Struggleing with perscribtion drugs and guilt...

[Momtotwo]

Hello all,

I am new here but have been a Christain for over ten years. There has been times during those years that I have turned from God, but his blessed forgiveness has taken me back. I am a strong believer but have a terrible problem.
I have had some major surgerys after my first and second children have been born. Due to medical problem (femal problem) the doctors ended up putting me on vicodin and on norco's (the double strength of vicodin). I take them for pain, sometimes more than perscribed and some times less.
I admit that I take these pills where the presence of pain is not there. I take them on a sequedual and sometimes take more for an "extra lift". I have tryed to quit, the physical pain has lifted for the most part, but after quiting for a while I expirence THE WORST depression I have ever had in my life. I can't sleep. I pray constatnally, but just normal duties like giving my kids a bath, or combing my hair seem impossible. Once I start back on the vicodin, things get much better.
I seem to be trapped and I am so guilty. I know I am leagally perscribed the pain medicen and even if I take as many as perscribed I am still plagued with so much guilt. I hate that I have hurt God so much, I hate that I have turned to these drugs to help me with my depression and can't seem to live life without them. I have tryed so much to quit, God is my motivation, my everything, but I seem to be trapped.
Please, anyone with any expirence or advice, I would love to hear from you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading this and for your help. Please pray for me!

God Bless all!

 

[Fable]

Hello all,

I seem to be trapped and I am so guilty. I know I am leagally perscribed the pain medicen and even if I take as many as perscribed I am still plagued with so much guilt. I hate that I have hurt God so much, I hate that I have turned to these drugs to help me with my depression and can't seem to live life without them. I have tryed so much to quit, God is my motivation, my everything, but I seem to be trapped.

Hi Momtotwo –

You seem really discouraged, and I just wanted you to know, I will pray for you. I am trying to beat my own addiction (which is alcohol), so I don’t have a lot of advice on your personal struggles with the drug itself, but I do want to say that God loves you in spite of yourself, not because of yourself, so don’t be discouraged about letting God down. More to the point, work on conquering the addiction because it will be better for you mentally, physically and spiritually and just trust that God is there for you in all of your efforts no matter what the outcome.

I wish you the best!

 

[Momtotwo]

Thank you so much, Your post brought tears to my eyes. I just wanted to check to see if anyone responded before I went to bed. I was thinking to myself, probaly no one even saw my post and if so...the responce from people would probally just make me feel more ashamed and quilty...but your responce did not do that at all. I NEVER thought of looking at my situation as something that I could deal with and still be a Christain. It may sound strange but every time I take a pill I picture God so disapointed, and getting so far away from me...I think, why should he even care about my prayers, my struggles...I have let him down so much...I feel like a total loser. But Fable, helped me see that he is still here and it gives me hope, where there hasn't been much at all. God is with me no matter what...and that is what you taught me, so THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.
I just wanted to let you know your post mattered so much to me and that I really appriate it. I will post more soon and I will say a prayer for you. I really hope that with God we both can overcome these obsticals, I know with God all things are possible, so I KNOW it can be done!
God Bless

 

[chilehed]

...Please, anyone with any expirence or advice, I would love to hear from you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading this and for your help. Please pray for me!

God Bless all!

Momtotwo,

So sorry that you're having such struggles. I assure you that you're not alone, and that God loves you more deeply than you can imagine. Remember that our struggles and sorrows are given so that we might turn toward Him, and so that we have the opportunity to be an image of God to those who suffer.

These are very potent drugs, and although they do have a legitimate use it is very easy to become dependent on them. Withdrawal is very difficult, and a lot of the depression you feel when trying to quit is due to the chemical things that happen as your body cleans out. Unfortunately this can take much more time than we'd like.

Have you spoken to your physician about this? If not, you need to do so right away. Depending on how much your doctor knows about addiction, you might want to find someone who specializes in addiction issues. It's not uncommon for withdrawal from pills to require medical supervision; this is very serious.

Getting clean is very difficult. You can do it, but not alone. I struggled with addiction for many years, and was unable to get clean until God brought me to Narcotics Anonymous. Today by the grace of God I've been clean 7265 days (19 years, 10 months, 20 days), and it's been so long since I struggled with addiction that I don't remember when the last time was.

Whatever happens, the first part of getting and staying clean is to not take that first drug. That might mean that you have to feel some physical pain. Since I've been clean I've had two surgeries. The worst was a torn ligament repair last year; the night after the surgery my hand felt like it was dipped in a bucket of fire. I ended up taking some of the vicodin for about a day, but the euphoria I felt scared the crap out of me. So I gritted my teeth and by the next evening I was able to barely manage the pain with Tylenol. My hand felt really hot but I was able to sleep, and the day after I flushed the rest of the dope down the toilet. I got though the experience because I have a good support system in NA, I used it and I prayed a whole bunch before, during and after - and as soon as I could I stopped taking the drugs even though it hurt.

In the time I've been clean I've seen many people come into NA, and without exception those who get with the program and hold on for dear life get clean, stay clean, and experience a profound freedom from their addiction. I suggest that you give that program a try. Use the link below to find a meeting in your area, get phone numbers from the women you meet there. Use the numbers and take the suggestions you get.

Remember - you're not alone, and you don't have to use anymore. You are certainly in my prayers.

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

In the meantime, you might find this to be helpful: http://www.na.org/pdf/litfiles/us_english/Booklet/In Times of Illness.pdf