step 6&7

[Red A.]

At the temple Christ asks the paralyzed man "do you want to be made well?". (John 5) At first blush this seems like a stupid question. Of course he wants to be made well, he's been paralyzed for 38 years, who wouldn't want to be made well.

Then I ran square into the steps and the genius of Christ became clear to me.

"I ruthlessly faced my sins and became willing to have my new-found Friend take them away, root and branch." Page 13 of the AA big book, first edition.

Exactly that! I had this big list of defects and wanted them to be gone they were killing me, why wouldn't I want them all gone. I was in for a bigger fight than I bargained for.

Yes I want to be free of my resentments, but I don't really want to give up my self pity. I want to quit the sexual misconduct but I don't want to give up the validation it gives me. I want to lose the disgrace of my dishonesty but neither do I want you to see the real me. I want to feel better about myself but I don't want to give up my judgment. I want to get rid of my sloth, but I sure don't want to get up off of my fat ass. Every character defect has a payoff, and I have to be willing to let go of that payoff to be free of the defect.

Again, as was the case in step 2 I had the difficult task of becoming willing when I really wasn't willing at all.

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Just posting some thoughts on the steps for discussion.

 

[If Not For Grace]

I want to get rid of my sloth, but I sure don't want to get up off of my fat ass. Every character defect has a payoff, and I have to be willing to let go of that payoff to be free of the defect.

Boy you sure nailed me. I have been trying to figure out why I been stuck on step 6 so long (I mean years) & reading your post it like a light came on. I don't know that its going to energize me, but At least I know why--I like certain benefits I get from my defects-

It's like speeding, I know its wrong even dangerous, but when I'm running late I juststify it, or gamble with it, if I get a ticket I pay it--but I've gotten in a habit of driving way to fast, & I know I am pressing my luck, but I still do it--


Same with the defects...WOW-I got to go mediate on this, maybe I'll actually get somewhere....

 

[madison1101]

Steps 6 & 7 were where I got stuck in previous sobrieties, and never stayed sober. I came to realize that in rehab, and also realized that I was never honest with myself, nor willing to change. I also have to be open minded to learning from everyone and anyone willing to help me in my recovery journey.

Since rehab, I have worked hard at the Steps. Confession and repentance about my faults has helped me eliminate a lot of my character defects. I made amends to my Mom and my ex's wife, something I never thought I could do. Mom continues to challenge my serenity, and I was too ashamed of how I offended my ex's wife to do the amends with her.

One of the things I realized about 6 & 7 was that I did not have to wait for God to remove my character defects before moving ont to 8 & 9. I just had to be willing to have God remove the character defects and ask Him to do so, IN HIS TIME. In moving forward to the remaining steps, I have seen God work in His infinite wisdom in removing some of them, in spite of my willfulness.

I hope this makes sense.

Trish R.

 

[If Not For Grace]

The honest truth for me was that I was not entirely ready, I felt comfortable with some of my defects (even though I acknowledged them as defects) because somehow I was/am using them as defense mechanisms-the Sloth statement was/is true for me as well. I am harboring resentments & unforgiveness (even for some who are dead) as some sense of false security, so that I feel safer from being hurt again. It all boils down to not TRULY trusting God to see me through--now that's the ugly truth.

 

[madison1101]

The honest truth for me was that I was not entirely ready, I felt comfortable with some of my defects (even though I acknowledged them as defects) because somehow I was/am using them as defense mechanisms-the Sloth statement was/is true for me as well. I am harboring resentments & unforgiveness (even for some who are dead) as some sense of false security, so that I feel safer from being hurt again. It all boils down to not TRULY trusting God to see me through--now that's the ugly truth.

One of the neat things I am learning the hard way is that if I am not ready to do something in recovery, I can pray and ask God to give me a heart of willingness. I will never forget when I learned that Jesus said, I think in the book of John, that if we love Him, we obey His Word. That means when I am sinning, and holding onto those character defects, I am not loving Him. How could I not love Him, after He so willingly suffered the emotional and physical pain of the cross for me, for those very sins I want to hold onto. The more I dig into the Word, the more motivated I become to let go of my sin, and move onto more sobriety and more sanity.

I hope this makes sense.

Trish R.

 

[If Not For Grace]

in the book of John, that if we love Him, we obey His Word. That means when I am sinning, and holding onto those character defects, I am not loving Him.

That's what my parents said during my teen years "If you love me" but it simply was not true.. I did/do love them, but I was never good at the OBEY stuff (just ask my hubby) in fact I rebel (another one of those defects).
I'm just weak in the flesh in certain areas and sometimes just to lazy to do what I KNOW I need to do (sin of omission in my demoniation of origin) and IF I get gut lovel honest, sometimes I do wrong, knowing I'm doing wrong just (like the speeding thing) and the real character defect is just wanting to do what "I want to" regardless.

I am praying like David for a "new heart" and willingness, in spite of the fact that I don't really "want" it-yet. Others prayers welcome.