Spanking

Meshavrischika · Mar 14, 2008

I believe there ARE times and places for spanking. I do not believe it is mandatory at all. I was just wondering the views on the ethics and morality of spanking from a different point of view.

quatona · Mar 14, 2008

In my conviction spanking is never a good idea.

(Don´t get me wrong: I can feel for every parent who is losing it at a certain point.)

stan1980 · Mar 14, 2008

ElsanRandiMom said:
I believe there ARE times and places for spanking. I do not believe it is mandatory at all. I was just wondering the views on the ethics and morality of spanking from a different point of view.

Some people quite enjoy it

Meshavrischika · Mar 14, 2008

quatona said:
In my conviction spanking is never a good idea.

(Don´t get me wrong: I can feel for every parent who is losing it at a certain point.)

but you're not supposed to do it in a "losing it" moment. (this is one of the cases in which I think it's not appropriate at all)

Meshavrischika · Mar 14, 2008

stan1980 said:
Some people quite enjoy it

hehehe

you're a sicko

funny though

quatona · Mar 14, 2008

ElsanRandiMom said:
but you're not supposed to do it in a "losing it" moment. (this is one of the cases in which I think it's not appropriate at all)

I fail to see how I am supposed to do it at all.
I disapprove of it altogether.
I can feel for parents who lose it (because that´s just what happens). I merely mentioned it because criticism of spanking often comes across as lack of understanding of the difficulties parents are facing and as judgement of something that happens without forethought.
Premeditated, cold blooded spanking, however, is not acceptable as a means of education, in my conviction.

Meshavrischika · Mar 14, 2008

quatona said:
I fail to see how I am supposed to do it at all.
I disapprove of it altogether.
I can feel for parents who lose it (because that´s just what happens). I merely mentioned it because criticism of spanking often comes across as lack of understanding of the difficulties parents are facing and as judgement of something that happens without forethought.
Premeditated, cold blooded spanking, however, is not acceptable as a means of education, in my conviction.

why so?

quatona · Mar 14, 2008

In my experience the reasons for disagreement in this question are founded in different ideas as to what the goals and purposes of raising children are.

Meshavrischika · Mar 14, 2008

quatona said:
In my experience the reasons for disagreement in this question are founded in different ideas as to what the goals and purposes of raising children are.

vague... but okay. thanks for sharing.

quatona · Mar 14, 2008

ElsanRandiMom said:
why so?

It´s counterproductive to what I would like children to learn.
Knowing that - in the upbringing of children even more than anyways - action speaks louder than words, and trying to avoid to communicate anything that might give them the idea that physical power is an acceptable argument, I wouldn´t know how to reconcile spanking them with these convictions.
In general, I think it is desirable to reduce those means of raising children that come down to conditioning them to a minimum.

Meshavrischika · Mar 14, 2008

I more relate it to a Pavlov's theory type thing (though this applies to many forms of discipline besides spanking, which is why I don't find it essential)

stan1980 · Mar 14, 2008

My mum and dad used to hit me. I would say it didn't do me any damage but i'm not sure if that is true, as i was never shy of getting involved in a fight if someone decided to pick on me. I would say it certainly toughens you up, but whether that is a good thing is debatable. I think spanking your children only shows your children that violence is the answer. Reasoning would be better.

keith99 · Mar 14, 2008

ElsanRandiMom said:
but you're not supposed to do it in a "losing it" moment. (this is one of the cases in which I think it's not appropriate at all)

Agree 100%. In fact that relates to my first test of appropriate discipline. If yuo could ask a child why they were punished whoud they say 'Because I did something wrong' or 'because I made daddy (or mommy) mad'. If the answer is the second the parent blew it.

On htis I march to my own drummer and seem to have few who think like I do. (Tempted to say that this is because few actually bother to think).

The idea of inflicting enough pain to 'force' change appauls me. And scares me, my pain tolerance is way to high. Pick someone like me and it is a dangerous route.

So my version of spanking is enough pain to notice, enough to get attention and really not much beyond that. One of the few things the psycologists do agree on is that is consequences follow immediatly learning/training works far beter.

So my view is a figurative slap on the wrist. Hard enough to sting, to get ow that hurts, I don't like it, but rarely if ever much beyond that. (Though there is something to be said for the rolled up newspaper idea, something loug that in fact sounds much worse than it is).

My second deviation follows from the first. Spanking is most appropriate for very young children. Ones who it is not always possible to explain thing to.

I do not think one size fits all.

With any punishment I think it is important that when it is over it is over and at that point the loving parent needs to come out. If the child is well aware, not just intelectually but also emotionally, that the parent who sometimes punishes him loves him it minimizes the damage done by any imperfections in how the parent handles things. If this is lacking it magnifies the damage done by those same errors.

Meshavrischika · Mar 14, 2008

Personally I think James Dobson has it right:
Spanking. Spanking typically works best with ages 2 to 6. It should be used only for specific, purposeful misbehavior and should never be done in anger. As with other techniques, spanking should be used as one of many discipline tools.

quatona · Mar 14, 2008

ElsanRandiMom said:
why so?

ElsanRandiMom said:
Personally I think James Dobson has it right:
Spanking. Spanking typically works best with ages 2 to 6. It should be used only for specific, purposeful misbehavior and should never be done in anger. As with other techniques, spanking should be used as one of many discipline tools.

Revisiting what I have said earlier - and in a bit a vague manner, as you observed - I would like to see "works best" explained. "Works best" in regards to what goals?

FaithLikeARock · Mar 14, 2008

I don't believe hitting your child ever works. Children are impressionable at that young age and it could give them the idea that if someone does something "wrong" (in their eyes) it's okay to hit them. And for some parents it becomes a resort. I was spanked but once 9 rolled around my parents didn't stop that, they just started with the hand across the face. Can I say that attributes to some of my violent behavior (believe it or not, I can be a bit violent sometimes)? Possibly.

Caitlin.ann · Mar 14, 2008

I don't like the idea of spanking. In my experience and my fiance's experience as kids, grounding and taking away things works much better.

keith99 · Mar 14, 2008

FaithLikeARock said:
I don't believe hitting your child ever works. Children are impressionable at that young age and it could give them the idea that if someone does something "wrong" (in their eyes) it's okay to hit them. And for some parents it becomes a resort. I was spanked but once 9 rolled around my parents didn't stop that, they just started with the hand across the face. Can I say that attributes to some of my violent behavior (believe it or not, I can be a bit violent sometimes)? Possibly.

I think it unfair to group in how it seems you were treated with reasonable spanking. It is almost like equating 'time outs' with locking a kid in the basement for hours.

BTW In your case I'd say it is wise to avoid spanking. As a child you had it modeled in all the wrong ways it seems and people tend to drift into the models they experienced.

Meshavrischika · Mar 14, 2008

quatona said:
Revisiting what I have said earlier - and in a bit a vague manner, as you observed - I would like to see "works best" explained. "Works best" in regards to what goals?

you'd have to read Dare to Discipline. The ideas are fairly lengthy and that's just a small overview of the idea (very small).

honestly, I'd post it but I hate eon long posts and no one really is interested in reading a 25 paragraph summary anyway, but is interested in either posting their beliefs or supporting them.

Athene · Mar 14, 2008

If you think about it, smacking encourages exactly the opposite feelings you want when you discipline, it makes the child afraid, angry, resentful, vengeful, whereas the response you want is remorse that they've done something wrong and a desire to improve.
From my own experiences of parenting I have found that clear boundaries and immediate discipline through time-outs, stern words and confiscating favourite toys have proven more effective then spanking.

I used to spank incidentally, and a while ago I made the choice not too and I can't say the behaviour of my children has gone of the rails since I made that choice.

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Spanking

for Thy greater honor and glory

"God"? What do you mean??

Veteran

for Thy greater honor and glory

for Thy greater honor and glory

"God"? What do you mean??

for Thy greater honor and glory

"God"? What do you mean??

for Thy greater honor and glory

"God"? What do you mean??

for Thy greater honor and glory

Veteran

sola dosis facit venenum

for Thy greater honor and glory

"God"? What do you mean??

Let the human mind loose.

Well-Known Member

sola dosis facit venenum

for Thy greater honor and glory

Grammatically incorrect

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