Tohisglory,
I am sorry you are going through this. I go through this in phases with my wife. I'm afraid I don't have all the answers.
Do I struggle with resentment? Absolutely. Does it draw me to God more? Yes. Does it force me to realize what the priority is in my life, my walk with the Lord? Yes. Does it make me yearn for eternity to come sooner? Sometimes.
Did you learn anything about your husband's fears, or whatever is holding him back, from therapy? Was he distant from his mom, or something like that? (You don't need to answer, I'm just thinking out loud.) Are there reasons why he tries certain days but doesn't other days? Is that related to his schedule? Is a career change a possibility, or is that out of the question? Do you encourage him when he does try, and tell him how much you appreciate his efforts? Is he harboring anger toward you, or toward his mom? Does he need a lot of personal space after being close to you? What was his childhood like pertaining to showing affection? Again, you don't need to answer. I've just trying to bounce some ideas off of you.
Is your husband not a Christian?
tohisglory said:
I'll take any suggestions from anyone.
As Christians, we are strictly limited on how we can get our physical needs met, which I'm sure you know. I'm also sure you know the importance of physical touch, and the consequences of a lack of physical touch. At the risk of offending some, I'll tell you what I do when my wife avoids me for long periods of time. It is not a replacement for touch with her, but it is better than nothing.
There is a reputable spa in the town where I live. It has a school associated with it, where they train masseuses and maseurs. They offer student massages for very reasonable prices. They are reputable and discrete in every way, monitored by licensed trainers, no tipping allowed, and they keep certain areas covered during the entire massage. And by the time the students accept public patronage, they are quite good.
Does this totally replace intimacy with my wife? Not even close. Does it calm me, lower my blood pressure, remind me what physical touch is? Absolutely. I even had a talk with my wife recently during one of her vindictive moods, and calmly told her what I intended to do, that is, visit the spa whenever she avoided me for long periods of time. She was upset, but my actions are a natural consequence of her sin of withholding from me. At least I'm not going out and finding a girlfriend. I have no problem with going to the spa, with not hiding it from her, or with telling those on this forum what I have just told you. Some won't be able to accept it. That's okay, they don't have to live with the stress in my body that results from no touch. I'm certain that the people around me, and those I share the road with, are very happy when my stress levels decrease.
Anyway, that may not be an option for you based on where you live, your personal beliefs, or your income if your husband controls all the finances. But you asked for suggestions, and that's all I have. Oh, I just thought of one more small thing I can do... when I jog or exercise intensely, that also lowers my stress levels some, and sometimes makes me so tired I don't think about the lack of physical touch. And of course I pray often during those times.
I'm sorry if these options don't help you. That's all I have to offer.
I'm also sorry you are going through this. I know only too well what it feels like.
God bless,
Wayne
