Soulmates

[flicka]

The idea of a soulmate, or the one person god has made for you, comes up from time to time. It was being discussed in a thread that was closed a couple nights ago and someone said that this particular belief was a contributing factor to today's high rate of divorce among Christians. I'm curious how many people (Christians and all others) believe in the idea of a soulmate or if this is just a romanticized vision of love by the young. Also, do you think that it does contribute to divorce in any way?

 

[seebs]

I think it contributes very much to divorce; people have the idea that marriage will be easy and pleasant when they find "the right person". Soul mates are made, not found. You make them yourself, by sticking together through whatever happens.

 

[Philosoft]

I think certain types of people are more or less compatible with each other, but the idea that there exists a unique counterpart that is maximally compatible with each person strains any notion of credibility beyond reason - the logistics that must go into populating the world and ensuring each pair the occasion to meet are simply mind-boggling. According to this atheist, anyway.

 

[seebs]

I think certain types of people are more or less compatible with each other, but the idea that there exists a unique counterpart that is maximally compatible with each person strains any notion of credibility beyond reason - the logistics that must go into populating the world and ensuring each pair the occasion to meet are simply mind-boggling. According to this atheist, anyway.

My objection is more pragmatic: If there were, you'd think more people would meet them.

 

[flicka]

So where does the idea come from...from a Christian standpoint? I know it's not biblical so is it being taught as truth in church youth groups or is it just another tool to help keep teens from engaging in anything sexual premarriage? I spent my teen years in Baptist school and I'd never heard anything like this until my own kids started going to church.

 

[Philosoft]

My objection is more pragmatic: If there were, you'd think more people would meet them.

Heh. I've actually thought of an apologetic for that one. I figure if both a benevolent God and soulmates exist, God has already plotted the logistics so that each soulmate pair will meet at some point. The human-centric part is whether or not they come to realize they're soulmates.

 

[nadroj1985]

I don't know if this has anything to do with the seemingly widespread acceptance of the idea of soulmates, but Plato addressed this in The Symposium.

A quote from my introductory philosophy textbook:

"Asked to tell his fellow dinner guests about the nature and origins of love, the playwright Aristophanes invents a wonderful fable, in which we were all long ago 'double creatures,' with two heads, four arms, four legs, and enormous intelligence and arrogance (or what the Greeks called hubris). To teach humans a lesson, Zeus, the king of the gods, struck the creatures down and cleft them in two- 'like an apple,' Aristophanes says- so that each resulting half-person now had to walk around the world, looking for his or her 'other half.'"

.......and a quote from The Symposium itself:

"And so, when a person meets the half that is his very own,........then something wonderful happens: the two are struck from their senses by love, by a sense of belonging to one another, and by desire, and they don't want to be separated from one another, not even for a moment."

 

[Lifesaver]

I don't believe in soulmates per se (that each of us has someone that completes them in such a special way that they'll love each other forever). I believe that love until death does them part is possible (it should be the goal of every romantic relationship), but it is not down to only one person, and it is not necessarily reciprocal, as the belief in soulmates suggests (this is hardest part!).

I don't think this view of love, as something that lasts forever, helps divorce at all. It is the view that any relationship problem means incompatibility, or that love life should be a bed of roses 100% of the time, and, most of all, that we shouldn't try to better ourselves to please our loved ones, but that they should just accept us as "we are".

 

[seebs]

I don't believe in soulmates per se (that each of us has someone that completes them in such a special way that they'll love each other forever). I believe that love until death does them part is possible (it should be the goal of every romantic relationship), but it is not down to only one person, and it is not necessarily reciprocal, as the belief in soulmates suggests (this is hardest part!).

Someone I thought was otherwise mostly a kook used to say "Love is not an emotion; love is a decision." He was right about that.

Some days, I don't really like my wife very much. Some days, I don't like the idea of being with her. I stay anyway... And it turns out that, a year later, I'm deleriously happy, and cannot imagine what it would be like to be separated from her.

I don't think this view of love, as something that lasts forever, helps divorce at all. It is the view that any relationship problem means incompatibility, or that love life should be a bed of roses 100% of the time, and, most of all, that we shouldn't try to better ourselves to please our loved ones, but that they should just accept us as "we are".

EXACTLY! The idea that the "real" soulmate would cure these problems creates divorce and infidelity. The idea of "incompatibility" strikes me as a questionable one; yes, there are people I'm incompatible with. I never wanted to date them in the first place.

 

[Lifesaver]

Yes, I'm not saying incompatibility doesn't exist. As unexperienced as I am, I can already say there are a lot of people I would be incompatible with.
The problem is that some people think anything short of complete agreement in everything is incompatible; and they seem to realize the disagreements exist only after the papers have been signed.

 

[flicka]

Someone I thought was otherwise mostly a kook used to say "Love is not an emotion; love is a decision." He was right about that..

I think it's a little of both. Ideally the 'emotion' part is what draws two people together, the 'decision' part is what you do when you take your wedding vows. It's important for people to know that the 'emotional' part can come and go but the 'decision' is what you should base your marriage on.

 

[rainbowprism]

I don't know if this has anything to do with the seemingly widespread acceptance of the idea of soulmates, but Plato addressed this in The Symposium.

A quote from my introductory philosophy textbook:

"Asked to tell his fellow dinner guests about the nature and origins of love, the playwright Aristophanes invents a wonderful fable, in which we were all long ago 'double creatures,' with two heads, four arms, four legs, and enormous intelligence and arrogance (or what the Greeks called hubris). To teach humans a lesson, Zeus, the king of the gods, struck the creatures down and cleft them in two- 'like an apple,' Aristophanes says- so that each resulting half-person now had to walk around the world, looking for his or her 'other half.'"

.......and a quote from The Symposium itself:

"And so, when a person meets the half that is his very own,........then something wonderful happens: the two are struck from their senses by love, by a sense of belonging to one another, and by desire, and they don't want to be separated from one another, not even for a moment."

I think you hit the nail on the head. I believe this is the root of the where the idea of 'soulmates' come from. Do I believe that God can prepare your heart and anothers so that when you met you can make a connection? Yes. I think it isn't nessacarily a one shot deal--there is still free will and the choice of responding to this other person is ultimatley up to you.

 

[Emmy]

I wondered about the exact meaning of soulmate




What exactly is a soulmate?If I can guess,I would say two souls of the same human material.In the Old Testament God told us to find a partner with the same religious beliefs;God knows how very important that is.To keep the same Commandments,many would say how unimportant that is,if you truly loved each other.If we humans could order our feelings,this would be of benefit.Jesus knew how hard it is,that why He left us with those commandments:"Love God with all your beings,without God`s blessings,nothings endures for ever,Love each other as you love yourselves,forgive each other as you would want to be forgiven,care for each other as you would want to be cared for.If we follow the Lord`s guidance,we become soulmates.I am mature in years now,but if I had another chance,would I remember the Lord`s words?I sincerly don`t know,but for young people,it is not too late;if you really and truly want a soulmate.Sincerely Emmy,a sister in Christ.

 

[BarbB]

So where does the idea come from...from a Christian standpoint? I know it's not biblical so is it being taught as truth in church youth groups or is it just another tool to help keep teens from engaging in anything sexual premarriage? I spent my teen years in Baptist school and I'd never heard anything like this until my own kids started going to church.

From a Christian standpoint? Mostly from romance novels, just like from a non-Christian standpoint! I have no idea really. I married at 26 to a nice man who was a perfectly good husband, but left after 7 years (not a Christian yet )

I believe that God dropped my soulmate into my lap; I grabbed him and married him and he died! But God was using my great love for him to soften my very hard heart so to regenerate it! And I thank him every day that he did so!

 

[Joe Atheist]

...I'm curious how many people (Christians and all others) believe in the idea of a soulmate or if this is just a romanticized vision of love by the young. Also, do you think that it does contribute to divorce in any way?

"romanticized version of love" for sure, but not necessarily only for "the young".

It may contribute to divorce in so much as it makes people aware of the opportunity cost associated with staying with the one they are with. ("there may be someone else out there, my soulmate, who I would be much happier with")

 

[seebs]

It may contribute to divorce in so much as it makes people aware of the opportunity cost associated with staying with the one they are with. ("there may be someone else out there, my soulmate, who I would be much happier with")

Perhaps more importantly, it gives a sense of opportunity cost which is almost always false, implying that one could be deleriously happy with little effort with "The One". Very dangerous.

In practice, there might be people I would be happier with had I spent the last decade with them, but there's no real chance for anyone else to catch up with my wife now; she's got ten years on 'em.

 

[Polycarp1]

I think certain types of people are more or less compatible with each other, but the idea that there exists a unique counterpart that is maximally compatible with each person strains any notion of credibility beyond reason - the logistics that must go into populating the world and ensuring each pair the occasion to meet are simply mind-boggling. According to this atheist, anyway.

Reasonable statement. However,

[bible]Mark 10:27[/bible]

 

[transientlife]

The idea of a soulmate, or the one person god has made for you, comes up from time to time. It was being discussed in a thread that was closed a couple nights ago and someone said that this particular belief was a contributing factor to today's high rate of divorce among Christians. I'm curious how many people (Christians and all others) believe in the idea of a soulmate or if this is just a romanticized vision of love by the young. Also, do you think that it does contribute to divorce in any way?

I think the idea of a soulmate is an overromanticized mostly-if-not-totally- false (never say never, right?) notion perpetuated a lot by Hollywood celluloid. I don't know how much it actually contributes to divorces itself, but I'm sure when the bubble bursts, divorce is at least thought of, or a good, panicky "WHAT DID I DO?!?!"
I do not believe in one soul mate, I think there are many compatible people out there...and in an essence you MAKE "the one" by dedication, appreciation and honoring that person in a vow you made to yourself, them, and a higher power (in appropriate cases).

 

[flicka]

I think the idea of a soulmate is an overromanticized mostly-if-not-totally- false (never say never, right?) notion perpetuated a lot by Hollywood celluloid. I don't know how much it actually contributes to divorces itself, but I'm sure when the bubble bursts, divorce is at least thought of, or a good, panicky "WHAT DID I DO?!?!"
I do not believe in one soul mate, I think there are many compatible people out there...and in an essence you MAKE "the one" by dedication, appreciation and honoring that person in a vow you made to yourself, them, and a higher power (in appropriate cases).

I agree

 

[Lavis Knight]

Sigh...i wish i could find someone that would love me and i could love them in return, to me that is a soulmate.