I don't know why I'm typing this right now. Thinking on it is going to likely upset me, but I feel this might be necessary to post. If not for myself, then for others who might be sharing similar situations to my own.
I've been suffering from depression on and off since I was little. I had a significant relapse last summer when my girlfriend left me (and I later learned cheated) after having a 3-year relationship. I had a nervous breakdown and my moods have been volatile ever since. I'll go days where I feel like I can make things better and then days where I'm so low that suicide becomes an appealing option.
I'm so lonely and in horrible, horrible pain. I try to show love toward other people, but everyone sees my acts of kindness to have an ulterior motive. Maybe I just would like to do nice things to be nice. I ask for nothing. I don't even ask for friendship. I'm nice because I want to give happiness to people. It makes me depressed because so often I get pushed further and further away.
My therapist says that I need to go places related to my interests in order to find potential friends, relationships, etc. My experiences in the past have left me uninterested in those particular environments.
My growing detachment from the world has left me with increasing anxiety and despair. Since my break-up, I have continually and vigorously prayed and prayed and asked others to pray for me. I pray for the good of others and I pray for things for myself. I pray for wisdom and faith. I pray for God to take away my depression. I pray to be loved by someone again. I pray for the salvation of my friends. I see nearly none of these requests honored. Which leads to prayers for death.
I backslid and avoided God and church for most of this past summer. I made some improvements in my life and, ironically, developed more godly traits. But I've returned to my faith because I see no other way that is right. I continue my prayers and they remain stagnant and I sometimes wonder if they are even heard. I confess to sins, gives thanks, and make my requests. Nothing.
I constantly read and hear how the lonely can take comfort that God is always with us. I'm guilted by the claim that I don't love God enough because I want to be in love and valued by someone in return. Even when I pray for wisdom and faith, I can't find myself believing that God will honor my requests. And God doesn't give me hugs.
Maybe I'm just venting, I don't know. If anyone here can find some comfort in relating to my problems or if someone out there can manage to cobble together a prayer from my whining, I would be very pleased.
Shalom!
I've been suffering from depression on and off since I was little. I had a significant relapse last summer when my girlfriend left me (and I later learned cheated) after having a 3-year relationship. I had a nervous breakdown and my moods have been volatile ever since. I'll go days where I feel like I can make things better and then days where I'm so low that suicide becomes an appealing option.
I'm so lonely and in horrible, horrible pain. I try to show love toward other people, but everyone sees my acts of kindness to have an ulterior motive. Maybe I just would like to do nice things to be nice. I ask for nothing. I don't even ask for friendship. I'm nice because I want to give happiness to people. It makes me depressed because so often I get pushed further and further away.
My therapist says that I need to go places related to my interests in order to find potential friends, relationships, etc. My experiences in the past have left me uninterested in those particular environments.
My growing detachment from the world has left me with increasing anxiety and despair. Since my break-up, I have continually and vigorously prayed and prayed and asked others to pray for me. I pray for the good of others and I pray for things for myself. I pray for wisdom and faith. I pray for God to take away my depression. I pray to be loved by someone again. I pray for the salvation of my friends. I see nearly none of these requests honored. Which leads to prayers for death.
I backslid and avoided God and church for most of this past summer. I made some improvements in my life and, ironically, developed more godly traits. But I've returned to my faith because I see no other way that is right. I continue my prayers and they remain stagnant and I sometimes wonder if they are even heard. I confess to sins, gives thanks, and make my requests. Nothing.
I constantly read and hear how the lonely can take comfort that God is always with us. I'm guilted by the claim that I don't love God enough because I want to be in love and valued by someone in return. Even when I pray for wisdom and faith, I can't find myself believing that God will honor my requests. And God doesn't give me hugs.
Maybe I'm just venting, I don't know. If anyone here can find some comfort in relating to my problems or if someone out there can manage to cobble together a prayer from my whining, I would be very pleased.
Shalom!
