Sociopathic Co-worker

[GodsChild77]

I work with a sociopathic woman and the only way I figured that out is because when she arrived and began messing with me, I didn't understand what was going on and began to think I might be losing my mind (I never was though, it was only her intention that I would come to believe that)... therefore I went on a LONG journey of researching this woman's behavior and what it meant. The conclusion I've come to, with the research done and studying of her behavioral patterns, is that she is a sociopath. Of all the personality disorders (she most definitely has a personality disorder) sociopathy most closely matches her mode of operation.

First of all, let me say that I was invited into a different department at my place of business to work as the CFO's assistant. I accepted the position, but in my first 5 months of learning and growing into the position, the CFO's old assistant, who had worked here 2 assistants before me, came back and apparently wanted her position back. She gaslighted me relentlessly in a number of ways to throw me off of my "game" and in an attempt to make me look too incompetent and/or crazy to do my job sufficiently. She started out there in the other position that was open, but I was eventually booted out of my position and we switched places. Then the CFO expected us to 'train' each other on our positions... show each other what we did.

I've looked back, and slowly but surely as I've come to realize what was going on that I was not prepared for or suspecting of when it first hit me- it blindsided me... came out of no where! I was just going about my business, getting my new duties down... and BAM! I'm understanding what I've truly been dealing with and have begun to see how she was trying to manipulate and ruin me and essentially break me down to nothing, but I'm still most stumped on one particular, very simple, action that she used repeatedly towards me... this is where it all started and just built from here. She tried many other more bizarre methods/tactics after this but started with this one:

While switching jobs and letting each other know our "new" duties... she rotated between 2 different extremes: She would ask me how to do REALLY REALLY easy things, that she (having about 15 years more experience should definitely know already if I would) and then rotate to the other extreme of telling me how to do really easy things that I already knew how to do and didn't ask for or want help on. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Very very strange...

Please give me your take on exactly what she was attempting to accomplish through this repetitive task or what may have been going on with that... it was just so bizarre to me and such a foreign method of operation to me since it's so illogical. Maybe the answer is very simple, but I'm still coming up out of what was done to me... and as the saying goes... I couldn't see the forest for the trees, was too close to what was happening to me and am still coming up out of it!!

Thanks and your prayers in my continued recovery would be much appreciated... it's a miracle that I'm okay... I've spent so much time in the Word and on my knees... when I could actually focus enough to do so...

 

[joey_downunder]

You might be interested in this secular website and read the links. The Psychopath: The Mask of Sanity

This website blew me away and made me realise my ex genuinely had been sending me crazy. The mind games.... it sounds like she was doing the same.

 

[GodsChild77]

You might be interested in this secular website and read the links.

This website blew me away and made me realise my ex genuinely had been sending me crazy. The mind games.... it sounds like she was doing the same.

I know this is WAY overdue... but thanks for the website. I did look at it and it was very interesting. When you come in contact with someone like this it's truly a shock to the system and it's such a dark reality that it's hard for the heart, mind, and soul to accept... it's so foreign to the way most people naturally work and it's hard for our brains to even process something that seems so pointless that is happening to begin with. It's hard to believe people like this exist and kind of sends you to the twilight zone until it finally sinks in what happened and how it all works and that these people do in fact exist. I'm very glad that you made it out of that situation and are okay now as well. God bless you.

 

[PeaceRose]

Oh my! I have just taken a look at the site. Haven't read all of it yet as it is very long. I want to know something though - could a psychopath (sociopath?) cry? Could such a person cry and shake and chatter their teeth all at the same time?

We have a neighbour who has absolutely no conscience whatsoever. We moved into this house two years ago. My husband fell two days prior to the move, and I moved alone, from another town 2 and a half hours drive away. My husband was in hospital. He was brought home very late in the evening on the day of the move. He was very ill, and in a wheelchair. He was totally disabled.

Our new neighbour saw all of this, and did not choose to speak to us for a while. My husband would sit at the front door of our house in his wheelchair, in plaster, just to get some air as he could not get out in his wheelchair. He did start speaking to our neighbour and eventually she did respond, but did not seem too friendly.

Three months after our move, and my husband was able to get out more, and we were in our driveway one day (husband was still on crutches and mostly in a wheelchair and remains so to this day) when our neighbour came running at us, her eyes bulging, crying, chattering her teeth, in a right old state with herself and very wound up, telling us that there had been a boundary dispute on this house before we moved in and it had gone to the High Court. She herself had taken the people whom we bought the house off, to Court. No-one really won as the Judge decided they were both in the wrong.

Well, our neighbour then proceeded to pull at things on our land and say we had to do loads of thing that we very obviously could not do. She was rabid.

We attempted to sort it all out with her, although we had no money or the physical ability to do any of the things she said we should do. We tried to be kind to her, although inside we were hurting and in a bad state.

It was like a constant drip drip drip of water on our heads. She kind of tortured us. She did all sorts of things. She had no conscience at all as to what she was putting us through. My husband was and is sick and disabled and struggles very desperately to live his life. She knows that. But she does not care. She upholds that she is in the right and has the right to torture us because she says we are not complying with the court order that was issued to her previous neighbour.

We have taken it to law and she is just persecuting us. She does everything possible, and now has sent us a series of letters, and in the last one she says she is suing us - taking us to court - for something we have never done.

She is totally merciless. She is always out there, at the front. She lets us know she is there. With other neighbours butter would not melt - she is nicess itself. She sees herself as totally in the right (she is legally not in the right) and she thinks she can do anything at all to punish us. Yet we have done nothing except move into this house.

She has told the most awful lies about my husband to our lawyer (he does not believe her) and has said she will take us to court about the things she is lying about.

Everyone in our road thinks she and her husband are a "lovely couple." She has her grandchildren every day, and they stay overnight many nights. She is often out there with them, or just out there on her own, making her presence felt. She does not speak to us now, but makes us feel uncomfortable.

I do not know whether this woman is either a psychopath or sociopath. Having read about it now, she seems to fit the description, but as she can cry, I am not sure. Would one of these people cry and chatter their teeth and shake all at the same time? The tears seemed to be real, but I don't know.

Would appreciate knowing what some others think on this one.

 

[.Iona.]

There is someone at work who drives me crazy too. One minute she is lovely and supportive, the next (usually when a manager is around) she turns into something horrible and will just tell you what to do - even when you never asked her anything!

She just likes to look good in front of managers, but deep down I think she knows she isn't that good.

That's usually what it is. People often act in that way - in the OP - because they feel insecure and have to try and make a point about who they are and hide their weakness and insecurity from others.

 

[joey_downunder]

Hi PeaceRose, real psychopaths/sociopaths are masters at manipulation and deceit. They can genuinely turn on the tears if they know it will get them what they want. My ex was extremely "good" at that.

 

[joey_downunder]

There is someone at work who drives me crazy too. One minute she is lovely and supportive, the next (usually when a manager is around) she turns into something horrible and will just tell you what to do - even when you never asked her anything!

She just likes to look good in front of managers, but deep down I think she knows she isn't that good.

That's usually what it is. People often act in that way - in the OP - because they feel insecure and have to try and make a point about who they are and hide their weakness and insecurity from others.

It can really be quite difficult to tell the difference between people who manipulate others because of their own personal insecurity and people who are downright nasty as well!

 

[.Iona.]

It can really be quite difficult to tell the difference between people who manipulate others because of their own personal insecurity and people who are downright nasty as well!

It can be, you're right. I guess I often work with these people as patients, so have a different view on it.

 

[joey_downunder]

Are you a health professional then Rasa? When I was a aged care registered nurse I looked after residents with severe dementia.

 

[.Iona.]

Yeah, I work in mental health. You get to meet a lot of people with a wide range of problems.

The mad or bad argument is still a big one though, and it can be difficult to determine.

 

[PeaceRose]

So is being a psychopath mad or bad? Guess that is a hard question as I know there is a lot of debate about it. Cant quite weigh my neighbour up. If I knew she was a psychopath/sociopath, it would help me a lot, to deal with her.

 

[.Iona.]

Well they are forms of personality disorder. So a persons personality is not the norm. The criteria for diagnosing them is not completely clear on what difference there is between a person who is just plain bad. Diagnosis does not happen overnight though.

I do think that the PD diagnosis is thrown around too much though.

Check out the DSM-IV criteria for them and you'll see what I mean.

 

[PeaceRose]

Hmmm! Been reading a lot about it but I think possibly my neighbour does not fall squarely into it. Not sure though. There are things about her that don't fit.

I know that the term is used a lot these days, especially regarding criminals. I visit some forums where it is debated a lot, and they easily put people into this bracket. Is it ever possible to fit someone into just one bracket? I somehow don't think so.

 

[.Iona.]

Yeah, I don't agree that you can fit a whole person into one box. We are not boxed shaped for a reason! People can even have mixed PD - so can be borderline PD, narcissistic PD and anti social PD all at once. Which to me, often suggests that the person doesn't fall neatly into any category, so they just try and spread them around just so they have a diagnosis.

Have you looked at Narcissistic and Histrionic PD?

 

[PeaceRose]

Thanks Rasa. Will look it up.

 

[Chococat]

I can relate to a lot that has been posted here as I once had an online friend who started out being really sweet and constantly flattering me telling me how wonderful I was but slowly her personality changed and she started putting me down, saying things that she knew would upset me and generally playing on my insecurities. One day she would seem to be back to her old sweet self but the next she would be mean again. Some times she would seem very arrogant and boastful too. I do know she suffered with depression and, despite her sometimes arrogance, I think she had very low self esteem. She also told me she was sexually abused by a close relative when she was a child. I did some research and I suspect she may have either narcissistic personality disorder and/or borderline personality disorder ( I know people with BPD often have a history of sexual abuse). I also spoke to her friend online who was also abusive, mainly in that she would almost always back up the first girl (narcissists often have "enablers"). The final straw for me was when the 2nd girl accused me of "driving" the other girl to emotionally abuse me and even implied I was a lesbian because I was very fond of this other girl (no disrespect to lesbians but I'm not one). I don't want to give the impression that I behaved perfectly as I certainly did not but it was a very wounding experience that I am not completely over.

 

[joey_downunder]

Hmmm! I know that the term is used a lot these days, especially regarding criminals. I visit some forums where it is debated a lot, and they easily put people into this bracket. Is it ever possible to fit someone into just one bracket? I somehow don't think so.

I agree that people very rarely fit one bracket. My ex fitted the Narcissistic Personality Disorder profile exactly, but also had the deceptive, manipulative and nasty "stirring" side of a psychopath. He is actually the main reason I have never joined Facebook just in case he tracked me down and/or to play mind games just to make me feel scared. Yet another good thing about being an army wife and moving too far away from that town I met him in.

 

[Chococat]

Actually from what I hear, Joey, NPD and sociopathy are very similar. Both are very self centred and lacking in empathy and both will sell their own mothers down the river if it suits their purpose.

 

[GodsChild77]

Oh my! I have just taken a look at the site. Haven't read all of it yet as it is very long. I want to know something though - could a psychopath (sociopath?) cry? Could such a person cry and shake and chatter their teeth all at the same time?

I've done tons of reading on sociopaths and psychopaths. From what I've read, if a sociopath were to cry it wouldn't be for the reasons a normal person does. Sociopaths are disconnected from their emotions so they do not feel things the way that we do. A sociopath will usually cry to manipulate or play on a persons emotions... to get what they want.

Three months after our move, and my husband was able to get out more, and we were in our driveway one day (husband was still on crutches and mostly in a wheelchair and remains so to this day) when our neighbour came running at us, her eyes bulging, crying, chattering her teeth, in a right old state with herself and very wound up, telling us that there had been a boundary dispute on this house before we moved in and it had gone to the High Court. She herself had taken the people whom we bought the house off, to Court. No-one really won as the Judge decided they were both in the wrong.

Well, our neighbour then proceeded to pull at things on our land and say we had to do loads of thing that we very obviously could not do. She was rabid.

We attempted to sort it all out with her, although we had no money or the physical ability to do any of the things she said we should do. We tried to be kind to her, although inside we were hurting and in a bad state.

It was like a constant drip drip drip of water on our heads. She kind of tortured us. She did all sorts of things. She had no conscience at all as to what she was putting us through. My husband was and is sick and disabled and struggles very desperately to live his life. She knows that. But she does not care. She upholds that she is in the right and has the right to torture us because she says we are not complying with the court order that was issued to her previous neighbour.

This bizarre way she was acting, out of the blue, with people she didn't even know - that's how I felt with this co-worker. She showed up the first day and told me that I wouldn't be able to "handle her and [the man she would be assisting]". She automatically had a bone to pick with me but didn't even know me. After that glimpse of insanity, everything she did from there on out was extremely covert. After that strange first encounter she acted like best buds to my face while do VERY VERY strange physically manipulative things to my work and surroundings, which she crafted to make sure it wasn't traced back to her, so I'd have no proof. It took a long time and a lot of focus, but eventually I built up enough evidence to expose it all.

-No conscience
-No remorse
-Out right cruel, persistently and on purpose

That's what I experienced as well.

Everyone in our road thinks she and her husband are a "lovely couple." She has her grandchildren every day, and they stay overnight many nights. She is often out there with them, or just out there on her own, making her presence felt. She does not speak to us now, but makes us feel uncomfortable.

The sociopath has a jeckyl and hyde type of personality, where they can switch it on and off just like that, depending on who they are around and how they are seeking to influence/manipulate them. They have to recruit people to be their "pawns" (unknowingly of course) so that they can hurt their enemies in the way they seek to while having people to support them throughout it.

I do not know whether this woman is either a psychopath or sociopath. Having read about it now, she seems to fit the description, but as she can cry, I am not sure. Would one of these people cry and chatter their teeth and shake all at the same time? The tears seemed to be real, but I don't know.

Would appreciate knowing what some others think on this one.

If she is a sociopath she could be doing that just to try to freak you out and make you afraid of her. A sociopath differs from a psychopath in the fact that a sociopath's mode of operation allows them to typically get away with the things they do in society because the things they do are so crafty and covert that people don't even realize what's going on until it's too late or may never realize what happened but just know it didn't feel right... sociopaths are master mind manipulators. Psychopaths, on the other hand, are usually the ones who end up in and out of prison, for doing things that are obviously against the law... they just don't give a rip about hiding it.

I don't know the details about this woman and I'm not a psychologist... but I know that for my own sanity I had to do the research and diagnose the woman I dealt with to keep my own sanity in tact and to figure out how on earth to handle such bizarre behavior. This woman I worked with... she fit every description of a sociopath that I found TO A 'T'. So I'm thoroughly convinced after being the object of her affliction for three and a half years straight, after learning the way that she operated, just observing and learning to handle that she was most definitely a sociopath.

Like I said, I don't know enough about this woman to know what diagnosis most closely fits her; she could be a mixture of things. Sounds like she might have some type of disorder or illness that affects her ability to control the emotions if she CAN'T control the crying she was doing. So, if that's it, it wouldn't be a sociopath. A sociopath is void of emotions completely and just mimics emotions they observe in others so that no one will catch on to how different they are and so that they can continue to manipulate and deceive easily.

You'll just have to observe her for yourself and come to your own conclusion. The thing that has helped me the most to remember is this: Whatever comes out of someone else only shows where they stand and has nothing to do with you. (That's just something I particularly struggled with because I got very little breaks from the constant abuse and it's hard to see things clearly after while when you've been up close for so long.)

 

[GodsChild77]

There is someone at work who drives me crazy too. One minute she is lovely and supportive, the next (usually when a manager is around) she turns into something horrible and will just tell you what to do - even when you never asked her anything!

She just likes to look good in front of managers, but deep down I think she knows she isn't that good.

That's usually what it is. People often act in that way - in the OP - because they feel insecure and have to try and make a point about who they are and hide their weakness and insecurity from others.

Sociopaths will go out of their way to set up situations of humiliation for their victims. They are very crafty. They will go further than that though, they will to extreme lengths and use a lot of their energy and effort to also just mess with someone's head for the sake of messing with their head, when it will accomplish absolutely nothing worthwhile and even won't benefit them in any way other than to see the person hurt and wonder if they're losing their mind. It can be messing with someone's head as a game for fun, not even where anyone else will know what's going on. That's the difference between a sociopath and someone who's just trying to make others look like less than them in front of others because of insecurity. It's a whole different ball game... it's the twilight zone!