So, what did YOU do?

[2Bhumble]

Does anyone have a difference with your spouse that simply cannot be compromised on? You both have a different opinion on something and neither will budge on it? We have compromised on many things but we disagree on how our children should be raised. I'm the "disciplinarian" and she's the "softy". Oh, sometimes we may think we have a compromise but it lasts only a day or less then we go back to our old ways. We sometimes get angry with each other when watching how the other interacts with our kids in discipline situations. I know this is a common disagreement in marriages but how do you live in harmony? I think the kid(s) suffer if there isn't a united front with the parents.

 

[LiberatedChick]

Does anyone have a difference with your spouse that simply cannot be compromised on? You both have a different opinion on something and neither will budge on it? We have compromised on many things but we disagree on how our children should be raised. I'm the "disciplinarian" and she's the "softy". Oh, sometimes we may think we have a compromise but it lasts only a day or less then we go back to our old ways. We sometimes get angry with each other when watching how the other interacts with our kids in discipline situations. I know this is a common disagreement in marriages but how do you live in harmony? I think the kid(s) suffer if there isn't a united front with the parents.

Yes, my husband and I are unequally yoked. So whilst we both agree on things like the discipline of children I'm not sure whether we'll agree on if they should be raised as believers or not. We don't currently have any children but for many reasons I think that he'll be quite open to them at least learning about Christianity.

I also believe that parents should show a united front, though especially in terms of rules. I think rules are something that should be agreed on as I don't think it's good if a kid asks mummy if they can do something and mummy says no only for the kid to then go ask daddy the same thing and daddy say yes (or vice versa). As for discipline I don't think it's so important to do things exactly the same ways. My parents never disciplined in the same way, in fact most of it was left to my mum as my dad was often working. The same is true for my cousins as their dad was often working much of the discipline was left to their mum and when their dad was home he disciplined in different ways. So my opinion is that what requires discipline should be agreed upon, not necessarily how. That said their was a time when my husbands parents got into a fight over how to discipline as his dad hit my hubby for being naughty and his mum got angry at his dad because she thought it was too hard. It's a bit of a minefield.

 

[InTheFlame]

It might pay to read some parenting books (or videos) together? Might help you both work out your reasons for your discipline beliefs and a good 'middle ground' to use...?

 

[bliz]

I need to know a little more...

Do you have differnt rules? Do you enforce rules differently? Do you speak to kids differently? In what ways are you different when it comes to your kids? Can you give some examples?

 

[Peter]

Good question.

I'm afraid if a business was run like some of our homes, we'd be out of business in a hurry.

There needs to be unity in the raising of the children. If I and my partner (in business) are building a product, and we each do our own thing in it's contruction, the product is not going to be very good.

My wife is the design crew when it comes to raising children. I am the task force and follow her lead.

Peace.

The Reader Peter

 

[searle29678]

My mom and dad were very different in disciplining us. My mom was the bad guy and my dad wasn't as aggressive. My dad could punish me just by saying "I'm very dissappointed" and I would fall to pieces. They eventually got to a point where mom would come up with an appropriate punishment and while my dad didn't enforce it initially he would back it up. Be it being grounded, a "spanking", taking away tv, whatever....Eventually my dad got to the point where if we did something and mom wasn't home,depending on severity of the crime, he would wait till she got there and say "Ok, Stephanie did this and this" and mom would say "Ok, you're grounded" and my dad would reinforce the punishment. They became a force to be reckoned with even though my dad was not as good at making the punishment fit the crime.

 

[2Bhumble]

I need to know a little more...

Do you have differnt rules? Do you enforce rules differently? Do you speak to kids differently? In what ways are you different when it comes to your kids? Can you give some examples?

Yes, some of the rules are different. The enforcing of those rules is the big difference. In my own defense, the way I enforce those rules gets results where my wife's methods of enforcement leave her frustrated. An example would be getting our child to bed on time on school nights. We both agree on 9:00 p.m. When it's 9:30, 10:00, 10:30 and my child is still requesting a drink or complaining about whatever ("Mommy"), my wife gives in. This keeps our child up late and my wife feels frustrated as she looses sleep too. If I raise my voice or take a privilege away, my wife will say "oh that's a little harsh isn't it"? Then I get mad and blame her for keeping our child up. I want her to change her ways and she wants me to change my ways - but, neither will budge. Bedtime isn't the only issue, just an example - I guess it's the "neither of us will budge" that's the main issue.

 

[searle29678]

Have you guys ever sat down and said "ok when they do this, we do this...this is bedtime, no drink no nothing after this time..."? I guess I mean, have you ever just had a detailed conversation about discipline and why you want to do things this way and she wants to do things that way?

 

[Zoomer]

You have to come to a compromise that is the only answer. I cannot stress enough how important parental unity is when it comes to rules and consquences. It's only going to get more difficult the older they get. I suggest finding some middle ground between your two discipline styles and writing down a list of house rules and finding consquences that you can agree on if those rules are broken.

 

[2Bhumble]

...writing down a list of house rules and finding consquences that you can agree on if those rules are broken.

I like the idea of writing them down. Sort of a fun contract. The 3 of us will contribute when we're all well rested and have the time - like on a weekend. We have tried talking over and over and my wife and child always "revert back" after a few weak moments. This way, it will be there for all to see so when the heated moment arises, we'll refer back to the "list" and let it do the talking. Thanks!

Thanks for other's replies as well. God bless.

 

[searle29678]

That is a good idea, Zoomer. That way no one can say they didn't know and both parents know how a situation will be handled. Excellent idea!