Some advice about an engagement please?

[crossIinthedistance]

Hello all,

Hoping for some advice. My Fiancee and I are having a difficulty. Well basically I have a disability, which is not visible which makes it difficult getting a job at times but there is no chance of any financial difficulty though, well of course no one can ever promise that but I can offer as good as anyone financial stability.

She said she is worried afraid she might one day find myself in a position where she could not respect me the way she should as a wife and she said she doesn't mean being disrespectful, not at all, but not being happy with who I am.

Also that she said she is worried she might not have the right attitude towards me in the marriage.

She said she wants to look deep into myself with help from the Lord to realize if she is strong enough to leave everything I have behind and be with a man who she knows has limitations in his ability to work or find a job, I need to know beforehand how I would feel about this.

Even though I am financially secure and can provide an income even though yes its maybe harder then others to find a job in the future if I ever don't have an income but I would do something and she wouldn't have to worry about that.

We are both Born again Christians.

Anyone offer any advice please?

 

[Hetta]

If she has doubts, then it's better that she air them and you both decide whether to continue your relationship before marriage than after. Is the job you have a 'career', where you can be fairly sure you will continue to be employed? Are you able to reassure her on that?

I must say that mutual respect is a requirement for marriage. If she doubts that she can respect you, or that she will be a good wife, then those doubts should be taken seriously.

Have you been to pre-marital or couples counseling? I would suggest that you do this.

 

[Inkachu]

I would never even think about marrying someone with such serious doubts about the relationship. Do not get married until this can be resolved. If you haven't been to premarital counseling, now's the time.

 

[Luther073082]

I'd seriously consider breaking this off. She seems to be tying up your value as a person and as a husband with your ability to work.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

I agree with what others have said. I am in your situation of being not visibly disabled and I cannot work. You both have to decide if it will work out now. When I was dating for years I made it clear up front I was disabled and if people weren't sure about how they feel about that, they were free to contact me so we could talk. BUt if they still felt uncomfortable then they should not try to date me.

I truly feel though its harder to find a woman who can finally accept it. When I first started getting into serious relationships I was scared because I seen the divorce ratio of those who became ill while married and how their spouse left them because it was to much. And it didn't help that after about 14 years of trying to date online (Well and off), I had thousands upon thousands of rejections. But God put my wife in my life. At first she was scared of how to help me and stuff like that. But over time I talked to her and she felt better. Now shes not scared. Granted to my christian life was...less then good at the time. So it may be also why I couldn't find anyone.

She needs to accept you or not make it about job status, money...etc. Love is love and looks past that. If thats all that matters to someone then they have failed to understand what marriage is about. Although I do know women often feel safer knowing their future is secure. My wife doesn't worry about it though, she knows our future is in Gods hands and if we live poor, then we are poor. She trusts (well me to) that He will provide.