Sticky situation.

[Jenster]

Just thought I'd ask for some advice here. I've got some out-of-town friends showing up this week (not staying with me), and while I want to see them, I can't spend a lot of time with them. In the past, when we were closer, we and some other friends would spend lots of time together -- even days. My schedule doesn't allow that anymore.

I guess my dilemma is that they aren't saying exactly when they are or are not free. They keep trying to see when I'm free. But I don't want to give them ALL the times they're free because I don't want to spend all my time with them. It's this weird email dance we're doing. Now they're asking me if I'm free at a time I didn't "offer." I'm torn. Sorry if this isn't making a lot of sense. I'm trying to post in between going to work meetings. J What would you do in my shoes?

 

[dluvs2trvl]

I guess it depends on how badly you want to see them. If you really want to see them and you can make it during the time that they suggested then you should go but if it isn't that important for you to see them then I'd tell them you aren't available and suggest a better time that fits your schedule.

 

[Jenster]

Thanks, D. I guess the reason I'm in a quandary is because I don't want to get into a situation where they expect me to be free both the times that I've *already* offered and the time they are suggesting.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

Well, then I would just tell them that you need to nail down your schedule - you can get together with them once during their visit and then ask them which one of the times you've discussed works best for them...

 

[Jenster]

Thanks, that does sound reasonable. I do appreciate that we all want to get together, so I don't want to convey disinterest to them. Just feeling like I've got a lot going on, so I need to maintain some boundaries.

I'll make sure to ask them if they *can't* make the times that I've already suggested.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

Yeah - I'm sure there is a nicer way of saying it than what I wrote...

Maybe say something like...

I'm excited for your visit! Unfortunately, my schedule is pretty tight so I can only get together with you once while you're here. Do any of the times that we've talked about work out for you or is there a better time? I'd love to see you so I can try and juggle my schedule to fit a time that works for both of us.

 

[Jenster]

That sounds good, D. Can I hire you to be my speechwriter?

 

[HopeFaithLove4u]

I don't mean to be mean and I'm sorry if I 'sound' mean. But it really doesn't sound like you want to see them.

If I have friends coming in from out of town, then I 'make' time to see them.....I don't struggle to 'find' time.

 

[Jenster]

Yeah, I've been feeling under the weather this week (again!) and really need some down time. I've got activities planned for Thursday night, Saturday and Sunday already, and I work full-time. So the idea that they wanted me to be free when I told them I'd be -- PLUS when they suggested -- kinda worried me.

But I got some down time tonight and put a boundary around my Thursday plans, so I'm feeling better about things now. Yes, I do love them and enjoy being with them, but I have to know my limits, too. I've spoken with them and we've settled on some times that will work for all of us.

 

[ido]

I'm glad you got it worked out, Jen. I hate when people say they want to see me when they come into town, but they won't set a time/date or they ask for times other than what I've offered.

 

[HopeFaithLove4u]

oops, I think I misunderstood the OP.

So, your friends are coming to town and THEY only have certain times THEY can get together.

Then, I would just think they didn't care enough about me to 'make' the time to see me, if they were limited on time.....so I would do the same thing as you and not even care to make the arrangements.

I will only make time to see the people that make the time to see me, as well. I treat people, as they treat me.

 

[FlatpickingJD]

I was going to say that I probably would tell my friends that the times I gave are the only times I have available, can't we meet then. Only nicer.

 

[Bridgit]

Thanks, D. I guess the reason I'm in a quandary is because I don't want to get into a situation where they expect me to be free both the times that I've *already* offered and the time they are suggesting.

It sounds like you don't want to see them the day they want to see you. I suggest you tell them that you have some things that you planned earlier on doing and that you won't be available.

 

[Jenster]

Thanks you guys. HopeFaith, I'm sure if there was a misunderstanding, it was due to my poorly worded OP. My emotions tend to be a little "one-sided" when I'm first struck with a problem.

As it turns out, part of the deal with my friends was that the right hand didn't know what the left was doing. Meaning, I talked to one, then talked to the other, and in the meantime, they hadn't conferred with each other (which I didn't realize)! What silly confusion. That's part of the reason I was getting stresed.

Anyway, I feel better now. I think we're finally all on the same page, and they've accepted when I am and am not available. Thanks again!

 

[ido]

Thanks you guys. HopeFaith, I'm sure if there was a misunderstanding, it was due to my poorly worded OP. My emotions tend to be a little "one-sided" when I'm first struck with a problem.

As it turns out, part of the deal with my friends was that the right hand didn't know what the left was doing. Meaning, I talked to one, then talked to the other, and in the meantime, they hadn't conferred with each other (which I didn't realize)! What silly confusion. That's part of the reason I was getting stresed.

Anyway, I feel better now. I think we're finally all on the same page, and they've accepted when I am and am not available. Thanks again!

You're just so darn loveable, they want every spare moment they can manage with ya!

 

[mizangelwolf]

Honesty never fails Just tell them the times YOU want to be available. You have the right to limit YOUR own time.

 

[Jenster]

You're just so darn loveable, they want every spare moment they can manage with ya!

LOL, you're a sweetie, flnativegirl.

mizangelwolf -- good point.