Struggling Deeply with Grief

[Broken Hearted]

I am struggling deeply with grief. I have lost so many. I am 27 and for the past 9 years I have had to deal with so much grief. At age 18 I lost my dad to cirrohsis of the liver. And on Oct. 21, 2008 I lost my mother to suicide and I lost my brother Jan. 3, 2010 to suicide. And in the nine years all together i lost my grandmother,3 uncle, an aunt, 1 friend to suicide, 1 friend to a motorcycle accident, one friend to cancer. I am struggling the most with my mom and brother. Oh how i wish to be with them. I love them so much and the pain with out them here is so unbearable. Everyday is so hard and living with the thoughts that i should of been able to save them tears my heart to pieces. I battle everyday with my own thoughts of suicide. This depression is killing me.
I would appreciate any support,prayer,thought,friendship. Thanks

 

[Criada]

I am so sorry, sister, that is such a heavy load of grief.
You are in my prayers, and if you need a listening ear, I'll PM you my email address (you can't use PMs on here until you have 15 posts)

Are you getting any support with this? It might help to talk to a counselor or therapist who has experience of helping people through grief.

Praying that God will hold you in His arms and comfort you, heal your hurt and despair and fill you with His perfect peace. There are still good things to come, sweetie - you *will* get through the darkest time and feel joy again.
Hold on

 

[Broken Hearted]

Thank you criada. I am currently in counseling. Its a stuggle to just go. I have so much anxiety its hard for me to open up and trust them. Ive been on meds since i was 18 but meds alone have just not helped much. Ive been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder, and just recently ptsd. I really am just struggling day by day Im looking for any help to ease this pain.

 

[goldenviolet]

bless your heart! i've lost people close... including suicide of a friend, my grandma, and my father, i had many seasons of grief (it must have taken four years for the death of my father)... including many triggers where i'd get very distraught and seem to make me start grieving all over again.
what helped me was creating a memory book. i use pictures, cut outs, poems, dried flowers, paper announcements, etc. i worked on it as i mourned. later i pulled it out of the closet to read the memorials etc. so, now many years later, i consider my time of grief has been replaced by some very special memories. i can ponder and pass on to my children and their children, the funny or mazing stories, without falling to pieces. you are in my prayers, xo dee

 

[Broken Hearted]

bless your heart! i've lost people close... including suicide of a friend, my grandma, and my father, i had many seasons of grief (it must have taken four years for the death of my father)... including many triggers where i'd get very distraught and seem to make me start grieving all over again.
what helped me was creating a memory book. i use pictures, cut outs, poems, dried flowers, paper announcements, etc. i worked on it as i mourned. later i pulled it out of the closet to read the memorials etc. so, now many years later, i consider my time of grief has been replaced by some very special memories. i can ponder and pass on to my children and their children, the funny or mazing stories, without falling to pieces. you are in my prayers, xo dee

Thank you for your prayer and your sharing with me. Right now i can barely even look at a picture with out breaking down. Just last night i had a nightmare with my brother holding his chest asking me to help him and i couldnt. I have so many nightmares that feel so real like im there with them and i cant help them. It makes me wake up and feel so sick when i have them. Right now just thinking of them brings tears to my eyes cause they were the biggest part of my life. My brother wasnt just a brother he was my best friend we were only less than 2 years apart. I was never left alone in life from my mom and brother and now im with out both. and its a hole in my heart that i cant fill.

 

[Nilla]

 

[goldenviolet]

commere....

Broken_Hearted's turn to be the bunny.

 

[Broken Hearted]

Thanks golden violet I really could use a hug right now

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

 

[power2theweak]

Thanks golden violet I really could use a hug right now

(((hugs)))

 

[Broken Hearted]

Struggling missing them so much right now. Alot of anniversaries coming up it will be 2yrs that i lost my mom on the 21st of this month and on the 21st of next month it will be 9yrs since I lost my dad. And still missing my baby brother so bad. Its hurting me.

 

[power2theweak]

Broken Hearted,

Send me a PM if it would help to talk about it.

Hugs...