So where do we go from here ?

[shazabella]

how do we start regaining what is deemed as a normal life not neglecting the abuse / the trauma that has happened but how do we start to move on because the scars either physical , mental , emotional or psychological will always be there but how do we get to the point where we are not walking around with the trauma being all that we can ever think about ?

and if we reach that point how to do we cope from there with this new life and trying to rebuild our lives to be what we want them to be because its not just a case of starting a new life and forgetting about the abuse ...

I am not trying to belittle anything anyone has been thru because I've been there myself but just a couple of q's running thru my head atm.

Thoughts , comments etc


- Shaz

 

[rogsr]

Well first you have to realize that there is no 'normal' life for all of us to try and live. There is only today and what we can do with it in order to grow towards perfect union with God. Your expieriences help make you who you are, but you also choose which way you want to take them. Are you going to grow from them or are you going to let them become burdens? Getting over this begins when you understand that you never did anything wrong, there is nothing to be afraid of, and that God's Will is always done.

According to your age indicator you are 19 yrs old. That means you have a whole life time to help other young girls who have suffered through the same things. The first time you keep a girl from killing herself over her tragedy you will be glad that you endured this for her sake. Let this bring you closer to the Truth of Christ's sacrifice. Carry your cross, not with dread, but with determination as Christ. We are soldiers fighting an enemy with ten thousand years of expierience, and all we have is Jesus and our guts. That's why we win. For all the ways the Devil hurts us nothing can overcome Love.

Peace

 

[If Not For Grace]

Rog is right on q. You can be held hostage by the past if you allow it. We must allrealize that WE have worth. I have tried to ask myself why I surrived the traumas in my life rather than worry about why they happen. EVERYONE has the trauma of the worse thing that ever happen to them.

I realize I have a choice about how I feel and where I go from here. Now I just have to choose..I try to make better choices more informed decisions than I used to and that helps.

 

[Yasha]

I say we start with today.

We plan the life we want to have and we make decisions that carry us toward that. I think the things you asked are HEALTHY; great beginnings to the reality of what you want unfolding before your eyes.

Letting go doesn't mean forgetting...it means accepting.

Accepting means being willing to work inside the definition of the truth. Well actually it means:

ac·cept
Pronunciation: ik-'sept, ak- also ek-
Function: verb
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French accepter, from Latin acceptare, frequentative of accipere to receive, from ad- + capere to take -- more at HEAVE
transitive senses
1 a : to receive willingly <accept a gift> b : to be able or designed to take or hold (something applied or added) <a surface that will not accept ink>
2 : to give admittance or approval to <accept her as one of the group>
3 a : to endure without protest or reaction <accept poor living conditions> b : to regard as proper, normal, or inevitable <e idea is widely accepted> c : to recognize as true : BELIEVE <refused to accept the explanation>
4 a : to make a favorable response to <accept an offer> b : to agree to undertake (a responsibility) <accept a job>
5 : to assume an obligation to pay; also : to take in payment <we don't accept personal checks>
6 : to receive (a legislative report) officially
intransitive senses : to receive favorably something offered -- usually used with of
- ac·cept·ing·ly /-'sep-ti[ng]-lE/ adverb
- ac·cept·ing·ness /-ti[ng]-n&s/ noun

Acceptance is a tall order to achieve. Before we can accept a thing we have to take a good look at it and define it and react to it, sometimes. We tend to fight like crazy to avoid acceptance. Many people spend a whole life reaching acceptance or even recognizing that they they need to.

When I was a miserable drug addict with brain damage and sleeping in my car and crashing on any couch I could find (until they threw me out, too), someone said a sentence to me one day that has been with me ever since. I guess I knew it was true. It gave me a sense of empowerment. I believed it. "The decisions you make today create the world you live in 5 years from now." I don't know if they heard that somewhere or how they picked the number 5. I just felt comfortable with that. I didn't feel threatened by a world 5 years away...there seemed to be time to fix decisions made poorly...and there seemed to be hope for an end that I had the power to participate in that I could live with.

So, I started praying for the Lord to help me decide; To help me to see and to help me make every decision to bring me out of the fear and the brokenness that I lived in. I STILL pray for all that. The miraculous deliverance since then is just untellable. I might never even know the many ways He honors those prayers and spares me from things.

The very first step is:"how do we start regaining what is deemed as a normal life...?"

The second is, in my humble opinion, accepting this truth as a part of your definition. Believing you can best serve the Lord and yourself making decisions that incorporate your needs and hopes 'in light of' that truth. From participating in groups or relationships with people who will care for you with understanding of your truth and making considered and active decisions that will carry you toward the life, love and goals that you define for yourself; all under the prayer cover and hope to receive the love, mercy, correction and guidance of Jesus.

This second one, is NORMAL. It applies to every human being on the planet. Not just abuse survivors. So, see, you are already there...in the normal zone! hah! Like magic, you already put your toes in just by asking these questions. My little heart is pumping fondly for you buddy.
Love, Sha

 

[beetlequeendiva]

Shaz, that is a good question. I don't know how we move forward and live a life where we just forget - I don't think we ever forget about what's happened - it becomes a part of us and we learn to live with it instead of trying to forget it. I made the mistake of trying to forget about it inorder to move on and it doesn't work - you have to accept that your abuse is part of your life but it does become easier and you will learn to accept it and move forward, i am praying for you xxx

 

[Johnnz]

Forgetting is not where it is all at. You can't. Healing from abuse is a journey, a process, where we need support, real, safe, caring people, prayer and good teaching that does not put unrealistic expectations on you.

John
NZ

 

[LiberatedChick]

I don't think we ever forget about what's happened - it becomes a part of us and we learn to live with it instead of trying to forget it. I made the mistake of trying to forget about it inorder to move on and it doesn't work

I agree. I tried forgetting and it just delayed the process of moving on.

It's kinda like grieving in a way. Grief tends to go through stages such as anger, guilt, denial etc until the grieving person accepts that the person they knew is gone and not coming back. I feel like this can be similar. It's often the case that after suffering trauma someone is never the same person again. So just like someone grieving the loss of a loved one they have to eventually accept that person is gone and things have changed.

Such a process takes time. There will be days when what happened is all you can think about, eventually there will begin to be days when it's the last thing on your mind. As time goes by the latter should hopefully become more frequent.