so sad, can't stop crying.

[Andy Pandy]

Someone I considered family, now believes me to be bad, unhealthy and toxic to his growth,,, I am now the proverbial dust under his feet................. It hurts,,,

 

[madison1101]

Well, you have two choices. One, you can wallow in self-pity and stay where you are emotionally and recovery wise. OR, two, you can determine the veracity of what was said about you, and make the necessary recovery choices to stop being toxic. If you are drinking, stop. Go to AA, and start working the 12 Steps of recovery.

If you have mental health issues, get into therapy. In therapy, identify the behaviors that need to be changed, and the negative emotions that need to be brought under control. What negative self-talk has led to your behavior and emotions?

The choice is yours. Self-pity, or recovery? What do you choose?

Trish Reilly

 

[Andy Pandy]

Well, you have two choices. One, you can wallow in self-pity and stay where you are emotionally and recovery wise. OR, two, you can determine the veracity of what was said about you, and make the necessary recovery choices to stop being toxic. If you are drinking, stop. Go to AA, and start working the 12 Steps of recovery.

If you have mental health issues, get into therapy. In therapy, identify the behaviors that need to be changed, and the negative emotions that need to be brought under control. What negative self-talk has led to your behavior and emotions?

The choice is yours. Self-pity, or recovery? What do you choose?

Trish Reilly

An interesting response Trish Reily,, It is not self pity it is grief for the loss of a friend that I am feeling...Thank you for your advice, but I am already in therapy, and doing well... that does not negate the grief, it is very real.

 

[madison1101]

An interesting response Trish Reily,, It is not self pity it is grief for the loss of a friend that I am feeling...Thank you for your advice, but I am already in therapy, and doing well... that does not negate the grief, it is very real.

Please don't get me wrong. I have experienced similar grief, as my marriage ended ten years ago, because of my negative behaviors. My ex and I were married for 25 years, and I grieved for almost a year after my husband left me. Unfortunately, I was unable to stay in that grief, because I had other crises to deal with as one of my son's needed rehab for heroin addiction.

The Beatitudes says that those who grieve are blessed. I am of the belief that the grief Jesus was referring to in that passage is to grieve over sin.

I was in therapy for years prior to the end of my marriage, but I did not make the necessary changes in my behavior to save it. The grief of losing my marriage and realizing how much I had hurt my husband all those years was enough to motivate me to make drastic changes in my behavior and attitude.

Take your grief to the Lord, and meditate on the Beatitudes and Psalm 139. Also, pray for your friend, and for your relationship. Pray that your friend can be forgiving, and see the changes you will be making in the future, and just maybe there can be some sort of reconciliation in the future. Miracles do happen, and it may take years, but there is always hope as long as you trust the Lord. My ex and I are now friends, and I am also friends with his new wife. When my adult children are in town, we socialize and get along, even to where they have invited my family to their home for Christmas dinner with our children and grandchildren. It did not happen overnight, but healing has taken place, and we are getting along.

Sorry if I appeared callous, and misunderstood your original post. That was not my intention.

Trish Reilly

 

[visionary]

Someone I considered family, now believes me to be bad, unhealthy and toxic to his growth,,, I am now the proverbial dust under his feet................. It hurts,,,

Learn and grow from the experience.. If he thinks that you are toxic to his own growth, it shows you how weak he is in his.. be understanding and move on.. there will be others who will come into your life and you will benefit from their friendship too..

 

[If Not For Grace]

Whever addicts do not get the response they want, they often react in the manner you describe. Yes it hurts, but if you can seek the person is sick & not engaging in
rational behaviors, you will not take it as personally. Sometimes we just have to love people from afar off. It is better for them and for us. Read on Dettachment & see if
that does not help you obtain comfort. Sometimes to quote one of my hero's (Tom Petty) "There ain't no easy way out".

It will get betterm, I promise..
Grace

 

[Tim Myers]

Never allow anyone to have that much power over you, except God........

 

[Andy Pandy]

Never allow anyone to have that much power over you, except God........

I have made that same mistake twice, ,, one represented himself as a counsellor, the other as a counsellor,Minister and friend. I will not be bitten again ! I am now in control of my own thoughts and feelings.. It has been a long hard road,,,

 

[meganjo]

hi andypandy..
hope you are doing good now!!
no one in this world is left alone, may be for a matter of time.. never have a thought of helpless human, we all here to help you.
have a good day
may god bless you and get you out of your sorrows

 

[Andy Pandy]

hi andypandy..
hope you are doing good now!!
no one in this world is left alone, may be for a matter of time.. never have a thought of helpless human, we all here to help you.
have a good day
may god bless you and get you out of your sorrows

I am doing very well now thank you meganjo, I have learned a great deal and I have forgiven this person completely. I still miss him very much, but that will wear off as most things do.

I have a new project on the go at the moment, which is distracting me from any thoughts of drinking, because I have to concentrate......... I know it covers it up, but it works for me day to day and that is all I can ask.

 

[rturner76]

ANdy Pandy I hope that when the distractions are over and you have a craving you are able to go to the Lord and have it taken away from you. I don't know your history so I'm not going to try and tell you what to do but I know addiction and if you have it, a distraction will not cure it. If you were just in a funk and are not addicted. I'm sooooo happy you saw it for what it was and stopped it in it's trax befor it became something monstrous. As for that friend. If you have made permanent changes to your life and they have too, sometimes you don't have the same things is common anymore any way.

But, I just wanted to let you know I feel for you and I have prayed for you. God is Good all the time and the fact that you are here means you are aware that God loves you and you are aware of his presence in his people.

Be well and go with god my Christian brethren
Robert T

 

[Andy Pandy]

ANdy Pandy I hope that when the distractions are over and you have a craving you are able to go to the Lord and have it taken away from you. I don't know your history so I'm not going to try and tell you what to do but I know addiction and if you have it, a distraction will not cure it. If you were just in a funk and are not addicted. I'm sooooo happy you saw it for what it was and stopped it in it's trax befor it became something monstrous. As for that friend. If you have made permanent changes to your life and they have too, sometimes you don't have the same things is common anymore any way.

But, I just wanted, to let you know I feel for you and I have prayed for you. God is Good all the time and the fact that you are here means you are aware that God loves you and you are aware of his presence in his people.

Be well and go with god my Christian brethren
Robert T

Hi, thank you for your comments, I do understand that distraction will have to be replaced at some point. AA is possibly down the line, but my issues and anger need to be addressed first. I am dealing with child abuse, rape, grief, and mental illness. Right now I am working with a wonderful counsellor who is helping me with many of the triggers. This period of sobriety is my longest ever, and I am very proud of myself.

I believe my friend made a mistake, I have a feeling ( and my counsellor agrees) that this is more about his problems than mine. I always pray for him and his family, but we have both moved on.

 

[madison1101]

Hi, thank you for your comments, I do understand that distraction will have to be replaced at some point. AA is possibly down the line, but my issues and anger need to be addressed first. I am dealing with child abuse, rape, grief, and mental illness. Right now I am working with a wonderful counsellor who is helping me with many of the triggers. This period of sobriety is my longest ever, and I am very proud of myself.

I believe my friend made a mistake, I have a feeling ( and my counsellor agrees) that this is more about his problems than mine. I always pray for him and his family, but we have both moved on.

Did you know that working the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous can help you deal with abuse and anger? Steps four through nine deal with resentments and bitterness. AA is not just a fellowship of alcoholics who help each other stay sober. It is a 12 step program of recovery from the emotional issues that lead us to the alcohol in the first place.

Trish

 

[rturner76]

Andy Pandy, AA does alot of people alot of good. If/when you are ready to give it a try just remember....Easy does it. I learned that in NA. Seeing a therapibs AND doing 12 step work AND doing group therapy was the combo that got me clean, sober and actually enjoying my life also. That's another clue. If it is miserable all the time STOP. Recovery is supposed to be fun. Don't get me wrong, there sre times where it can be uncomfortable and downright scary what you uncover about yourself but day to day in meetings and working with your sponsor, should be 10-1 laughs to tears I guess. I'm no expert. No 1 person is and that's the magic of the program. It's one drunk helping another.

Even not knowing you, I'm so happy for you. 12 steps is a hourney of self discovery that will free you of much of your old baggage and really set you free about a million things. If you process that with a therapist, you will get even so much more out if it. I should say I got so much more out of it. (Remember I statements).

You are already well well on your way from what it sounds like. Again I wish you well on this journey and please please don't hesitate to message me if you got any questions about anything. I'm not an "old timer" with 100 years clean but I know how it is because I been there too brother,

Much love
Robert T

Oh yeah I almost forgot, you will have 1 up on most AA newcomers because they will be trying to figure out the "God thing" it's called alot. It's a spiritual program so a relationship with Jesus or God will take you far in your recovery. SOmetimes it's the 1 thing I hold on to for dear life to get through that day one day at a time. I love this stuff

Peace

 

[Andy Pandy]

It was very nice to meet you all too This will be my last visit due to circumstances beyond my control.

God Bless.
Andy.