Starting fresh, moving on - how?

[Princess Pea]

It looks as if I am going to be having a date for the first time in almost a year. I could go on and on about all the different emotions this is bringing up, but it comes down to this: How do you trust a new person enough to get close enough to each other to decide whether or not it could work - and guard your heart at the same time? How do you apply the lessons you've learned from previous relationships - without carrying in emotional baggage? There's a piece of wisdom I've always liked - "Love as if you've never been hurt" - but just how does that work? I hope this makes sense - it was starting to turn into a ramble, so I deleted the details and cut to the chase.

 

[Nico]

firstly, take it slowly. there isn't a way for you to know on the first date whether or not the person is one you can trust with your heart and emotions. that takes time. so in respect to that don't have expectations that the 1st date is supposed to be the fortune-teller and reveal that this is your mate for life. have fun with it (can be hard, i know) but don't put too much pressure on it. you're going out to dinner (or whatever) with this guy who you find interesting and just go with it. so, to sum up, take it slowly, don't put pressure on it, don't have expectations that it is to be your future spouse--allow God and time to reveal that to you....

have a good time!

 

[KeilCoppes]

And most importantly, remember that God is 120% of your confidence and comfort. Set yourself a time limit to not start falling in love before. The feelings eventually come and go - concentrate on building a friendship.

(and personal congrats)

 

[Princess Pea]

Thanks - those were exactly the reminders I needed to hear! I think I just got a little ahead of myself and started thinking too far into the future - imagine that. Does everyone do that - or is it more of a female thing - or is it just me? In any case, maybe I'll print out your posts and put them in my purse so I can sneak glances at them as needed.

 

[Fatolia]

Does everyone do that - or is it more of a female thing - or is it just me?

We all do that to some extent, especially if you're a big picture type of person.

The thing about true love is that it forgets wrongs. You don't forget wrongs first, and then love. If true love resides in you, forgiveness and compassion will spring from you, a renewed sense of giving and selflessness will arise. That's the Holy Spirit.

 

[Stanfi]

I think the fear of getting to close to someone and then wishing that you hadn't is very real to anyone who has ever been hurt in a realtionship.

I've been battling with this recently myself. I think it is important to do our best to be guided by the Holy Spirit. If you get that feeling deep down that something isn't right about the other person, then maybe you should avoid putting to much emotional energy into the relationship. I tend to be using the theory, if it is meant to be then it will happen, if not then it won't. Perhaps, as a guy I should be a little more proactive, but I am much happier doing this than beating a dead horse.

 

[JPPT1974]

We all do that to some extent, especially if you're a big picture type of person.

The thing about true love is that it forgets wrongs. You don't forget wrongs first, and then love. If true love resides in you, forgiveness and compassion will spring from you, a renewed sense of giving and selflessness will arise. That's the Holy Spirit.

Love is always kind and sweet as well as gentle.

 

[KeilCoppes]

... I think I just got a little ahead of myself and started thinking too far into the future - imagine that. Does everyone do that - or is it more of a female thing ?

Were that we men were so fortunate! Nope, 'fraid it happens to us as well. Best of wishes.

 

[seangoh]

good responses that i needed to hear too.

 

[Iggster]

I've only realized this recently. But the Lord is my First Love; always. For He is the protector of my heart, my shelter, my comfort...... He is the only one I can give my heart to fully, and never have to worry about it breaking. He has mended the old wounds and cleansed all the bad memories. Any person can enter my life and leave. But His love will always stay true to the form.

Just thought I'd share........

 

[Princess Pea]

Thanks again for the encouragement, words of wisdom, and good wishes! That's what's neat about this forum - there's so much diversity in age, geography, life story, and even doctrine - yet there are these universal experiences and feelings that results in some really good collective wisdom and encouragement. Anyway, I think I just might make it through the event without prematurely sabotaging it!

 

[JPPT1974]

The Lord should always be everybody's first love no matter what occurs as we all need to lean on him.

 

[KeilCoppes]

"Love as if you've never been hurt"

You know, as an afterthought, there's a part of everyone that can never be hurt - that part where God has created us and sustains all of creation. God is always true, always holy, always faithful, always pure... Everything else is dust on top of that, but God's love is always deep, powerful, and flowing where no-one can ever cut it off.

 

[JPPT1974]

We are a part of God's creation as He created our bodies to be his temples and not to abuse them. Let's all remember that!!