Hi, my name is Stephen and I'm new to the site. Honestly, I found it spur of the moment at 2 am because i felt the Spirit compelling me to find a place online to give testimony to my nicotine addiction, to give and recieve support to others who share my Achilles heel. So here goes.
I am a 19 year old Christian. I first began attending church at the age of 3 at the little baptist church on the corner of my street because I liked the snacks they served at VBS. I was the only member of my immediate family to attend church at the time. The church I attended the first 15 years of my spiritual journey was full of loving, caring people who loved God, but the Spirit was dead. I knew all of the bible stories by heart, could quote them to you in a minute, but had never once felt the Spirit and started to rebel from the church as i hit my teenage years. I was saved at the age of 13 while visiting a Spirit filled church I was invited to, but back slid out of temptation, mostly sexual.
At the age of 18, as a senior in high school, I was involved in a very serious relationship with a young woman whom I shall call Ashley (not her real name). I loved this girl with all of my heart, and truly believed that she felt the same way about me. In November of that year, after being sexually active with her for several weeks, she told me she was pregnant. I was... ecstatic. I immediately took my guitar to the nearest pawn shop to buy her an engagement ring. I wanted to start a family. 3 months later I found out that the child was not mine. It was at this point that I dropped out of school and began smoking. Both actions are proof that at that point, Satan owned my whole heart. I was as miserable a man as I have ever been. But God wasn't done yet!
I jumped from job to job over the next 5-6 months, working for peanuts, constantly arguing with my parents (who were saved in 2004, praise God!), and sleeping with girl after girl in an attempt to alleviate the pain, when the whole time I knew EXACTLY who could but refused, in my stubborn pride, to accept it. I had also stopped going to church altogether at this point. The first part of God's great plan for my return to His was arms Melissa. She was beautiful, hilariously funny, and shared many similar struggles. She too was a back-slid Christian who had a nicotine addiction, though we weren't truly struggling with it at that point. We hit it off immediately and began seriously dating. An early conversation topic was church. She was greatly distressed at my outlooks on religion, for while she had back slid, I was almost to the point of forsaking my religion. I no longer believed that the Spirit was on this earth, that there were merely doctrine-based churches that were dry of God, and emotion-filled churches that were dry of any real doctrine. She nearly cried when I told her all this, and made me promise to visit her church, and if I could say the same after one service there, then she'd give up church with me. I readily agreed.
Upon sitting in the tiny, family oriented church that sits in a strip mall, Pavilion International, my breath was taken away. I don't know if any of you have fallen away from the Spirit before, but it's like riding a bike when you come home. Satan cannot stand in a place so full of God's love, and you see clearly again. I immediately re-dedicated my life to Jesus and swore that I was done with anything not of Him. Little did I know how much Satan was packed in that little paper cylinder.
I call smoking a gateway sin, for one simple reason, and this is why I refute those who claim it isn't sin. You don't feel right doing it. Deep down. And you know it. At least, not when you're walking with God. That was 3 months ago, and I have tried to quit numerous times, but ended up dropping in church attendance several times rather than my cigarette intake, because I have never known so strong an addiction, and I cannot bring myself to face a place so full of Christ with something so evil in my heart. However, yesterday, as I was sitting awake at 3 am surfing the web in much the same way, a "whim," much like the one that struck me tonight had me reading devotionals. As I read, I kept finding things that would be so useful in a youth message (Melissa and I assist the youth pastor and his wife when we can make it to wednesday service, and I have never done anything so fulfilling in my life), keep in mind that I had been, "Too busy" to read the bible for the past 3 months. Then, suddenly, the compulsion hit me that I HAD to go to church that night. God had decided my time had come.
We arrived and were greated by our wonderful, God-filled friends, and sat through an amazing service on how to better minister to non believers, which has always been a great fear of mine, as my best friend for several years is a very staunch athiest, the kind who will agree your arguments are valid, yet not change his stance a little. Frustrating, trust me. Anyway, once again the dirt was washed off of my internal mirrior, and that dust looked a lot like cigarette ash. So I have made a stronger conviction than ever before. I have prayed for God to remove the desire, and for His hand to be on me as I resist the temptation. I went out today and bought "The Message" which is the most amazing translation of the Word of God that I have ever read, and have vowed to read a power verse whenever I am tempted to reach for the cigarettes. I am also meeting with our pastor tomorrow evening to reveal my addiction and have him pray with me and annoint me, as well as to request permanent membership in the church. This has been the most trying year of my life, but it has come more than full circle. God has taken my greatest struggle and turned it to my good, and I give him ALL the glory!!! He brought Melissa into my life, (I met her through a mutual Christian friend, you think this was coincidence?
) and we are now engaged to be married in about a year! Through her, he brought an awesome new church family who bring me closer to God and closer to giving up those things that are not of Him!!! For the first time in almost a year, I feel like myself, and I know that that is because I find my true identity in Christ Jesus.
I'm sorry that this post is so long, most of you have probably skipped it and moved on by now! But I feel that God has blessed me with a powerful testimony to use for His glory, and that's just what I'm gonna do! I'd shout it from the roof-tops if I had the lung capacity! Please my brothers and sisters in Christ, pray for me as I begin this long and hard journey, and pray for my fiancee as well, that she too might soon realize the danger and sin in her addiction. And for any fellow God loving smokers struggling with addiction, just remember to put on your full armor of God every day!(Ephesians 6) I'm pretty sure the Helmet of Salvation doesn't have a cigarette hole!
May God bless and keep you all!!!!
-Stephen
I am a 19 year old Christian. I first began attending church at the age of 3 at the little baptist church on the corner of my street because I liked the snacks they served at VBS. I was the only member of my immediate family to attend church at the time. The church I attended the first 15 years of my spiritual journey was full of loving, caring people who loved God, but the Spirit was dead. I knew all of the bible stories by heart, could quote them to you in a minute, but had never once felt the Spirit and started to rebel from the church as i hit my teenage years. I was saved at the age of 13 while visiting a Spirit filled church I was invited to, but back slid out of temptation, mostly sexual.
At the age of 18, as a senior in high school, I was involved in a very serious relationship with a young woman whom I shall call Ashley (not her real name). I loved this girl with all of my heart, and truly believed that she felt the same way about me. In November of that year, after being sexually active with her for several weeks, she told me she was pregnant. I was... ecstatic. I immediately took my guitar to the nearest pawn shop to buy her an engagement ring. I wanted to start a family. 3 months later I found out that the child was not mine. It was at this point that I dropped out of school and began smoking. Both actions are proof that at that point, Satan owned my whole heart. I was as miserable a man as I have ever been. But God wasn't done yet!
I jumped from job to job over the next 5-6 months, working for peanuts, constantly arguing with my parents (who were saved in 2004, praise God!), and sleeping with girl after girl in an attempt to alleviate the pain, when the whole time I knew EXACTLY who could but refused, in my stubborn pride, to accept it. I had also stopped going to church altogether at this point. The first part of God's great plan for my return to His was arms Melissa. She was beautiful, hilariously funny, and shared many similar struggles. She too was a back-slid Christian who had a nicotine addiction, though we weren't truly struggling with it at that point. We hit it off immediately and began seriously dating. An early conversation topic was church. She was greatly distressed at my outlooks on religion, for while she had back slid, I was almost to the point of forsaking my religion. I no longer believed that the Spirit was on this earth, that there were merely doctrine-based churches that were dry of God, and emotion-filled churches that were dry of any real doctrine. She nearly cried when I told her all this, and made me promise to visit her church, and if I could say the same after one service there, then she'd give up church with me. I readily agreed.
Upon sitting in the tiny, family oriented church that sits in a strip mall, Pavilion International, my breath was taken away. I don't know if any of you have fallen away from the Spirit before, but it's like riding a bike when you come home. Satan cannot stand in a place so full of God's love, and you see clearly again. I immediately re-dedicated my life to Jesus and swore that I was done with anything not of Him. Little did I know how much Satan was packed in that little paper cylinder.
I call smoking a gateway sin, for one simple reason, and this is why I refute those who claim it isn't sin. You don't feel right doing it. Deep down. And you know it. At least, not when you're walking with God. That was 3 months ago, and I have tried to quit numerous times, but ended up dropping in church attendance several times rather than my cigarette intake, because I have never known so strong an addiction, and I cannot bring myself to face a place so full of Christ with something so evil in my heart. However, yesterday, as I was sitting awake at 3 am surfing the web in much the same way, a "whim," much like the one that struck me tonight had me reading devotionals. As I read, I kept finding things that would be so useful in a youth message (Melissa and I assist the youth pastor and his wife when we can make it to wednesday service, and I have never done anything so fulfilling in my life), keep in mind that I had been, "Too busy" to read the bible for the past 3 months. Then, suddenly, the compulsion hit me that I HAD to go to church that night. God had decided my time had come.
We arrived and were greated by our wonderful, God-filled friends, and sat through an amazing service on how to better minister to non believers, which has always been a great fear of mine, as my best friend for several years is a very staunch athiest, the kind who will agree your arguments are valid, yet not change his stance a little. Frustrating, trust me. Anyway, once again the dirt was washed off of my internal mirrior, and that dust looked a lot like cigarette ash. So I have made a stronger conviction than ever before. I have prayed for God to remove the desire, and for His hand to be on me as I resist the temptation. I went out today and bought "The Message" which is the most amazing translation of the Word of God that I have ever read, and have vowed to read a power verse whenever I am tempted to reach for the cigarettes. I am also meeting with our pastor tomorrow evening to reveal my addiction and have him pray with me and annoint me, as well as to request permanent membership in the church. This has been the most trying year of my life, but it has come more than full circle. God has taken my greatest struggle and turned it to my good, and I give him ALL the glory!!! He brought Melissa into my life, (I met her through a mutual Christian friend, you think this was coincidence?
) and we are now engaged to be married in about a year! Through her, he brought an awesome new church family who bring me closer to God and closer to giving up those things that are not of Him!!! For the first time in almost a year, I feel like myself, and I know that that is because I find my true identity in Christ Jesus.I'm sorry that this post is so long, most of you have probably skipped it and moved on by now! But I feel that God has blessed me with a powerful testimony to use for His glory, and that's just what I'm gonna do! I'd shout it from the roof-tops if I had the lung capacity! Please my brothers and sisters in Christ, pray for me as I begin this long and hard journey, and pray for my fiancee as well, that she too might soon realize the danger and sin in her addiction. And for any fellow God loving smokers struggling with addiction, just remember to put on your full armor of God every day!(Ephesians 6) I'm pretty sure the Helmet of Salvation doesn't have a cigarette hole!
May God bless and keep you all!!!!
-Stephen
