Step parenting conferences, good, bad?

[Cinderella3653]

Having just gone to a Stepfamily conference I am wondering what other blended families experience with these types of things is. I'm the Bio parent, and He is the step parent, and we both left the conference in completely different takes on how it went and what the overall message was. I was encouraged because all the steps in building relationships with my two children by the step dad, have been good. I learned that we started out on the right path with a crock pot style idea... knowing that things are not going to change overnight... and that blending takes time. He left discouraged and defeated with the idea that no matter what he does to form a bond with the kids, he will always be a step parent, and it is solely dependant on the kids as to the depth of the relationship... and therefore.. he could be pouring into them for nothing. (in his view). We were doing well before... and now a defeatist attitude has crept into his view of things... and has shown itself a couple of times... for example he brought correction up with the youngest.. and did fine with that.. but added.. "but you don't listen to me cause Im just your step parent" at the end... whereas before the conference he didn't seem to say stuff like that in front of the kids. We might discuss those kinds of feelings behind closed doors, but they didn't just come out like that.. I'm at a loss as to how to help him feel any different at this point.. It almost makes me regret that we went to this conference... sigh.. has anyone else gone through this same result?

Thanks

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Never even heard of one, but sorry to hear your husband is discouraged. He needs to know he is doing a wonderful thing to parent these kids, but was he really doing it before for the reward of a closer relationship or because it's the right thing to do?

I have no expectations with my step son. He is not an easy child to deal with, but I know I'm doing the right thing with God by being the best step-parent and wife to his dad. I wish my kids had met my husband when they were younger and had the chance for a closer relationship, but I don't think either one of us was ready for each other and I just have to be thankful that I have him now. I do have some blended family material from a parenting class that I need to dig out and read.