lives to Jesus, and we trust that He knows us and when the big Day comes, He will know and accept us as blood-bought children of God.

 

[Aussie Pete]

Going through some very rough times spiritually right now. I'm filled with fear and worry. There are multiple reasons:

1. I have lived in a certain sin (homosexual identity / desire) for so long, deceived by false teaching regarding it (was convicted before, but was in denial because I kept doubting and thinking maybe it was just fear) but now I've seen enough evidence and know it's wrong. So, I feel very foolish for being deceived for so long because I was saved two years ago and I've only accepted this recently. Part of me is grateful I've come to this realization at all, but I feel like it's "too late" for me bc it took too long, or this means I wasn't really saved two years ago and now have to do everything over. I'm also scared of whether I'm going to be celibate or married, I'd rather be celibate but I'm scared that means it's not God's plan for me and I'm sinning by not wanting to get married. The idea of forcing myself to try and like someone because I'm scared I'm sinning otherwise drives me up the wall. I can't bring myself to think about giving my body to someone I'm not attracted to. Is that a sin?? It's also just hard to let go of this issue- I know it's wrong, yet it's hard to accept, because this group of people that I used to be a part of are struggling, hurting people who need help. Who need God. It's hard for me to hate this sin when a lot of the time, I see the people who struggle with it. I want Jesus, not my sin. Why is this so hard to stop identifying as??
2. Worrying about my salvation CONSTANTLY, I can't stop relying on my feelings for assurance of salvation, and it's robbing me of my joy in Christ. Yet, I used to feel so much closer to God. I felt the fruits of the spirits (I think, I hope?) before but now feel dry. I'm scared I'm not really saved or am going to lose my faith. I don't want to lose Christ. I know we're nothing without Him, yet anything remotely spiritual doesn't bring me joy like it used to. It brings fear, because I feel condemned. It's hard for me to remember that God is loving like I know He is, to feel His love. I'm scared for my eternal life. I'm scared I don't really have a relationship with Him.
3. I'm scared for my family's salvation. They're Christians, but I fear they're lukewarm. I tell them of this fear and it drives them mad, I'm scared for them and I don't know what to do, I know I should trust God and He always answers prayers but I still can't stop being scared. Does this mean I idolize my relationship with my parents over God?? Ughhhhh!
4. I've been trying to drown out fear by doing hobbies (art/music/games/friends) in my free time, but now I feel like it's bad to have hobbies and enjoy life bc it's sensual or something. I'm scared that I'm not spending enough time with God in His Word, or that I'm placing having fun / schoolwork above God, or that I shouldn't be allowed to have hobbies at all if they aren't religious. I also go to art school currently, and I get thoughts that art is just self-seeking and I need to give it up forever and become a nun. I definitely want to do ministry and devote myself to God more, but if I feel even the slightest bit of conflict over my hobbies like this (after all, if God willing, I SHOULD be willing to give up everything for Christ) does that mean I love the world more than God? I just can't. I feel like something as simple as having fun or focusing on my studies is sinful.
5. I'm scared I might have evil spirits in me, but I can't find anyone is who willing to help cast them out, not even at church.
6. I can't stop thinking about eternal torment, and how hard it is to get into Heaven. If so many people (including self-proclaimed Christians) are gonna get cast out from God's love, what even are the chances of being saved? I feel horrible, I just want to be at peace in God's love, but I feel like I can't do that with knowledge of the horrible times that are to come. End times theology scares me. I'm dreading reading Revelations. What if I get deceived by an anti-christ? If false teachers are everywhere, even in our churches, who am I to trust? Am I supposed to stay cooped up in my house wearing a tin-foil hat? What if my family and friends get deceived? What if I choose self-preservation over serving God? I'm so afraid and can't feel His love.

I feel like being a Christian is scary now. I need help.

Take a deep breath and relax. It is God's business to save you. The name "Jesus" means Saviour. One meaning of "save" is to deliver. You could easily say, "Lord Jesus, deliver me."
You being accused by Satan. That's his nature. Take a look at this article:

Are you under condemnation? - Christian Life Frankston

Since you are struggling, you may want to read the following as well:

Are you absolutely sure you are born again? - Christian Life Frankston

 

[tturt]

Might want to check them out aandbcounseling.com and John Eckhardt ministries - We've heard him speak several times. You'll want to be diligent about reading the Bible afterwards. Not saying you dont now but we have to fill ourselves back up with Him.