Step 4

[justanobserver]

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

this is for discussion for those who are working out this Step.

 

[justanobserver]

I been dealing with this Step for a while now. I truly believe that being honest with others is a very important thing to do in one's sobriety. BUT I think first off, one must be completely honest with him/herself,

When I do my personal inventory and ponder my life, my shortcomings, my failings, how I live my life, what I conceal in my life, where I am open and not open in my life, I find that as I dig deeper into me, I see things I just dont like.

I am finding unresolved issues from my life that I havent gotten over, things that I drank or used to escape from (or used as the reason at that moment to escape from) and I find that I decieve myself as to "its not all that bad" or "its not the problem".

Hence I think for me, the biggest thing I have to work on is being honest with myself. That there are things in me that I just dont want to admit to myself or acknowledge that it exists.

I see the term "fearless" used in this step and I know now why: it is scary to dig and see whats at the bottom. makes you want to stop digging and let it go. But that would be the biggest mistake. The problems in my life with me will never be resolved by turning a blind eye.

There are still "doors" to the rooms in my heart/soul/mind that I havent or wont open or avoid to look into to get rid of what is bad for me or detract from my sobreity.

any one else going thru this?

 

[LoG]

Willing to go to any lengths.
I see the fourth Step as the equivalent to the scriptures call to repentance. By writing this down on paper I started to see the nature of the person I had become and the character defects that were contributing to my powerlessness over alcohol and drugs. The resentments I had towards people, places and things kept my mind in a constant state of turmoil which only mood altering substances were able to relieve.
My inability to forgive led to my isolating more and more until I was practically a recluse. Through the AA big book however, I came to realize that selfishness and self-centeredness was at the root of my problems. I looked for how others could make me happy in some way, shape or form and when they failed to do so I would resent them forever and not be willing to look at the part I had played in the affair. I was unwilling to take responsibility for my own negative behaviours and would only focus on what others had done to wrong me. In my own mind I had become a victim of circumstance and would revel in my pool of self-pity.

By doing a fourth Step according to the pattern laid out in the Big Book, I started to see how many of my resentments were caused by me wanting more then what others were willing to give or were as a fear of losing what I already had. Pride and ego were my downfall for the mental and emotional turmoil I suffered from. I lost a lot of resentments and fears simply by setting these things on paper and seeing in black and white the unrealistic expectations I had of life.

Today I see this Step as the beginning of hope for a new way of life by changing my perspective. The emotional turmoil I sometimes experience is almost always because I want or am afraid of losing something. It may be:

Self-Esteem- How I view my self
Pride- How I think others view me
Pocketbook- Desire for money, property, possessions, etc
Personal Relations- My relationships with people
Ambition- My goals, plans and desires for the future
Emotional Security- My sense of pesonal well-being
Sex Relations- Basic drive for sexual intimacy

When any of these basic insticts were affected negatively, I would have a tendency to fret about it for years, replaying the event over and over again in my head and refeeling the negative emotions associated with the event(s). I could very quickly take a good day and turn it into a bad one by replaying some event from a while back in my head. I had a large stockpile of these events to keep me occupied for quite some time. The problem was that I didn't have the ability to turn my "resentment machine" on and off at will. I became a victim of my own negative memories. When my mind would fret about these long enough the only relief I could finally get, was to drink myself into oblivion for the rest of that day.
By doing the fourth Step and admitting to myself the nature of my wrongs I was given the power to shut that machine down. Using the same process I still continue to utilize it for anything new that comes up.

 

[If Not For Grace]

Another world that is often overlooked in this step is MORAL. It is a moral inventory. Getting honest has been likened to peeling an onion, it happens in layers.
(This is one reason we have this step again later as a continuum)

We should also look at our accomplishments as well as our flaws. Do not forget "let it begin with me" when it comes to FORGIVNESS. Treat yourself as you would others in this regard. Amends also sometimes need to be made to oneself--but that is another topic for another thread.

All I'm saying is count what is right, along with what is wrong so that you get a balance.. Balance after-all is the key to successful and content living.

 

[joeblowcanadian]

People have told me that the fourth step is the hardest of all of them

 

[UnitynLove]

Thanks.

 

[justanobserver]

It's taken years but finally I am doing my fourth step. I finally understand the context in which I am supposed to be doing it in. What a revelation! This is a big step for me - very big.

wishing you the best in your sobriety.

 

[Buttermilk]

It's taken years but finally I am doing my fourth step. I finally understand the context in which I am supposed to be doing it in. What a revelation! This is a big step for me - very big.

Good luck with this step

 

[If Not For Grace]

People have told me that the fourth step is the hardest of all of them

I think initially it is perhaps the most painful--MORAL is a keyword for me. Moral Inventory makes me look at my motives as well as other things. But as far as difficult, There is THREE (Turning my Will over-boy that's rough) and SIX.. I have not been "entirely ready" yet and I've been doing this almost 20 years.....But progress not perfection..I've made alot of progress and I endeavor to persevere.

 

[LoG]

This link is for a Fourth Step Inventory Guide that is very successful in the area I attend meetings. Feel free to download it and use it for your own.

4th Step Inventory Guide

To use will require a Office program. If needed a good free one is OpenOffice.