Struggling *trigger?*

LovedSparrow said:

Hi all,
I'm newer to this section, normally I am in other ones. I have struggled with bulimia many years and have gotten into the cycle of eating sugar again. I am starting to gain weight and panic. I have not purged in a while, but it used to be a weekly or daily struggle. Because of mental pain, I have found it is easier to eat than to deal with my issues.

I have a high-functioning form of autism so my weight and body has always been an obsession. I am at a healthy weight, but at high cost to my self-esteem. I feel that if my eating is out of control, it's one of the few things I can control, so I feel messed up.

My husband is a normal red-blooded male and struggles with lust. We have accountability for him but it chips away a little when he tells me. He has regret. I know not to take it personally, that husbands still can be attracted to their wives but lust after another. I know in my head not to take it personally. I read Every Man's Battle and it helped a lot. But it does affect me, but my counselor said it may help my self esteem, knowing it is not my fault and that I am attractive in his eyes.

Just thought I'd vent. I'm spiraling into a deeper addiction and fear purging. I thought that venting here would be good accountability. I am on my 'womanly cycle' this morning, so the thought of sugar makes my 'stomach' hurt more. Maybe this will help break me out. I have also found drinking water helps a lot. It gets rid of sugar cravings sometimes, it is your body's way of saying it needs water if you crave sugar.

Have a blessed day,
Loved Sparrow

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