Social Functions

[faithgoeson]

What do you do when you are invited to attend a social function that will be full of happily married couples? Do you miss the function and stay home? Do you go and want to cry the whole time? This has always been an issue with me, so I spend a lot of time alone. I'm afraid my kids are suffering for it.

 

[pauldst]

What do you do when you are invited to attend a social function that will be full of happily married couples? Do you miss the function and stay home? Do you go and want to cry the whole time? This has always been an issue with me, so I spend a lot of time alone. I'm afraid my kids are suffering for it.

I go...mostly.

Most of these are with church family, and I'm not using the term family lightly or as a cliche. They and my parents are my support group (my in person one). They miss Cheryl, too. I can not turn my back on them and I need them.

Then there was/as the matter of the real estate office Christmas party this coming Friday. I was asked the other day if I was going by our office staff person. I told her that I didn't know, I hadn't decided. My uncertainty, came exactly from the kind of thing that you are talking about, faithgoeson. Jan's response was that no one had been seeing much of me the last couple several months, that people were always asking her how I am, and I needed to come. She was very kind and motherly about it, but still made it clear that it is what I should do because people care about me and want to see me.

When it is people that care about you, I think it is best to go. In general, I think it is best to go. I know I'm one of the newer ones around here, but it seems to me that it is kind of one of those "get back on the horse" things. If you don't do the social things then the fear/pain/etc. becomes magnified. But if you go it helps you heal, maybe, or helps you toughen up so that it is not so bad. I initially thought that this kind of thing would be an issue for me, but it has not been at all compared to the loneliness.

Of course, I do have to acknowledge that this is from the perspective of someone who does not have children and was single for a long time before getting married, so I was used to going to such things alone before.

God bless you!

Paul

 

[faithgoeson]

I do okay w/ adult things. It does seem to be the children's functions that I find the most uncomfortable and upsetting. My for instance is a big homeschool social event coming up at the church we're considering joining. I was very wonderfully invited to attend so we could meet other homeschoolers there. The thought of being the ONLY single mother there in a room FULL of married people makes me want to run and hide. It is such an uncomfortable situation, even w/ fellow Christians. Anyone want to go w/ me? lol

 

[ComesoonmyLORD]

Faith, it's ok. I felt/feel the same way when I go to one my childrens school events. I went and read to the class not long ago and I think I was the only dad to ever do that, at least for this class. On these days there are several parents (mom's) who come and take turns reading. I pretty well knew I'd be the only dad there, but I went for my son. Afterwards I was so glad I went. I won't lie about it, I was more than a little uneasy about the whole thing. People asking me "How we were doing" and all. But after it was over I was somehow stronger for it. Now I tend to think of myself as better father during those times. It does get easier, and we have to be strong for our little ones. So, I would say go, be yourself, let them look at you with awe about what you are accomplishing in your life and in your childrens lives. You have a wonderful purpose in God's kingdom and at these moments I know God would want you to be strong for them. Press On!!

 

[ComesoonmyLORD]

Oh, and if I lived close enough, I'd be happy to go with you!

 

[JeanR]

I am struggling with the same thing. I was a couple for 29 years, ever since I was 20 years old. Now, I feel like I don't fit in. It is especially hard at church--although my church family has been so wonderful. I know I have to push forward and with God's help this awkwardness will become the normal for me, but this transition is so hard.

There is one thing that I am dreading with the holidays coming. My husband was part of a small family business and every year he had a really nice Christmas Eve day luncheon for the employees. He would buy gifts to raffle off as door prizes, give the employees their Christmas bonus, and then give each employee a turkey as they went home. He always liked to have me by his side during this time. The family has decided to continue with Terry's tradition and they want me to come to the luncheon and be a part of the festivities. I just don't think I can do this without Terry, but I know it would be appreciated by the employees if I did. This will most likely be the toughest thing about the holidays to do.

 

[faithgoeson]

Oh, and if I lived close enough, I'd be happy to go with you!

I know many of you all would go with if we all lived closer together. This is such a sweet bunch of people. At least we're in this together in thoughts and prayers. I think we'll go ahead and go, providing I can now find the invitation. lol

 

[faithgoeson]

I am struggling with the same thing. I was a couple for 29 years, ever since I was 20 years old. Now, I feel like I don't fit in. It is especially hard at church--although my church family has been so wonderful. I know I have to push forward and with God's help this awkwardness will become the normal for me, but this transition is so hard.

There is one thing that I am dreading with the holidays coming. My husband was part of a small family business and every year he had a really nice Christmas Eve day luncheon for the employees. He would buy gifts to raffle off as door prizes, give the employees their Christmas bonus, and then give each employee a turkey as they went home. He always liked to have me by his side during this time. The family has decided to continue with Terry's tradition and they want me to come to the luncheon and be a part of the festivities. I just don't think I can do this without Terry, but I know it would be appreciated by the employees if I did. This will most likely be the toughest thing about the holidays to do.

That would be so hard! God bless you. It's funny the little things that can become mountains in this journey. I've sat through two murder trials, but being in a room full of happy couples is too hard. Crazy, huh? We'll be praying for you.