Struggling today, need prayers

[momofone]

After I found out my husband was still involved with his mistress, and I asked him to move out, I decided to change churches. He was still going to the church that we had attended together, and it was difficult for me to be in the same room as him.

I found a lovely little independent church to go to, and I felt peace when I was there, like a fresh start. New people, new place, and I could pray without constantly thinking about him being there.

This morning, when I walked into the church, my husband was there. He'd found out from a mutual friend where I was attending, and had come because he says he doesn't want a divorce and wants to work on things.

He had moved in with his mistress after I kicked him out, but I have found out from friends that he moved into his own apartment recently. I guess he found out grass isn't always greener on the other side.

I filed for divorce on May 7th. He has not contested it, although he still has two weeks to do so. If it goes through, it will be final in July.

I'm struggling right now because a large part of me wants to let him come home. I miss him so much, everything here reminds me of him. I've been cleaning, slowly getting rid of things, and packing his things into boxes in the spare room so that he can come get them when he wants them. But just being here reminds me of him. I've thought about moving, but rent here is only $375 for a two story, three-bedroom house with a basement and fenced in yard. I can't beat that anywhere, and it's close to my son's school, and my college.

I'm afraid that if I let him come home, he'll just go back to the way things were before. He'll continue to see his mistress, and I'll continue to suffer and watch as he lies to me.

I'm considering holding off on filing the additional paperwork for the divorce, I have quite some time before it has to be in.

Pray for me.

 

[ido]

Counseling - both individual and marital would be helpful, too. Infidelity is an extremely difficult thing to work through and regain trust after it happens. But agreeing to work on your marriage does not mean you have to invite your husband to move back home. If he has an apartment, let him keep it until you are certain without a doubt that he has changed.

And I will be praying for you.

 

[hope4today]

Counseling - both individual and marital would be helpful, too. Infidelity is an extremely difficult thing to work through and regain trust after it happens. But agreeing to work on your marriage does not mean you have to invite your husband to move back home. If he has an apartment, let him keep it until you are certain without a doubt that he has changed.

And I will be praying for you.

This is good advice. Whether you reconcile or not, whatever money you have to spend on good counsel will be worth it for your long term benefit, even if it is difficult to afford now. And deciding to wait a little bit to see how the counselling goes before the final paper work does not mean he has to move back in. He can stay in the apartment till you are certain of what you want to do. If he doesn't accept this then I would question his motives. At this point, if he is truly repentant he should be doing whatever it is to meet your needs, understanding that he has wronged you and you need to be sure and feel secure. He should be putting your needs first at this point, not his desires.

This must be so difficult for you to deal with after you had made your decision. I pray you will find peace in the midst of this and the wisdom of Christ to make the right choices.

Bless you heaps dear sister. If you ever want to chat, feel free to PM me. I can't sort it out for you but I can listen and pray.

With love in Jesus

Hope

 

[ecuison]

I know it's hard, be strong and Christ will be there as I know what you are going through.

I will have you in my prayers.

God Bless,

-Ed

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

It was similar for me. Wife legged it, leaving me holding the baby (4 kids) and being her "best friend" to rely and cry on thru her new fangled search for love and freedom. Surprise suriprise it all went T over A and luckily I was resolved to "let her go". I had my own sanity and the safety of my kids to consider while she pranced (and still prances) her merry love/lust/whatever quest.

If yer bloke went, good riddance. I say with no vendetta, the dude chose his bed, now he should lie in it, even if he didnt find a better "you". Was yer marriage any good, is it worth redeeming? Is he any good? And I dont mean an you do any better, I mean do you get what you need from him? These kinda questions help, IMO.

 

[tryingtobeagain]

Ah the timeless wisdom of Flan... nothing quite like it (quite seriously).

I agree with Flan that he needs to lie in his bed. I know it's hard right now but things get easier. Your husband hasen't really shown you that he wants to change and IMHO I doubt he ever will. Take care of yourself for a while... treat yourself... find yourself... it's wonderful. If after all that you really wnat him back then make him work like crazy to build your trust back over time... go slowly... very slowly. On days when you're having a rought time reach out to loved ones (and us here)!

PS Make new memories for yourself in your place... one of the first things I did when my husband left me was move the furnature around... it actually did help!

 

[momofone]

Ah the timeless wisdom of Flan... nothing quite like it (quite seriously).

I agree with Flan that he needs to lie in his bed. I know it's hard right now but things get easier. Your husband hasen't really shown you that he wants to change and IMHO I doubt he ever will. Take care of yourself for a while... treat yourself... find yourself... it's wonderful. If after all that you really wnat him back then make him work like crazy to build your trust back over time... go slowly... very slowly. On days when you're having a rought time reach out to loved ones (and us here)!

PS Make new memories for yourself in your place... one of the first things I did when my husband left me was move the furnature around... it actually did help!

I've been working on that the last couple of days. I'm cleaning a lot of stuff out, packing what's left of his, putting up new decorations.