Soo frustrated...

I feel like bill o reilly from the Bill O'Reilly flip out remix on youtube. I just punched a hole in my wall... I didn't know I could do that... <staff edit> I'm sick of waiting on God! I want to fly a fighter jet at the speed of light into the sun. This life SUCKS!!! I'm bored <staff edit>!!! I can't keep a hobby or even take one up because I get sooo <staff edit> frustrated. I thought I'd pick up learning my guitar again but after about 5 minutes I just wanted to slam that <staff edit> into the floor (I didn't... I put it away but I wanted to... so I punched the wall instead). Can't I be like the wicked witch of the east please?!? I welcome being struck by a random falling house!!

You know I used to just get really depressed and cry and bunch my pillow or something but any sadness I ever had is always replaced with frustration and anger where I just want to break stuff or kick a door in or go demolition a house with a sledge hammer.

Where is God?! I pray all the time... I've been patient for the last 12 years at least. I know I know read the bible but you can't just sit there and read the bible and stay sane if that's the ONLY thing you have to look forward to. I don't know how monks did it. Seriously... the one purpose I have during the week is go to work. On weekends, I feel like I'm gonna go insane... and I hate my job so knowing I just have to go back to that for another week sucks. I try to discipline myself and read the bible but you can't just live your life reading the bible. Try it... it won't work I don't care what you people say. Stay in a room all day for a week and see if you feel like reading the bible still at the end of that week if that's all you've been doing aside from just sitting there. There now you have some idea how I feel... IT WONT WORK. Jesus is not the only thing you need in this life and my life proves it!!! In the long run, yes I agree cause JEsus is the only sure thing if the whole universe blew up... but as far as living a life on earth... nope!!!! I feel like I'm just waiting to die and that's all life is good for. Like I'm waiting for Christmas to come to get my big present but Christmas is sooooooooooooo far away.

Well I'm feeling better today No no, I did not mean we were created for that. It's just I've had issues in the past and it seems that "You need to turn to God" "Jesus is all you need" "Read your bible"... I guess I was jumping the gun expecting to get those type of replies.

And I guess I didn't really say what was wrong but basically, I do feel confined and trapped a lot of the time and I get antsy and aggravated cause I don't know what to do with myself. It's far to complex for me to really explain everything and I dunno, things will work out I guess. Just I have really felt completely shut in and trapped for the last decade or so and I've only progressed a little bit. I just feel I'm getting old and still in the same situation and if I haven't changed now, I'm not going to... so I was just frustrated with myself. The best way I can explain how I've felt for... ever is being like a little tropical fish in a plastic cup you buy at walmart or something. I mean I just feel like that fish and like I can't get out. But yeah I realize Christianity isn't like that... basically though I feel alone and people always say you'll never be alone cause you always have Jesus etc etc etc. But what I was getting at is you literally can't just live alone with yourself and Jesus be enough. He doesn't talk with you (verbally), he doesn't go places with you, you can't play football with him etc etc etc. Anyway whatever... blah I was just upset.

And thanks broken... I've been praying for you too. I read your story and stuff and I don't know I feel kind of bad and pathetic for complaining about my situation when I couldn't even imagine going through stuff like that... I don't know what I would do. But there you are giving support anyway. God bless...