Something I've been thinking about lately...

[Godislove94]

I'm in my third year of a five year undergrad program and have lived at home/commuted for the entirety of it. I was taught in one of my old churches (one that was destructive to me and hurt me a lot) that debt of any kind was sinful and God would punish me severely for even thinking about taking any out. I have since moved on from that legalistic way of thinking and have had to borrow some for tuition the past two years (and I'm still here).

Lately, I have been thinking that it would be better for me if I moved out of my home and into off-campus housing closer to school. My father is mentally emotionally and physically abusive to me and has been all my life. In addition to the effect it's had on my mental health (I almost attempted suicide last summer) and my school performance, he and I have gotten into a few altercations where he's threatened and even assaulted me, and I know that I'm not safe living at home anymore. I am a working student and was trying to pay for as much of my tuition in cash as I can, but I've decided that next year I'm going to take out as many low interest student loans along with some scholarships that I hope to get to cover the cost of tuition while using my job to cover the cost of rent and groceries. My church is also right next door to my college and they own a handful of row houses that kids in the college aged ministry who go to the university rent rooms in which is fair ($375 a month base plus utilities). Since the houses, church and campus are all in the same area, I could walk to class and only use my car to get back and forth to my job, which will save a ton on gas and repairs. This alone would make room in a budget to put extra money away into an emergency savings that I can hopefully use to pay off student debt in large chunks once I'm done with school.

In doing this I would also be surrounding myself with other Christians who I know will help me get back on track with God and push me to grow in my faith, something I need desperately. I also believe that God would rather I take care of my mental, physical and spiritual health than suffer in a toxic environment for the sake of saving a few dollars. What do you think?

 

[Albion]

It's sensible, but it has some possible pitfalls built into it. Debt, mainly.

If it were me, I think I'd start by sounding out the pastor of the church first. Given that the church is already engaged in helping or dealing with students from your school, that shouldn't seem like something peculiar, no matter which way the conversation goes. He might be of more help than you expect, but if the idea falls through for any reason you won't have caused any ripples at home.

 

[GeorgeJ]

If you can do it, do it....and pray that God will get you through it!

You ain't the first person who's worked their way through college like that, and you won't be the last! God bless!

 

[Winken]

I'm in my third year of a five year undergrad program and have lived at home/commuted for the entirety of it. I was taught in one of my old churches (one that was destructive to me and hurt me a lot) that debt of any kind was sinful and God would punish me severely for even thinking about taking any out. I have since moved on from that legalistic way of thinking and have had to borrow some for tuition the past two years (and I'm still here).

Lately, I have been thinking that it would be better for me if I moved out of my home and into off-campus housing closer to school. My father is mentally emotionally and physically abusive to me and has been all my life. In addition to the effect it's had on my mental health (I almost attempted suicide last summer) and my school performance, he and I have gotten into a few altercations where he's threatened and even assaulted me, and I know that I'm not safe living at home anymore. I am a working student and was trying to pay for as much of my tuition in cash as I can, but I've decided that next year I'm going to take out as many low interest student loans along with some scholarships that I hope to get to cover the cost of tuition while using my job to cover the cost of rent and groceries. My church is also right next door to my college and they own a handful of row houses that kids in the college aged ministry who go to the university rent rooms in which is fair ($375 a month base plus utilities). Since the houses, church and campus are all in the same area, I could walk to class and only use my car to get back and forth to my job, which will save a ton on gas and repairs. This alone would make room in a budget to put extra money away into an emergency savings that I can hopefully use to pay off student debt in large chunks once I'm done with school.

In doing this I would also be surrounding myself with other Christians who I know will help me get back on track with God and push me to grow in my faith, something I need desperately. I also believe that God would rather I take care of my mental, physical and spiritual health than suffer in a toxic environment for the sake of saving a few dollars. What do you think?

You are obviously thinking it through. Spend some time in prayer. Let Him get you "out the door" if that is His will.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

My father is mentally emotionally and physically abusive

time to go.
asap.
worry about the logistics later.
just go.

 

[Pilgrim]

I'm concerned about the nature of the relationship between you and your father in his house. If there is any physical abuse that should be the first priority to sort that out with the proper authorities. You didn't mention if there were others living in the household: other children, younger perhaps, mother, etc. Any sort of abuse needs rectified including, and up to, the removal of the offender.

You didn't mention what you study, nor what is the income potential for the job you expect to get once you graduate. You didn't mention your current income and how far it goes toward meeting your expenses. You didn't mention the level of debt you currently have, nor the level of debt you are considering taking on. Those are all factors in what sort of debt, if any, you should willing to assume. I'm not a fan of student debt, especially if the earning potential might not support the educational costs. That's something you will need to pray about and seek guidance from God Almighty.

I commend you for furthering your education and working to cash-flow some of the costs including living expenses. Since you have two years remaining to finish your degree, you might look at spreading that over a longer time frame so you can work more hours and cash flow your tuition. You might look for a living situation too where you can share rent with more people (students) living in the same household to minimize your monthly expenses.

You've in a delicate situation. I will pray for God to show you a solid pathway, both in how to deal with the domestic issue and how to deal with the continuing costs for living expenses and college costs. God be with this young girl as she sorts through all this issues. In Jesus name. Amen.

 

[Godislove94]

It's sensible, but it has some possible pitfalls built into it. Debt, mainly.

If it were me, I think I'd start by sounding out the pastor of the church first. Given that the church is already engaged in helping or dealing with students from your school, that shouldn't seem like something peculiar, no matter which way the conversation goes. He might be of more help than you expect, but if the idea falls through for any reason you won't have caused any ripples at home.

Thank you. I have sought help for the issues at home in the past, and one of the pastors at my church that I did counseling with when I was suicidal even advised me that getting away from home was probably my best option. I consider my father to be a very dangerous individual and all though he's never gotten in trouble for anything he's done, I can easily see him going so over the edge one day that he hurts one of us very badly or even kills us (he has guns and back in January he forced me to overdose on cold medicine because he got angry that I was up all night coughing). Tuition for my school is also on the cheaper side for a state college and rates are actually going down now that we have a new executive staff, plus my loan payments won't kick in until I'm completely done with school and I plan on going all the way to earning a Doctorate in my field.

 

[Godislove94]

besides

I'm concerned about the nature of the relationship between you and your father in his house. If there is any physical abuse that should be the first priority to sort that out with the proper authorities. You didn't mention if there were others living in the household: other children, younger perhaps, mother, etc. Any sort of abuse needs rectified including, and up to, the removal of the offender.

You didn't mention what you study, nor what is the income potential for the job you expect to get once you graduate. You didn't mention your current income and how far it goes toward meeting your expenses. You didn't mention the level of debt you currently have, nor the level of debt you are considering taking on. Those are all factors in what sort of debt, if any, you should willing to assume. I'm not a fan of student debt, especially if the earning potential might not support the educational costs. That's something you will need to pray about and seek guidance from God Almighty.

I commend you for furthering your education and working to cash-flow some of the costs including living expenses. Since you have two years remaining to finish your degree, you might look at spreading that over a longer time frame so you can work more hours and cash flow your tuition. You might look for a living situation too where you can share rent with more people (students) living in the same household to minimize your monthly expenses.

You've in a delicate situation. I will pray for God to show you a solid pathway, both in how to deal with the domestic issue and how to deal with the continuing costs for living expenses and college costs. God be with this young girl as she sorts through all this issues. In Jesus name. Amen.

Thank you...no one in my house is a Christian and by the time I'm finished with my Bachelor's I'll have been at it for 7 years with no debt for the majority of it, so I don't want to take anymore time than I've already had to take (I was made to leave school by him for two years to work a job in a hospital. I stayed there for two years trying to save up money and stayed there after I went back to school only to fail two classes and get put back another year because working and going to school was too hard to manage). It would end up taking longer and more money to spread it out because I know the situation at home is taking a toll on my mental health and I've had to repeat several courses because of it and the whole "cash only" mentality, which while is well intentioned is also highly, highly legalistic. I did pastoral counseling through the services offered at my church last summer when I was suicidal and the counselor I was seeing even suggested that I get out of my home. My mother, unfortunately, is unwilling to do anything to rectify the situation either because she doesn't want to lose any money out of some account that they have (somehow he would automatically get half of whatever it was should they divorce) and also because we all know that my father is the type of person who would get revenge or even try to kill one of us should this happen. The only other person in the house besides my parents and I is my 18 year old sister who will be graduating high school in June and going off to join the military as soon as she's out. My father additionally forced me to overdose on cold medicine back in January because he was angry that I was up all night coughing and my mom wouldn't even drive me to the ER to get checked out because she didn't want to "rock the boat". I have struggled in my faith since day one of being a Christian because of the tension at home and I am literally in a place where I can't take it anymore....and the whole "cash only" thing caused me to miss God's will for my life two years ago because I was so busy working a job I thought I had to have and pay cash so God wouldn't kill me or punish me that I missed every opportunity that He wanted to give me, something that I am still struggling with to this day....and I did it because other Christians judged me and made me feel condemned and guilty over it.

 

[EdyChristian28]

I personally stop attending college because I didn't want my debts to go too high. Its not a good way to pay for your education, would have continued but I ran into health problems when I was.
Plan on going back soon. I would suggest find one of your talents or services that you can support the college with and they might help you out. Also my suggestion is stay away from your dad. I also had an abusive dad. I realized at my age if it the relationship hasn't changed its not going to. I once saw a older man who his son had gave him a chance because he was homeless and struggling but he was very manipulative and would take advantage of people, very salesman like. I had asked him what his profession was. that's what it was, and later I saw him on the street again, and I knew the reason why he was back on the street was because he was badly influencing his sons children.
Apparently some people deserve to be out on the street. even though he was past 60.

 

[Greg J.]

@Godislove94, I didn't read all the responses, but it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Stop worrying and trust that God will take care of you and you really will be fine. Be sure the focus of your life is Jesus and involve him in all your major decisions (e.g., with prayer and Scripture). The more glued to Jesus you are, the more his loving will will be done in your life. Live with Christian female roommates, though (to save money).

 

[Godislove94]

@Godislove94, I didn't read all the responses, but it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Stop worrying and trust that God will take care of you and you really will be fine. Be sure the focus of your life is Jesus and involve him in all your major decisions (e.g., with prayer and Scripture). The more glued to Jesus you are, the more his loving will will be done in your life. Live with Christian female roommates, though (to save money).

Thank you...I prayed about it this morning and as soon as I took a chance at asking God about this, I had a feeling of peace come over me like a blanket. I know peace doesn't necessarily mean a yes and we shouldn't trust our feelings (I'm still counting on a "no", honestly), but it does make me wonder. In the back of my mind though I'm terrified that if I start to take steps toward this that God is going to sabotage it somehow...

 

[Godislove94]

@Godislove94, I didn't read all the responses, but it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Stop worrying and trust that God will take care of you and you really will be fine. Be sure the focus of your life is Jesus and involve him in all your major decisions (e.g., with prayer and Scripture). The more glued to Jesus you are, the more his loving will will be done in your life. Live with Christian female roommates, though (to save money).

Thank you...I prayed about it this morning and as soon as I took a chance at asking God about this, I had a feeling of peace come over me like a blanket. I know peace doesn't necessarily mean a yes and we shouldn't trust our feelings (I'm still counting on a "no", honestly), but it does make me wonder. In the back of my mind though I'm terrified that if I start to take steps toward this that God is going to sabotage it somehow...

 

[Godislove94]

@Godislove94, I didn't read all the responses, but it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Stop worrying and trust that God will take care of you and you really will be fine. Be sure the focus of your life is Jesus and involve him in all your major decisions (e.g., with prayer and Scripture). The more glued to Jesus you are, the more his loving will will be done in your life. Live with Christian female roommates, though (to save money).

Thank you...I prayed about it this morning and as soon as I took a chance at asking God about this, I had a feeling of peace come over me like a blanket. I know peace doesn't necessarily mean a yes and we shouldn't trust our feelings (I'm still counting on a "no", honestly), but it does make me wonder. In the back of my mind though I'm terrified that if I start to take steps toward this that God is going to sabotage it somehow...

 

[Godislove94]

Sorry, didn't meant to post multiple replies...my computer was being slow and glitched.

 

[Greg J.]

It's this web site that is having problems, not your computer.

... In the back of my mind though I'm terrified that if I start to take steps toward this that God is going to sabotage it somehow...

Being terrified God might sabotage your efforts is a problem. God loves you and is determined to help you. Satan wants you to be afraid of God sabotaging, but it is Satan and sin that does that. You need to trust that God will help you no matter what happens. That's faith in the Truth as already revealed in Scripture.

For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” (Luke 11:10-13, 1984 NIV)

 

[Godislove94]

It's this web site that is having problems, not your computer.

Being terrified God might sabotage your efforts is a problem. God loves you and is determined to help you. Satan wants you to be afraid of God sabotaging, but it is Satan and sin that does that. You need to trust that God will help you no matter what happens. That's faith in the Truth as already revealed in Scripture.

For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” (Luke 11:10-13, 1984 NIV)

This is a huge struggle for me and has been for the entirety of my life as a Christian. I did make progress in moving past it two years ago after getting baptized, but then had some other things happen to me that undermined all of it before I really had a chance to grow into a new way of thinking. It's a long story so I won't elaborate on here, but it was...kind of traumatizing actually and like I said in an above reply to a comment, almost two years after the fact I'm still not in a good place over it.

 

[Paidiske]

I must admit, my knee-jerk reaction is also to say, Go, get out of there. You might also like to have a talk to a social worker, who might be aware of additional options or supports in your area that you could access.

 

[Paidiske]

I must admit, my knee-jerk reaction is also to say, Go, get out of there. You might also like to have a talk to a social worker, who might be aware of additional options or supports in your area that you could access.

 

[GandalfTheWise]

Debt is not a sin; it's just something that is best avoided if possible. The key principle is avoiding bondage as much as possible.

It sounds like you are carrying a lot of baggage that others have piled onto you. If you don't already, it would be good if you had a good support group of Christian friends. Many universities have healthy Christian communities that might be a good source of support. There are times it necessary for one's well-being to get out of a bad situation.

I must say, I note your clarity of expression, thinking, and use of the English language in your posts. I obviously don't know you, but your writing suggests to me that you have a lot of potential for being able to accomplish things in whatever direction you might go.

 

[Godislove94]

Debt is not a sin; it's just something that is best avoided if possible. The key principle is avoiding bondage as much as possible.

It sounds like you are carrying a lot of baggage that others have piled onto you. If you don't already, it would be good if you had a good support group of Christian friends. Many universities have healthy Christian communities that might be a good source of support. There are times it necessary for one's well-being to get out of a bad situation.

I must say, I note your clarity of expression, thinking, and use of the English language in your posts. I obviously don't know you, but your writing suggests to me that you have a lot of potential for being able to accomplish things in whatever direction you might go.

Thank you. Fortunately, I am involved with a very healthy Christian community through my church's College Aged Ministry and the church I am a member of now was instrumental in healing from the spiritual abuse I came out of two years ago when I joined them. I, unfortunately, have not been as involved as I should have because like you suggested, I am someone who does carry around a lot of baggage. I also have a difficult time letting things go, which is a struggle that got me into trouble not too long after I got out of the abusive church and has kind of...messed my whole life up. God and I are honestly on the rocks and have been even after what happened on my baptism day and right now I don't know where I stand with Him even though I know I'm a saved Believer (I've posted on this several times but can't find them). And thank you about the writing...many people have said the same thing over the years and I'm very blessed and honored to have such a gift.

 

[GandalfTheWise]

Hang in there. Sometimes it can feel like two steps forward and one step backward; but it is still progress. About 20 years ago, I got a job that I could walk to. At this point, I've probably walked about 4000 miles to and from work. Steady daily progress adds up over time though it may not seem like much at the time. I've been a believer for about 40 years now. Sometimes the hardest wounds to deal with are those inflicted by other believers. I got caught in a nasty church split a long time ago that really left some emotional marks on me. It took years before my memories of it were primarily sadness over loss of potential rather than pain or hurt. At this point in my life, I look back at it and realize I picked up a lot of experience that has helped me in many other situations. I'd rather that it had not happened but in the long run what I gained has been much more valuable than what I lost at the time.

At some point, what has happened to you can become a source of experience and wisdom to help other people. I'm not sure what else to offer that may be of help except maybe this. We are all unique individuals that have a unique relationship with God. God made us each to be something special to reflect His glory to the world in a way no one else can. The world and the enemy do all they can to hinder that. Sometimes the very points that are meant to be our strengths and uniqueness become the very thing that is most strongly attacked to the point where we shy away from it. I deeply believe that you (and everyone for that matter) have a unique God-given heart that will reflect His glory in a way no one else can. I believe that is much of how He direct our lives; to become the work of art that He is creating over the course of our lives. As we each learn to walk in that uniqueness, we become more of the person we were meant to be, and our relationship with God becomes what He intended it to be. For me, one of the most comforting things in my life right now is spending about 2 hours a day reading the Bible in Greek and Spanish. This would be a draining burden for most people if "required" to do it. At this point in my life for me, it's liberating. I'm sure that there is some unique way you can walk with God that feels natural and results in growth, strength, encouragement, and freedom.