Struggles with Gender Dysphoria

JCScar · Feb 9, 2015

So hello!

I have been struggling with a problem called gender dysphoria for a long time. I've basically had it ever since I was nine or ten and it was something that happened unconciously and slowly over time. Sort of like a build up and I always felt sort of awkward and different from my other classmates. I've also had depression and social anxiety ever since then and all three go hand in hand with each other. I didn't really know what was going on until I was around 14 or 15. That's when I finally realized that I have been struggling with the image of being a man as well as learning what GID was and that I was not alone(a big relief!). For the longest time I've repressed it because I thought it would go away but it's only gotten worse over the years and for the last few years I tried to dress and act very feminine which made me uncomfortable and come off as fake. As of late I have cut my hair short in a pixie cut and started wearing more tomyboyish clothes though I really want to wear male clothing.

It's helped a little but I still feel very depressed. I haven't been able to look at myself in the mirror or in a reflection for a long time. And well I have always had problems with a lot of the female aspects lf my body.

I told my parents about it eventually and I have been in therapy for all these problems. So far it's going okay but I just feel so trapped and hopeless about this identity problem.

So finally where does God come into this? Well I have pushed myself to really pray hard and read scripture lately. It has gotten me closer to Him which has been great. I keep praying that He'll help me ovecome these problems and I have faith that He'll lead me in the right path.

But does anyone have any advice on what I can do as well? Especially any other Christians who have been struggling or struggled with gender identity problems?

Thank you very much.

grandvizier1006 · Feb 16, 2015

Hey. I don't have any sort of gender dysphoria, I don't think, but I'd like to help.

What I'm saying isn't exactly a popular or accepted opinion, but I believe that you can feel comfortable in the gender God made you. Your feelings of being "a man trapped in a woman's body" don't necessarily reflect reality. I think that if you went further in making yourself look like a man--getting a sex change or hormones--then God would still consider you female. Your feelings of gender dysphoria are a lie that you don't have to surrender to, as tempting and easy as it might seem.

Like I said, I've never had GID issues, so I don't know how to go about making yourself comfortable in your gender. But I will say a few things:

Being a woman does not mean wearing heels and make-up and whatnot, and being a man doesn't having a penis or getting a short haircut. There is absolutely no reason for you to be ashamed of your female genitals or breasts or any other feminine thing about yourself. Your feminity is not defined by your appearance but by what God says about you and how God made you. If you're sexually attracted to men, then this just proves my point further. How could you possibly be a gay man trapped in a heterosexual woman's body, for example?

Basically, your identity is in Christ, and nothing else. I don't quite know what Paul means in Galatians by "there is neither male nor female", but my guess is that it doesn't matter what gender one is so long as one is a Christian.

Some people take that to mean that gender is an arbitrary social construct. To some degree, it's true that "gender roles" are arbitrary social constructs. But they didn't come about out of necessity, they came about because God designed men and women to be different from each other.

Although I've never had GID, I have had perceived "masculinity deficits". I thought I could not be "a real man" for a long time, and once I even thought it was just better for me to be a woman because women seemed to be superior (my parents talked me out of this mindset, though, thank God). Years later, I finally realized that I was, in fact, male, despite my scrawny body, sexual confusion, and "un-manly" interests (I was never into sports, lol).

The same thing applies to you and being female. I know that maybe me saying that "God made you a woman, so you're not a man" probably isn't the most helpful thing ever, but I would love to help you feel comfortable in your own gender as much as I can.

Try to imagine a world where no one had a gender at all. Hard to picture, I know, but in that sort of world people wouldn't be basing their identities off of it. Sure, people's identities consist more of just what gender they are, but for some people this is major. Maybe if people had no genders, sexuality would be irrelevant as well. I don't know.

But my point is this: gender is both an inherent characteristic--possibly embedded in a person's soul--and also a superficial one. My point is that you don't have to "become a man" because in God's eyes there is no flaw or error in you. You are perfect the way you are--not that you're sinless, of course, but I mean that all of those things that you might think you "need" to do in order to establish an identity for yourself are irrelevant in light of Christ.

I know a LOT about identity, from my own identity crisis. I have Asperger's Syndrome, OCD, and when I was younger I looked at things which, for lack of a better word, made me somewhat bisexual (it wasn't actual porn). My Asperger's made me once think that I "needed" to learn social skills or else I wasn't "really a person" because I'd be too shy and introverted, or else I'd have to be this nerdy loser. My OCD makes me feel like I "need" to do this or that thing that I don't need to do, or else I'll be this thing that I don't want to be. I "have" to worry about something, or so my OCD says, so that the thing I'm worried about won't happen. And my sexuality goes into that--I "need" to get aroused by women or else I'm just a flaming homosexual, or so my OCD says, and if I'm not sexually active or constantly sexually aroused then I'm "missing out" on something.

But in God's eyes, all of the superficial things I worry about are completely irrelevant. Am I going to be able to learn social skills well enough to adjust to the world? Who cares? says God. Am I going to be able to "confirm" my sexuality? Who cares? says God. Am I going to be able to confirm whatever it is that my OCD tells me to be afraid of? Who cares? says God.

All of the things we humans care about mean nothing to God, while the state of our souls--something God cares about deeply--is something we often neglect. I would advise you to keep doing what you've been doing--live simply and walk humbly with God. Don't try and "force" yourself into being a woman or make yourself think that you really are a man. Just let God work within you, and let Him determine your path in life.

I'll be sure to keep you in my prayers, and I hope you can remember that your identity is in Christ. God bless

JCScar · Feb 18, 2015

grandvizier1006 said:
Hey. I don't have any sort of gender dysphoria, I don't think, but I'd like to help.

What I'm saying isn't exactly a popular or accepted opinion, but I believe that you can feel comfortable in the gender God made you. Your feelings of being "a man trapped in a woman's body" don't necessarily reflect reality. I think that if you went further in making yourself look like a man--getting a sex change or hormones--then God would still consider you female. Your feelings of gender dysphoria are a lie that you don't have to surrender to, as tempting and easy as it might seem.

Like I said, I've never had GID issues, so I don't know how to go about making yourself comfortable in your gender. But I will say a few things:

Being a woman does not mean wearing heels and make-up and whatnot, and being a man doesn't having a penis or getting a short haircut. There is absolutely no reason for you to be ashamed of your female genitals or breasts or any other feminine thing about yourself. Your feminity is not defined by your appearance but by what God says about you and how God made you. If you're sexually attracted to men, then this just proves my point further. How could you possibly be a gay man trapped in a heterosexual woman's body, for example?

Basically, your identity is in Christ, and nothing else. I don't quite know what Paul means in Galatians by "there is neither male nor female", but my guess is that it doesn't matter what gender one is so long as one is a Christian.

Some people take that to mean that gender is an arbitrary social construct. To some degree, it's true that "gender roles" are arbitrary social constructs. But they didn't come about out of necessity, they came about because God designed men and women to be different from each other.

Although I've never had GID, I have had perceived "masculinity deficits". I thought I could not be "a real man" for a long time, and once I even thought it was just better for me to be a woman because women seemed to be superior (my parents talked me out of this mindset, though, thank God). Years later, I finally realized that I was, in fact, male, despite my scrawny body, sexual confusion, and "un-manly" interests (I was never into sports, lol).

The same thing applies to you and being female. I know that maybe me saying that "God made you a woman, so you're not a man" probably isn't the most helpful thing ever, but I would love to help you feel comfortable in your own gender as much as I can.

Try to imagine a world where no one had a gender at all. Hard to picture, I know, but in that sort of world people wouldn't be basing their identities off of it. Sure, people's identities consist more of just what gender they are, but for some people this is major. Maybe if people had no genders, sexuality would be irrelevant as well. I don't know.

But my point is this: gender is both an inherent characteristic--possibly embedded in a person's soul--and also a superficial one. My point is that you don't have to "become a man" because in God's eyes there is no flaw or error in you. You are perfect the way you are--not that you're sinless, of course, but I mean that all of those things that you might think you "need" to do in order to establish an identity for yourself are irrelevant in light of Christ.

I know a LOT about identity, from my own identity crisis. I have Asperger's Syndrome, OCD, and when I was younger I looked at things which, for lack of a better word, made me somewhat bisexual (it wasn't actual porn). My Asperger's made me once think that I "needed" to learn social skills or else I wasn't "really a person" because I'd be too shy and introverted, or else I'd have to be this nerdy loser. My OCD makes me feel like I "need" to do this or that thing that I don't need to do, or else I'll be this thing that I don't want to be. I "have" to worry about something, or so my OCD says, so that the thing I'm worried about won't happen. And my sexuality goes into that--I "need" to get aroused by women or else I'm just a flaming homosexual, or so my OCD says, and if I'm not sexually active or constantly sexually aroused then I'm "missing out" on something.

But in God's eyes, all of the superficial things I worry about are completely irrelevant. Am I going to be able to learn social skills well enough to adjust to the world? Who cares? says God. Am I going to be able to "confirm" my sexuality? Who cares? says God. Am I going to be able to confirm whatever it is that my OCD tells me to be afraid of? Who cares? says God.

All of the things we humans care about mean nothing to God, while the state of our souls--something God cares about deeply--is something we often neglect. I would advise you to keep doing what you've been doing--live simply and walk humbly with God. Don't try and "force" yourself into being a woman or make yourself think that you really are a man. Just let God work within you, and let Him determine your path in life.

I'll be sure to keep you in my prayers, and I hopeu you can remember that your identity is in Christ. God bless

Well I don't know. It's incredibly hard for me to really explain how I feel. I'll try to go into a bit more explanation though.

For one thing I'm not really super masculine or super feminine. Like most people I am a mix of both and I am fine with that. I've never felt like I was too masculine to be a woman or something. So it's really not a gender expression problem. I did indeed force myself into a feminine carciture the last few years in order to fit in but I still did enjoy 'masculine' activities and such. Even now I'm not really trying to hyper-masculinize myself and disaccioate myself from anything feminine.

Which leads into I guess another inportant thing. I don't really see myself as having to become a super masculine guy or a romanticized, idealized manly man in order to be one. You know like those shallow, narrow stereotypes of what a man is.

I have never been attracted to the same sex so I haven't had sexuality issues. I guess if I were to transition or whatever that would make me a gay man but I have not ever really been into romance/sex whether hetereo or homo. I don't believe that somehow being a gay guy in a gay relationship is somehow 'cooler' or whatever than a straight one.

I don't want to be a man because I somehow feel that men are better than women. I know I can do everything as a woman and I know men have to deal with struggles too.

In the end I don't fall into any of the stereotypes either. My parents and I are close as well as my extended family, I have never been abused or went through trauma, I'm not attracted to girls, etc.

So I don't really know why I feel this way or why it happened. I guess I have identified more with men than women but I have always had both male and female friends and all.

I was a bit of a tomboy when I was little but I didn't mind wearing dresses or sometimes playing with Barbies. So yeah it's a bit frustrating that I don't know why this has happened and why I've felt this way most of my life.

I wouldn't really describe myself as a 'man trapped in a woman's body', just more like a man that isn't reconized as one. :/ I don't hate my body and I like a lot of things about it. My female stuff makes me uncomfortable and it feels out of place but I don't really hate it with a passion or something.

Either way, it's just hard to explain because I can't point my finger on why it's this way.

But I do agree with you that God can show me the way and that I have to put my trust in Him. I feel like this is my first real life trial and a opportunity to get really close to God. I believe He will change my life with this! And yes my identity is certainly in Christ.

Thank you for praying for me, I really appreciate it. I hope God will show me the Truth and set me free. I certainly don't believe God makes mistakes, so I know he can heal me from this.

axydavid · Feb 26, 2015

Hai,
I just wanted to say that I agree with grandvizier, his reply is very insightful and mature.
I also have issues with gender identity, the issue for me is that I'd rather rather see myself as a girl which comes from the fact that I compare myself trough a secular definition of male, which I was and always will fail to meet.
In the last 20-30 years the gender purposes have been distorted and perverted even more and I'm not surprised to find so many people that have issues with it.
Now I'm not saying that all of the changes on gender purpose are bad, we are living in a world that is continuously changing and it only seems fair that the purposes are changing with it.
I believe that the most important thing in this situation is to trust God and let the Holy Spirit work in you, you cannot change yourself, you tried it and you felt horrible and frustrated so that won't work.
I find great relief in the fact that once we die and go to heaven we get a new body which will be genderless, yeah.... a genderless body, now that totally sounds like heaven to me
Now back on trying to be "feminine", you felt fake 'cause you were one, you tried to solve the issue in one of the worst way possible, starting from the outside.
What I would suggest is to clothe and act the way you feel BUT you should ask God about every single aspect of it, I believe that he will point out the stuff that he thinks are not OK and just as grandvizier said, you will not end up wearing "feminine" clothes and behaviour, 'cause that's not what being a women is all about. God is more flexible about gender purpose comparing with the standards of society, just think about how much the beauty standard has changed during the world's history, it just shows how narrow the society views identity and how much more wide God sees it.
I can totally relate to the mirror horrors, mirrors are our greatest enemy yet a required accessory.
And yes, the horrors of secondary sex characteristics, I hate the fact that my fingers are getting more thick, it is really depressive if I think too much about it but the truth is that even if we can avoid our gender purpose we can never avoid our gender, it is something that we have to live with, sad but true.
We have to think about the goal which is heaven, life may suck or be unfair however there is a God that wants us to conquer life and be a part of his family.

P.S. I love princess monoke, and every anime made by Hayao Myazaki, too bad he retired
P.S.S Praying for you too

ALEA40 · Mar 1, 2015

Hey JCScar,

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please know you are not alone!!! Our world was turned upside down about a month ago when my 11 yo son told us he is a girl. He saw a Youtube video about it and had a realization that he is a girl. He has issues with anxiety and was diagnosed with mild autism when he was 7. It's been challenging reconciling my biblical Christian perspective (I'm a newbie so we tend to be very legalistic) and transgender issues. You might want to check out this study was recently published regarding the biological basis of gender disorders:

Transgender: Evidence on the biological nature of gender identity -- ScienceDaily

I've found comfort in Jesus's words from Matthew 19:12 "For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others--and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it." Just the fact that Jesus is talking about gender issues and being born with it has been intensely comforting to me.

My son had gender issues starting at about 2.5 years old (trying to pull off genitals, making girl potions, wanting girl clothes, etc). The discontent would last a week or two but would reoccur every 6 months. The intensity never lasted long enough for us to do anything about it. It stopped at about 6 or 7. Overall his interests have been obsessive and intensely boyish for the past 5 years (skateboarding, surfing, snowboarding, video games, etc.). So, I feel like I've been dropped on another planet. But, I have faith that "God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I know he has a plan for all of this and it will ultimately make all of us stronger according to His purpose.

Blessings to you!

JCScar · Mar 23, 2015

@axydavid: Thank you for the advice too and it's nice to see someone else struggle with the same problem, to be honest not much has happened yet so I am getting anxious. And I like all his movies too

@ALEA40: Thank you for the article! That's really interesting and a different perspective on all of this. It sure would explain a lot if there was some sort of biological basis with this, but I am not so sure within my case. I sure hope all things go well with your child. It must be hard for a parent to see their child in distress like that. So I really hope God blesses your family and child with the least painful decision.

So far, not much has changed in my struggle and it's gotten a bit worse, but I hope there will be an answer from God soon. Thank you for all of the advice, once again.

DeborahS757 · Mar 27, 2015

Hey JCScar,

Sorry for a kind of late response but I just saw this and signed up for an account to respond.

So, full disclosure to begin with. I used to post in CF a lot but quit a few years ago and now made this new account. I’m 55 years old and transsexual. I recently began treatment for this, both counseling and more recently medical, HRT. Like you I knew without a doubt I was transsexual since I was about 11 even though I didn’t have a word for it until many years later. I’m also Christian although currently inactive. I have attended some seminary and used to teach bible classes.

<Staff Edit>

You said you had a therapist. That’s great. Is it a therapist qualified in gender issues? If not, find one that is. Then with the therapist discover what your path forward is. Nobody on an internet forum can do that for you.

I hope that adds some clarity to your situation even if it may not have been exactly what you wanted to hear. If you would like to talk more I am always available.

JCScar · Apr 14, 2015

DeborahS757 said:
Hey JCScar,

Sorry for a kind of late response but I just saw this and signed up for an account to respond.

So, full disclosure to begin with. I used to post in CF a lot but quit a few years ago and now made this new account. Im 55 years old and transsexual. I recently began treatment for this, both counseling and more recently medical, HRT. Like you I knew without a doubt I was transsexual since I was about 11 even though I didnt have a word for it until many years later. Im also Christian although currently inactive. I have attended some seminary and used to teach bible classes.

<Staff Edit>

You said you had a therapist. Thats great. Is it a therapist qualified in gender issues? If not, find one that is. Then with the therapist discover what your path forward is. Nobody on an internet forum can do that for you.

I hope that adds some clarity to your situation even if it may not have been exactly what you wanted to hear. If you would like to talk more I am always available.

I believe she was a therapist who was at the very least open minded and respectful about my gender issues. Even very supportive. Sadly I only have one more session with her because she is going inactive due to small children. So I have to find a new one. She advised me to find a therapist who specializes in gender identity but my mother is sort of against it. She said she doesn't want someone forcing me to think it's okay or something. So I'm sort of worried about what next therapist I will get because I really need one that is understanding.

It is nice to hear that there are others who have gone through this, I feel incredibly alone about this issue even though I have opened up to some family. I want to do what is right as a Christian but I feel as if I haven't been given much of an answer yet. Thank you for your testimony and advice it has really given me encouragement.

katerinah1947 · May 2, 2015

JCScar said:
So hello!

I have been struggling with a problem called gender dysphoria for a long time. I've basically had it ever since I was nine or ten and it was something that happened unconciously and slowly over time. Sort of like a build up and I always felt sort of awkward and different from my other classmates. I've also had depression and social anxiety ever since then and all three go hand in hand with each other. I didn't really know what was going on until I was around 14 or 15. That's when I finally realized that I have been struggling with the image of being a man as well as learning what GID was and that I was not alone(a big relief!). For the longest time I've repressed it because I thought it would go away but it's only gotten worse over the years and for the last few years I tried to dress and act very feminine which made me uncomfortable and come off as fake. As of late I have cut my hair short in a pixie cut and started wearing more tomyboyish clothes though I really want to wear male clothing.

It's helped a little but I still feel very depressed. I haven't been able to look at myself in the mirror or in a reflection for a long time. And well I have always had problems with a lot of the female aspects lf my body.

I told my parents about it eventually and I have been in therapy for all these problems. So far it's going okay but I just feel so trapped and hopeless about this identity problem.

So finally where does God come into this? Well I have pushed myself to really pray hard and read scripture lately. It has gotten me closer to Him which has been great. I keep praying that He'll help me ovecome these problems and I have faith that He'll lead me in the right path.

But does anyone have any advice on what I can do as well? Especially any other Christians who have been struggling or struggled with gender identity problems?

Thank you very much.

Hi,
I have no advice, only experiences. I am a 67 year old Christian Transgender female, who only started full time transitioning at age 65, because for me it never went away and I was totally out of options.
My body makes a whole lot more sense now, and for whatever reasons mentally and emotionally I am female inside without even trying to be. Also, God totally sees me and treats me as female. He first did that in late 2007, and finally in late 2012, I started to formally transition. In 2006, January, I had my first clue from God that He was going to do something extraordinary, and by May of 2007, it was complete. Mentally, emotionally, I was female at the very beginning of May 2007, matching my internal gender, and then God, your God confirmed my gender 6 or 7 months later, but it still took me 6 more years to finalyy transition.
I have known since age 5 or so, if that helps. This year my youthful memories which have all been a blank for 50 years all came back, the thrick was I was always female in a male body, and I believed everyone, so I tried it their way, and now that I am no longer doing that, even my memories of my childhood are back, as long as I see them from a girls point of view.
Well thats about it, other than when I had to be diagnosed, the Ph.D. Psychologist confirmed not only Gender Dysphoria, but Christian Mysticism, and the Presence of Jesus with me in all of my Psychologist appointments. So, even Jesus was in favor of my Transitioning.
LOVE,
...Katie., .... .

StephanieSomer · May 3, 2015

JCScar said:
So hello!

I have been struggling with a problem called gender dysphoria for a long time. I've basically had it ever since I was nine or ten and it was something that happened unconciously and slowly over time. Sort of like a build up and I always felt sort of awkward and different from my other classmates. I've also had depression and social anxiety ever since then and all three go hand in hand with each other. I didn't really know what was going on until I was around 14 or 15. That's when I finally realized that I have been struggling with the image of being a man as well as learning what GID was and that I was not alone(a big relief!). For the longest time I've repressed it because I thought it would go away but it's only gotten worse over the years and for the last few years I tried to dress and act very feminine which made me uncomfortable and come off as fake. As of late I have cut my hair short in a pixie cut and started wearing more tomyboyish clothes though I really want to wear male clothing.

It's helped a little but I still feel very depressed. I haven't been able to look at myself in the mirror or in a reflection for a long time. And well I have always had problems with a lot of the female aspects lf my body.

I told my parents about it eventually and I have been in therapy for all these problems. So far it's going okay but I just feel so trapped and hopeless about this identity problem.

So finally where does God come into this? Well I have pushed myself to really pray hard and read scripture lately. It has gotten me closer to Him which has been great. I keep praying that He'll help me ovecome these problems and I have faith that He'll lead me in the right path.

But does anyone have any advice on what I can do as well? Especially any other Christians who have been struggling or struggled with gender identity problems?

Thank you very much.

If you are struggling, it indicates you have no definite Scriptural position concerning it. Study the Scripture. Study it thoroughly. Understand it. Believe what IT says, not necessarily what other people tell you it says. People are easily swayed by their own prejudices and readily use Scripture to make it say what they want it to say when God intended no such notion.

I did exactly that. Spent 4 years doing so. I'm in transition.

But, don't follow MY lead. Follow God's. Do what He gives you the faith and peace to do. If He doesn't give you the faith to do something, then doing that thing is sinful. If He DOES give you faith, you have His blessing.

Struggles with Gender Dysphoria

JCScar

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grandvizier1006

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