I am married to the most wonderful, loving Christian man. Two years ago we lost our mutual best friend. This man meant everything to my husband. He was the one person he could talk to about anything. He got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died 8 months later. Once our friend started getting sicker I noticed that on occasion my husband would have a drink from time to time. (my husband was basically the caretaker and a very stressful time). I didn't think too much of it, but was a little concerned. After he died I started noticing my husband drinking and hiding it. I would find bottles hiding around the house. Last year he opened up to me and told me how bad this had a hold on him. We had a great talk tears and all. Things got better for a little while ( i thought) until I started seeing signs again. Tonight he was in tears over the hold it has on him. He feels that his relationship with God has deteriorated to almost nothing and is slipping into such a deep depression and hates the control he is under. My husband is such a private man and has nobody he feels he can talk to that he trusts. This just makes things worse since the person he would have talked to is no longer here. I'm heart broken for him! I love him so much and he is still a wonderful husband and an awesome father. No one who knows him would ever know that this is something he is struggling with. Just last week he went to the doctor and they found his liver was enlarged. This was a big 'wake up call" for him. I'm really struggling with what to do. He wants my help. I called our old pastor because that is the only person that I think he trusts enought that he would talk to him. Part of me thinks he wouldn't go to AA because he doesn't like the once and alcoholic always an alcoholic phrase. He feels strongly that through Christ we can overcome ANYTHING. I agree, but I feel he needs people that he can talk to that would understand his struggle. He feels he still has control because he won't drink while the kids are awake or even daily for that matter. It's usually when he is stressed or very sad, which is seeming to be more and more. Anyways, sorry to ramble. just really needed to get this off my chest. Any advice or encouragment is appreciated!
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Struggling husband
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VincentHChough
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- Feb 2, 2012
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First of all be aware that alcoholism will make its victims do anything to keep the drinking going. My addiction even convinced me that I was "cured" by God since I only drank a few glasses of wine or beer on the weekends. But it occupied a place in my heart which the Lord needed to finally conquer. It doesn't matter how much one drinks but rather WHY one drinks. Even being a doctor didn't wake me up to my disease.
Just the fact that he hides his drinking is confirmation of a problem. I used to smoke just one cigarette a night, after the kids went to bed making all my "smoking is bad for you" talk hypocritical. I would rush them hurriedly off to bed just to smoke. Again, even one smoke stood in the way of my transparency with my family and my God.
Your husband needs help. You must be patient, don't goad him. Prayer must be your primary weapon. If he lets you, pray with him about this. Pray for the healing of his wounds.
Educate yourself about the problem. Read up on it as this will help you understand when you see something that hurts you. You can suggest books for him to read also.
You said, "I love him so much and he is still a wonderful husband and an awesome father." Stick to this will all the strength that God gives you -- remember this in the hard times. I know it isn't easy, not easy at all -- but these trials are where you must live your faith. Trust in God's promises for you and your family - He is faithful.
(I've written my memoir in which alcohol addiction plays a big part. If you are interested the title is Brave Fish.)
Just the fact that he hides his drinking is confirmation of a problem. I used to smoke just one cigarette a night, after the kids went to bed making all my "smoking is bad for you" talk hypocritical. I would rush them hurriedly off to bed just to smoke. Again, even one smoke stood in the way of my transparency with my family and my God.
Your husband needs help. You must be patient, don't goad him. Prayer must be your primary weapon. If he lets you, pray with him about this. Pray for the healing of his wounds.
Educate yourself about the problem. Read up on it as this will help you understand when you see something that hurts you. You can suggest books for him to read also.
You said, "I love him so much and he is still a wonderful husband and an awesome father." Stick to this will all the strength that God gives you -- remember this in the hard times. I know it isn't easy, not easy at all -- but these trials are where you must live your faith. Trust in God's promises for you and your family - He is faithful.
(I've written my memoir in which alcohol addiction plays a big part. If you are interested the title is Brave Fish.)
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This the struggling husband typing. Thank you for your words of hope and encouragement! By your words you seem to be a mature and grounded believer in-Christ. I do believe that complete and whole deliverence from spirtual bondage is possible only through Christ. But how to get there as I have strayed from Him for probably the last 7 yrs. Yes, I do understand that it is possible to fall back once He has delivered us from whatever strongholds we were once in. But I also believe contented sobriety is possible, but only through honesty, accountability, and of-course, an abiding relationship with Him. I have battled through many strongholds without a desire for return. But I also understand that with alcoholism, along with narcotics, that there is also a chemical addiction. I've got a very awesome and understanding wife that I can be open to, who hasn't judged me. I also understand that eveyone eventually reaches a breaking point. Thats why I believe that its also good to include people that can walk me through this along with their spiritual insight and prayers.
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madison1101
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Alcoholism is a disease, and it is incurable. We can overcome it, with Christ and the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, but our body stays addicted to alcohol no matter what we do spiritually. Kind of like a diabetic stays a diabetic even if they know Christ. Our body is addicted, and we can't change that.
The only requirement for AA membership is the desire to stop drinking. AA is a program of 12 Steps of recovery.
Try attending some AA meetings and see if you can relate to what people share.
I would not be sober today without AA's 12 Steps. I celebrated 2 years without a drink on January 15.
The only requirement for AA membership is the desire to stop drinking. AA is a program of 12 Steps of recovery.
Try attending some AA meetings and see if you can relate to what people share.
I would not be sober today without AA's 12 Steps. I celebrated 2 years without a drink on January 15.
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VincentHChough
Disciple, Writer
- Feb 2, 2012
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Hello struggling husband,
I drank heavily until my late 30's then the Lord came into my life, and I cut way, way back. I drank on Fridays and only 1 or 2 beers. Sometimes a glass of wine over the weekend as well, but never any more. But I loved to drink.
The idea of the Friday beer would appear in my head starting mid-week, and I yearned for the drink. Alcoholism is extremely evil, and like all things evil will convince you with reasonable arguments, like...
"Well I'm not getting drunk."
"I'm keeping my responsibilities... work, bills, taxes, etc.."
"I'm faithful to my wife and kids..."
and so on...
BUT... only we can know what is deep down in our heart of hearts. A hair's breadth distance can make the difference whether a bullet kills you or not. A very small thing on the outside can be a huge thing on the inside that separates us from God.
These things must be pulled out from the root and let go. Do not negotiate with the enemy. Transparency is freedom is life.
I eventually quit completely and this made more room for HIM in my life.
I will keep praying for you and your wife.
Grace and blessings to you,
Vince
I drank heavily until my late 30's then the Lord came into my life, and I cut way, way back. I drank on Fridays and only 1 or 2 beers. Sometimes a glass of wine over the weekend as well, but never any more. But I loved to drink.
The idea of the Friday beer would appear in my head starting mid-week, and I yearned for the drink. Alcoholism is extremely evil, and like all things evil will convince you with reasonable arguments, like...
"Well I'm not getting drunk."
"I'm keeping my responsibilities... work, bills, taxes, etc.."
"I'm faithful to my wife and kids..."
and so on...
BUT... only we can know what is deep down in our heart of hearts. A hair's breadth distance can make the difference whether a bullet kills you or not. A very small thing on the outside can be a huge thing on the inside that separates us from God.
These things must be pulled out from the root and let go. Do not negotiate with the enemy. Transparency is freedom is life.
I eventually quit completely and this made more room for HIM in my life.
I will keep praying for you and your wife.
Grace and blessings to you,
Vince
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