My boyfriend and I are planning on getting married next summer . We are both very active in our church group at the university we attend, infact that is were me meet one another and most of our friends. Neither one of us ever really thought that this would be a problem. For the longest time sexual temptation was not an issue. We both knew that it is God's will to wait for marriage and we also wanted to wait. However, over two years since along with the anticipation of marriage, it has become a real issue, we completely fail on a weekly basis. When we do make it several days or even a whole week without mishap... we always seem to crash and burn far worse than when it was a little everyday. It pains us both in our failure to remain pure and we pray about it alone and together. I dont know what to do. I've tried to get him to go talk to the church leader of the college classes to have some one keep us in check, but he is too ashamed.
-
Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.
-
CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.
Struggles with purity
- Thread starter jodie123
- Start date
we cant get married sooner because we are still in school and dont have much of an income, I will be finished this fall. His cousin is starting school with us this fall and needs a room mate, so he had to be the one, plus we wanted to go through premarital counseling first
Upvote
0
A
AngelDove1
Guest
If thats the case....
you can still be married and not live together.
How bad do you both want to make it right with God?
Thats the question.
the issue was ...
that your both are still (committing adultery) sinning.
Do you have another salution?
you can still be married and not live together.
How bad do you both want to make it right with God?
Thats the question.
the issue was ...
that your both are still (committing adultery) sinning.
Do you have another salution?
Upvote
0
B
BrBob
Guest
Jodie,jodie123 said:
You can do it! God promised that no temptation will come upon us that is so powerful that we, with His help, can't overcome.
The tools he has given us to overcome involve other parts of the body. The two of you need to set up some guidelines first, to make sure you are not in a position to fall into sin. Avoid being in places that are too private, limit your time together when you are alone, find ways to include other people into your time together or meet in public places. ALSO and this is very important - find a person(s) to be accountable to. This doesn't have to be a public thing, the person could simply be a friend you trust who serves the Lord. Each of you could have one and/or you could meet with someone toghther who can reinforce your strength.
Now, another thought. Be happy that the attraction is there! That's a gift from God. He wants us to enjoy each other but you are correct in your belief that He wants it to be done decently and in order.
Which brings me to the next thought. Avoiding sexual sin is more than just the right thing to do. God knows that there is shame involved in this and He does not want shame to be involved with your marital relationship. Reestablishing purity and keeping it can prevent the establishment of shame as part of your sex life. Shame can become associated with the physical union and that can taint the future relationship.
Be encouraged. You've taken the first step.
Oh, by the way. When shame is in a person's life, fear of discovery follows. That forces a person to control his or her lives to the point that God-control/guidance is hindered. Shame is a bad thing. Bring it out into the open!
God Bless You!
Upvote
0
- Jul 10, 2006
- 5,165
- 430
- 52
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- In Relationship
- Politics
- US-Republican
jodie123 said:
Hi Jodine,
I applaud you and your fiance for wanting to do the right thing. God designed sex and designed us to be sexual creatures and I know how difficult it can be not to "mess up" when you're with someone you love and are attracted to. First of all, please don't be so hard on yourself. Whatever you and your fiance had done sexually is nothing God's grace and forgiveness can't wash away. Continue praying, both alone and with each other. If temptations does arrise, then try to go somewhere where other people are. Go out on double dates. Establish and agree on clear boundries with each other. Keep your eyes on the prize which is your wedding day. God won't give you anything you can't handle.
blessings,
~Michele
Upvote
0
Get married. The cousin can live somewhere else. You can get premarriage counseling after you are married. You are doing great damage to continue with things as they are, and they are going to continue as they are.
The damage? Together you are lying to others and you both know it. Years later in your marriage if you worry aout him getting attracted to someone else (or he about you) you are both going to know how well you both lied about sexual sin in your lives and have a very hard time continuing to trust one another. I have seen this happen in marriages.
You think you are enjoying sex. You are experiencing guilty sex, and being remorseful about sex, which is far from what God intended for sex to be for you and has in mind for you. You are cheating yourself of a really great sex life.
As you repeatedly sin, you are hardening your hearts toward God and supressing the Holy Spirit. Tyese are dangerous things to do.
Please - think about getting married NOW. You obviously have enough money to live on right now, and costs will actually go down if you share living space. It is possible to have a very simple wedding without much more expense than a party if you really want to get married. Please don't continue in sin for the white dress and the hoopla.
The damage? Together you are lying to others and you both know it. Years later in your marriage if you worry aout him getting attracted to someone else (or he about you) you are both going to know how well you both lied about sexual sin in your lives and have a very hard time continuing to trust one another. I have seen this happen in marriages.
You think you are enjoying sex. You are experiencing guilty sex, and being remorseful about sex, which is far from what God intended for sex to be for you and has in mind for you. You are cheating yourself of a really great sex life.
As you repeatedly sin, you are hardening your hearts toward God and supressing the Holy Spirit. Tyese are dangerous things to do.
Please - think about getting married NOW. You obviously have enough money to live on right now, and costs will actually go down if you share living space. It is possible to have a very simple wedding without much more expense than a party if you really want to get married. Please don't continue in sin for the white dress and the hoopla.
Upvote
0
I promise you your failure to deal with this issue will follow you both into the marriage. Bliz is absolutely right about that.
You have the option to get married now and not live together. I totally agree with Bliz about the "queen for a day syndrome" If you are delaying the wedding so that you can have all of that at the expense of this offense than you aren't mature enough to marry.
OR
If you are not willing to marry ASAP, you have to make sure that you are not ever in a situation where you can fail. No private time together. You can sit in talk in public places like the library or a restaurant or church. Not even riding in a car to church alone together. I would encourage you to both agree to not have any physical contact beyond holding hands.
If you choose the second option it is imperative that both of you talk to a pastor and that both of you find accountability partners that will be brutally honest with you.
Honestly, if you were my daughter and my future son in law was too proud to confess the sin he committed against my daughter to his pastor I would be against him having my daughter's hand in marriage.
You have the option to get married now and not live together. I totally agree with Bliz about the "queen for a day syndrome" If you are delaying the wedding so that you can have all of that at the expense of this offense than you aren't mature enough to marry.
OR
If you are not willing to marry ASAP, you have to make sure that you are not ever in a situation where you can fail. No private time together. You can sit in talk in public places like the library or a restaurant or church. Not even riding in a car to church alone together. I would encourage you to both agree to not have any physical contact beyond holding hands.
If you choose the second option it is imperative that both of you talk to a pastor and that both of you find accountability partners that will be brutally honest with you.
Honestly, if you were my daughter and my future son in law was too proud to confess the sin he committed against my daughter to his pastor I would be against him having my daughter's hand in marriage.
Upvote
0
Similar threads
