Struggling to Help

[Anonywtc]

My boyfriend/fiance has been struggling with anorexia and I've been doing my best to help but it's taking a toll on me. I've just spent the last hour trying to find forums/groups online for him. He's been a part of Anorexics and Bulimics Anonymous but stopped attending the group when we started dating (over a year ago). I guess he wanted to spend the time with me even though I tried to encourage him to keep attending.

The real struggle for him has been to find Christian men whom he can relate to in this and also dealing with the real underlying issue of learning to love himself and accept God's love. He's been doing really well and come a long way but he's tried to start exercising again to "be attractive for me" and he finds every excuse in the book not to eat lunch or push it back until 3pm.

I feel helpless. He wants me to keep him accountable with his meals but then I feel responsible for making every one of them, he gets upset if I try to keep him on a schedule because "he's been busy with work," and he argues with me over appropriate portion sizes. He is also suffering with congestive heart failure which is partly due to years of anorexic behavior which keeps me on edge because he can't afford a relapse. He could die. So a day or two of not eating and resting appropriately and he is having attacks. And I'm trying to have faith that God will heal him, body and soul.

There are a number of other things we're struggling with as well but 1 step at a time, right....

Is there anyone who knows how I feel?

 

[Soulwings]

It is my fiancé that is basically in your shoes, not me, but I am here to support and help whenever and wherever I can.

A few things jumped out at me from your post-
- First, I don't think that you should be responsible for making sure he gets meals on time. If he truly wants to recover, he should take responsibility himself. My fiancé tried to do that for me, and it just made me feel like he was the "meal police," and that's never a fun feeling. You can help him, but only when he asks. He may have asked as a blanket statement, but if he gets upset when you try to help him, then maybe that's not working.
- Second, is he getting any professional help? because in a situation as potentially deadly as the one you are facing, professional help would be desirable. Nutritionist and therapist - I see both and they have helped me immensely - my N to keep me on track with food via a strict meal plan, and my T to work on issues underlying the eating disorder. I also have a pastor that supports me, who has helped me in the past with finding God's love in all situations (if that makes sense). So maybe seeking help in those places would be beneficial to him, and to both of you, if you want to do joint therapy sessions. God may heal him without professional help, but I also believe that He wants us to take advantage of the help that is available, while continuing to pray.

I hope that makes some sense. If you have any questions or anything, feel free to ask! Hang tough.

 

[Anonywtc]

He refuses to see a nutritionist very adamantly. I believe he had a bad experience when his mother forced him to go in high school and he was also force fed in the hospital. He doesn't want to go through the meal diary stuff again As far as therapy, he is very open to that but it's difficult to find someone who has experience with working with christian men who struggle with anorexia. And most of the men he has come in contact with who are anorexic are homosexual and not christian. He feels really alone. It would be great if someone would pray that God would lead us to the right person.

For me, it just feels like I have to always be strong for him and if I fail, he might die. It's also been very hard to resist the urge to counsel him myself since I am training to be a psychologist. I know I have to take care of me and let him fight his own battles but that is easier said than done. Honestly his struggle with anorexia is not helping my struggle with anxiety. It's just 1 more thing for me to have to fight worrying over and trying to control.

By most people's standards, he is doing wonderfully and eating really well. But if he misses lunch a few times a week and/or overworks himself (which happens every week) then I panic. The truth is that for all my studies I don't know what to do or the right things to say. I just want some peace, to know that he is going to be ok, and to not feel responsible. He could die tomorrow and I would be overwhelmed with guilt that I didn't do more to help him. I have so many dreams of him being happy and whole and us living a blessed life together but I'm afraid to hope in happy endings because they never seem to work-out for me. I'm trying so hard to have faith but some days are harder than others.

Thank you for the encouragement; it is much appreciated.

 

[loveisjoy]

This is a post I made in this forum that might help you:

One word: Zinc.

"Features of the illness: Physiological: ...Abnormalities of mineral and electrolyte levels in the body, Zinc deficiency"

My Story

I took a high mg of Zinc, as prescribed by my psychiatrist and the Anorexia went away that day and has never come back. It's been six months. I literally looked in the mirror that day and didn't see someone fat (or ugly) anymore. I didn't feel bad about myself anymore. (I'm actually fine with how I look! In fact I think I'm pretty now. The (healthy) weight that made me miserable before makes me happy now). I no longer had the symptoms.

For me Zinc didn't just increase my appetite, it changed my BRAIN so that my mind was right, so that the thoughts and feelings and behaviors were gone, and the distortion of my body image disappeared. I never had to deal with it again. It's been over six months. I don't even think of it anymore, except when I'm appreciating my ability to enjoy food.

I take Zinc thirty mg with two mg of Copper, the Copper is important with the Zinc.


The Research

Studies have been done that show Zinc has been effective in reducing or eliminating the self-image distortion of Anorexia for Anorexics.

"...The release also cites a Journal For Medical Research article by Dr. Alex Schauss, which reported studies at Stanford University, the University of Kentucky, and the University of California at Davis which found most anorexics and bulimics were zinc-deficient. According to the release, a five year study showed an eighty five percent remission rate for anorexia patients given zinc supplements. According to Dr. Barbara Levine, Director of the Nutrition Information Center at New York Hospital-Cornell Medical Center, zinc-rich foods include red meat, seafood, cheese, and nuts."

"People who don't consume zinc may become seriously anorexic, with little desire and even a repulsion for eating. For many young, weight-conscious women, and often the elderly, not eating becomes a state of mind and is considered a serious psychiatric disorder.

"...For people trying to recover from anorexia, or those who are having trouble holding onto body weight, I believe our work strengthens earlier findings that recommend the use of zinc supplements," Shay said. "Another lab has shown that zinc supplements have led to greater recovery rates."

" The use of zinc in the treatment of anorexia nervosa has been advocated since nineteen seventy nine by Bakan."

"While the causes of anorexia nervosa may be complex and may often relate to psychological and social factors, there is at least some evidence that disordered physiology may play a role in the development of the condition too. In particular, research has suggested that anorexia may be related to a deficiency in the mineral zinc. Zinc deficiency has been found to be a common feature in anorexics, and it has been noted that zinc deficiency and anorexia nervosa have symptoms in common which include poor appetite, weight loss, nausea and cessation of periods (amenorrhea).

"These findings have led some scientists to suggest that zinc deficiency may actually play a role in the causation of anorexia nervosa. The role between zinc and eating behaviour may be connected to a brain chemical known as neuropeptide Y (NPY), the main function of which is to stimulate eating. Generally speaking, restriction of food causes an increase in NPY levels. Animal research has discovered, however, that zinc deficiency blunts the increase in NPY in response to food restriction. The results of this research suggest that zinc deficiency may quell the normal urge to eat more should food be rationed.

"Support for the idea that zinc deficiency plays an important role in anorexia nervosa has come from a study which found that zinc supplementation appeared to promote significant weight gain in # out of # anorexics. In another piece of research, zinc supplementation doubled the speed of weight increase in a group of anorexic women compared to supplementation with placebo (inactive medication)."

"If you have anorexia, [take] fifty mg a day of this essential mineral, along with one to three mg per day of copper."

"Insufficient zinc has been linked to anorexia, which responds well to zinc replacement treatment."

"Zinc deficiency has also been detected in people with anorexia or bulimia in most, nineteen, twenty though not all, twenty one studies. In addition, some of the manifestations of zinc deficiency, such as reduced appetite, taste, and smell, are similar to symptoms observed in some cases of anorexia or bulimia."

"Researchers are continuing to investigate whether zinc therapy is an effective supplemental treatment for anorexia nervosa.

"A # study (Birmingham and Gritzner) reports that low zinc levels create dynamics in the brain that are similar to those seen with anorexia nervosa. The study found that giving zinc to a group of persons with anorexia produced a significant improvement in body mass index compared to a group of anorexic persons not receiving zinc. Birmingham and Gritzner suggest that zinc deficiencies make neurotransmitters less effective. When this problem is corrected with zinc therapy in those with anorexia, they conclude, the resulting improvement in brain functioning creates an improvement in anorexia symptoms....

"What is interesting is that such an inexpensive and widely-available mineral shows promise, by itself, in establishing better brain functioning in this group.

"It's important to check with your doctor before beginning a course of zinc therapy, however, because too much zinc can result in other problems in brain functioning (Flinn et al., two thousand five). Medical assistance will help regulate zinc at the proper level for you."

Love Amy