Hello, I am a 23 year old male that is soon to be finishing up college. I have always had a huge struggle with sexual immorality, and I desire to fix it, cope with it, or just do something because I feel so ashamed about it.
I was not a Christian through most of my teenage years. It was also during this time I found out I was extremely sexual. I only had a few relationships during this time since I found long term committed relationships to be highly desirable. However, I was extremely sexual with my girlfriends.
Although I had spotty attendance to church through my last 2 years of high school to my first year of college, I didn't really understand anything I was listening to and I didn't really "get it" yet. It all changed when I started going regularly to a church my best friend invited me to. I honestly can say that I feel like something changed, and something happened to me. I can't explain it, but I felt things I had never felt before and I started to feel like I was starting to "get it". I wasn't perfect, and I wasn't quite there yet, but I felt like I was on my way, and I felt my heart open up a bit more. I felt a lot of my sexual urges subside from almost everyday to just once a week, and when I did feel it, I tried to pre-occupy myself with doing something else.
I had been single all this time, so I decided I would pray and actively seek for a partner. Perhaps that was the wrong choice, or perhaps I wasn't ready, because it pushed me into a path that lead me to extreme temptation. I gave in because I was weak. I started to become sexual again but it was different this time. This time I couldn't shake this feeling of numbness, this negative feeling every time it happened, this feeling that I knew something was wrong. But I kept going on with it, and I just felt my heart begin to close slowly. I stopped going to church and I wished I could just go back but for some reason I felt ashamed because I had full knowledge of what I did, and I knew it was wrong even though I enjoyed doing it so much.
This escalated to a point where I started dating this girl who I had been friends with for a couple years. She had started going to church recently and looking to become Christian since she had a sexual past as well. At first, it didn't go well. She stayed over at my place many times, and we always gave in to temptation. However, the gut wrenching feeling of just something, tugging at my insides, remained, and it got worse each time we did anything. I spoke with her twice, suggesting we should stop having sex but I couldn't keep my word each time.
My best friend suggested I go to some churches with him since he had been checking out a few churches to find one that was right for him. There was a specific one we checked out that we both liked, so we decided to go again. On one of these trips back to that church, I invited the girl I had been dating. And, on that exact day that we were both at that church together, the message of the sermon was about sexual immorality. It hit me, and I couldn't stop listening because I felt like this sermon was for me. And when I looked at her, it seemed like she felt the same way. I started to feel even more guilty because I felt like I was leading her away from God.
From then, it was a struggle for her and I to push aside our sexual natures. We both have strong feelings for each other. I tend to have the impression on girls that I can "charm" them into doing things, so I realized I was probably the one who needed to step up. We finally had another talk about it, and this time we set a firm line that we should not cross. We wanted to improve our relationship, and the only way to do that, we agreed, was the improve our relationship with God.
After we decided that, it seems like things became more difficult. We found out her landlord is basically kicking her out for no reason, so she had to stay at my place, and she may have to in the future unless she manages to find a place. She stayed for a week, and I told her to sleep on one side of the bed while I slept on the other side. Nothing happened during this time, as we tried to make true to this promise. However, it felt more like I was suppressing the urge than being relieved of it. There were times when she was not even around, perhaps at work or somewhere else, where I just felt a strong sexual urge out of nowhere. It prevents me from concentrating, sleeping, or just doing whatever I was doing at the time. I could just be taking a nap in my room, alone, no one home and no outside stimulus, yet suddenly, I feel the urge. This culminated to a point where the girl and I were severely tempted after a great night out. We were in my room and began touching each other, but then she quietly asked me if what I think what we're doing is "sexual in nature". I stopped, and I had to separate myself from her for a good 10-20 minutes to reign myself in and think. We ended up agreeing that tonight she should probably stay somewhere else.
I want to abstain from my urges, even though it's so hard and something inside me keeps pushing me sexually. When I'm in the mood, it's so hard to concentrate on what I need to do. The urges come randomly, powerfully, and most often at the times when I don't expect it. I honestly do not know what I can do. I have tried masterbating without lust, that is, masterbating without thinking about a woman. I don't know if masterbating is sinful, and trying to touch without fantasizing doesn't always work. I have tried doing something else, but that isn't always an option at night when I need to sleep and wake up early at a specific time. I feel like I am struggling with my sexual urges, and I need help to overcome them. I'm sorry this is such a long post, but I felt that some backstory was necessary. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do and how I can do it?
I was not a Christian through most of my teenage years. It was also during this time I found out I was extremely sexual. I only had a few relationships during this time since I found long term committed relationships to be highly desirable. However, I was extremely sexual with my girlfriends.
Although I had spotty attendance to church through my last 2 years of high school to my first year of college, I didn't really understand anything I was listening to and I didn't really "get it" yet. It all changed when I started going regularly to a church my best friend invited me to. I honestly can say that I feel like something changed, and something happened to me. I can't explain it, but I felt things I had never felt before and I started to feel like I was starting to "get it". I wasn't perfect, and I wasn't quite there yet, but I felt like I was on my way, and I felt my heart open up a bit more. I felt a lot of my sexual urges subside from almost everyday to just once a week, and when I did feel it, I tried to pre-occupy myself with doing something else.
I had been single all this time, so I decided I would pray and actively seek for a partner. Perhaps that was the wrong choice, or perhaps I wasn't ready, because it pushed me into a path that lead me to extreme temptation. I gave in because I was weak. I started to become sexual again but it was different this time. This time I couldn't shake this feeling of numbness, this negative feeling every time it happened, this feeling that I knew something was wrong. But I kept going on with it, and I just felt my heart begin to close slowly. I stopped going to church and I wished I could just go back but for some reason I felt ashamed because I had full knowledge of what I did, and I knew it was wrong even though I enjoyed doing it so much.
This escalated to a point where I started dating this girl who I had been friends with for a couple years. She had started going to church recently and looking to become Christian since she had a sexual past as well. At first, it didn't go well. She stayed over at my place many times, and we always gave in to temptation. However, the gut wrenching feeling of just something, tugging at my insides, remained, and it got worse each time we did anything. I spoke with her twice, suggesting we should stop having sex but I couldn't keep my word each time.
My best friend suggested I go to some churches with him since he had been checking out a few churches to find one that was right for him. There was a specific one we checked out that we both liked, so we decided to go again. On one of these trips back to that church, I invited the girl I had been dating. And, on that exact day that we were both at that church together, the message of the sermon was about sexual immorality. It hit me, and I couldn't stop listening because I felt like this sermon was for me. And when I looked at her, it seemed like she felt the same way. I started to feel even more guilty because I felt like I was leading her away from God.
From then, it was a struggle for her and I to push aside our sexual natures. We both have strong feelings for each other. I tend to have the impression on girls that I can "charm" them into doing things, so I realized I was probably the one who needed to step up. We finally had another talk about it, and this time we set a firm line that we should not cross. We wanted to improve our relationship, and the only way to do that, we agreed, was the improve our relationship with God.
After we decided that, it seems like things became more difficult. We found out her landlord is basically kicking her out for no reason, so she had to stay at my place, and she may have to in the future unless she manages to find a place. She stayed for a week, and I told her to sleep on one side of the bed while I slept on the other side. Nothing happened during this time, as we tried to make true to this promise. However, it felt more like I was suppressing the urge than being relieved of it. There were times when she was not even around, perhaps at work or somewhere else, where I just felt a strong sexual urge out of nowhere. It prevents me from concentrating, sleeping, or just doing whatever I was doing at the time. I could just be taking a nap in my room, alone, no one home and no outside stimulus, yet suddenly, I feel the urge. This culminated to a point where the girl and I were severely tempted after a great night out. We were in my room and began touching each other, but then she quietly asked me if what I think what we're doing is "sexual in nature". I stopped, and I had to separate myself from her for a good 10-20 minutes to reign myself in and think. We ended up agreeing that tonight she should probably stay somewhere else.
I want to abstain from my urges, even though it's so hard and something inside me keeps pushing me sexually. When I'm in the mood, it's so hard to concentrate on what I need to do. The urges come randomly, powerfully, and most often at the times when I don't expect it. I honestly do not know what I can do. I have tried masterbating without lust, that is, masterbating without thinking about a woman. I don't know if masterbating is sinful, and trying to touch without fantasizing doesn't always work. I have tried doing something else, but that isn't always an option at night when I need to sleep and wake up early at a specific time. I feel like I am struggling with my sexual urges, and I need help to overcome them. I'm sorry this is such a long post, but I felt that some backstory was necessary. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do and how I can do it?
