So hurt.. So lonely

[jschnepel]

If you care to read the entire thing, please do, I want you to know my story before you suggest anything or tell me anything. If you're short of time, just skip down to the second part.

I know this is probably small compared to a lot of others but its big to me. I just recently turned 19. I was in an unhealthy relationship with an agnostic and it just recently ended after 11 months. I shouldn't have dated her in the first place. I should have just been friends. In all honesty though, I miss her. The things she did was like no other I've ever met and those things were so attractive. I asked god to lead me to a good relationship. He said wait until February. He knew what i wanted and I believed that this was the one. I wanted a girl I could take care of. A girl that was like no other. A girl that didn't curse; Didn't drink; Didn't smoke. I wanted a girl that could make me laugh, a girl that would treat me like I was the only one important to her. Last February one of my friends had a heart aneurysm. She had to immediately go in to open heart surgery. She was 5 or 6 hours away. I prayed my heart out that she be okay. Then her parents offer to pay for a plain ticket for me to go down and see her. My parents agree'd if my teachers agree'd. They all agreed and thought it was a very good experience. I flew down there, i was going to stay with her parents until we could go back home. you can imagine where it went from there. I thought i found the perfect girl. The girl god promised me. She was sweet and treated me like I was the most important guy around. Her parents love me. Her dog loves me. her friends love me. She did the things that I wanted but never would have expected out of anyone. (ex. She said she had no anus. I think anything to do with girls and poo is nasty and unattractive.) I got to take care of her through another major surgery which all she did was ask for me as soon as she got out. I would hold her head up when she couldn't so she could watch tv. I would do absolutely anything for this girl and she would do the same for me. She was perfect. We couldn't talk about religion because that would end up in a fight but i figured, god lead her to me, her heart is still open to it, so i didn't think past that. anyways, everything runs smoothly for about 9 months. Around my birthday I recently got a back pain that would result in a bad headache and thus putting me in a not so good mood. I was happy but just hyper or full of energy. This bothered her, she never saw me unenergetic for so long. She couldn't handle it and said it bothered her a lot and that if things dont change then we might have to break up. I saw that as a "get back in line", so i found out what was causing it and stopped it. Things went back to running smoothly for another month. december was wonderful except towards the end she starts getting these migraines really bad and can't do anything. All she wanted to do was lay around. So I laid around with her. we make plans, don't get to do them because she had to do make up work from the days of school she missed. I was fine with it. For almost 10 months, and 2 weeks, we never spent more than 1 day apart, Ever. In two weeks that feel apart. First week we saw each other three times, second week we saw each other twice. In that second week, this past Wednesday, she ends it with me. First excuse "You dont have a high enough energy level for me." Second was "It just died. I don't enjoy being with you anymore." This i can understand. 10 months and 2 weeks of being with someone can burn that out pretty easily specially if absence makes the heart grow fond.

Anyways, God is helping me handle it very very well considering how much i cared for her. My Biggest problem now i think is that i'm just soo lonely. I was sooo use to being around someone all the time that wanted to take care of me, make me actually think good about myself, made me better myself. Don't get me wrong, i love my friends and they are doing an excellent job with cheering me up but there's something missing in my life now. Something i feel i need. Something i really, really want. I accept that its over and understand that just dating her wasn't a very good idea but I won't lie and say i didn't love nearly every minute of it, because truthfully i did. Truthfully shes the type of girl i wanted to marry but only if she was Christian. That was my Only problem with her. I'm panicking without having someone to hold and take care of, someone to hold me and tell me that they enjoy being with me. I don't know what to do. I won't find the little things like that example i told you earlier in any girl. Besides religion, we shared the same taste and opinion on everything else besides musicals. I want that gap filled. I want that hole she cut out of me filled with someone else who won't do that to me again.

 

[ForeverHopeful]

Hello, you gave some great advice on a different post, so I searched until I found this one. I was your age the first time my heart was broken and I can still remember the pain I felt. It felt like it would never go away and that he could never be replaced. I look back and realize he taught me everything I would not put up with in a relationship, so although it hurt, I have NO regrets. You sound like you are blaming yourself for this breakup, but when you find your soul mate they will love you in the good, the not so good and the bad times too. Think about the love you feel for her? You were at her side when her health was bad, and your feellings did not waiver. You really deserve the same kind of love. I will pray for you.

Heavenly Father, in Jesus name I pray that you bless this young man with peace that passes understanding just knowing this is in your hands. Bless him according to you perfect will. Give him guidance and strength so that his heart can heal and he can go on to the next chapter in his life. Thank you for this and for all you do, AMEN

 

[jschnepel]

thank you so much. I really need prayers right now. I've gotten 6 hours of sleep while on sleeping meds for the past 3 days. I can't be alone at all even if my mind is on a project or something else like a video game. In a way I blame myself but at the same time - i knew it wasn't right because of her strong agnostic belief. I just saw so much good in her that i couldn't help myself. It was an amazing 9 months, I regret very little. She did teach me some stuff and part of it is the unconditional part. It showed me how much i care and to what extent i would go to make sure my significant other was happy. I Impressed myself and everyone else. Everyone, including her mom and friends, said she is dumb for this mistake but i believe god had something to do with it. I've been praying for positive change and here it is in its own way. Positive means healthy or good for you. Positive doesn't have to mean i'm happy with the change or anything like that. Who knows... Maybe he ment this february of 2010

I trust in him and thank him for everything even if i don't like it at first. I never fail to thank him for the fun, the learning and the person who made me happy for how ever long that may be. I don't get angry when something like this happens and i consider that a blessing. "thank you lord for giving me the time with this girl who made me happy. She was awesome and if its your will, let it be done. Thank you for giving me the opportunity and privilege of being in a relationship."

 

[ForeverHopeful]

I know what you mean about not being able to sleep, although for me it is work related right now. You feel soo tired and yet your mind won't rest so you can't sleep. Anyway, sounds like everyone else really appreciated the unconditional love you gave to her, but her. Perhaps this time apart is really meant for her to grow. If I've learned anything about relationships is that you can't really change a person, you can only change yourself. I usually pray for others on the Prayer link at the top, I came across you & the other young man in your situation, by clicking on the new posts link instead. If you would like more prayers and advise I would suggest going there to post. There are so many prayer warriors there. Your Spirit is bound to be lifted. I also would like to share an article with you on positive thinking, that I know you will enjoy. Give me a few to find it and I will get back to you. Love in Christ, foreverhopeful

 

[ForeverHopeful]

Here it is!

How To Become
A Positive Thinker
The world in which you live is not determined by outward
circumstances as much as it is by the thoughts that occupy your
mind. You can think and believe your way to misery or to a life of
joy, satisfaction, and abundance. You have the power to choose.
THE CONCEPT OF POSITIVE THINKING is a philosophy, an expression
of faith. It doesn’t ignore life’s problems, but explains a practical
approach to deal with, and overcome, them.
Anyone interested in seeking a better, promise- lled way of life,
can nd it through positive thinking and faith in God. To become a
successful positive thinker, here are some ideas to think about:
1. To every disadvantage, there usually is a corresponding​

advantage.

Consider the old truism that behind the darkest clouds

the sun is shining. In the toughest situations there is always some
value that is inherently good. The positive thinker will look for the
good, for the advantage, and will therefore do far better with the
di-culty than the negative thinker will. What you deeply think and
visualize has a strong tendency to happen. So always think
positively, believingly, expectantly, hopefully.
​

​

2. It isn’t what is happening but your attitude toward what is
happening. ​

​

Let’s assume a big, hard fact, and here are two men of

equal intelligence facing it. One man says. “This is an overwhelming
di-culty, more than I can handle.” So he is defeated by the fact. The
other man says, “This is a tough situation, but with God’s help, I can
handle it.” And he proceeds to do so successfully. It is the attitude
toward the fact that is crucial—more so than the fact itself.
​

​

3. Develop a positive mental attitude toward the bottom. ​

​

I have

often had to deal with glum and discouraged people who have
said, “I’ve hit bottom and there is no hope.” To one such man I
replied, “Congratulations. Having hit bottom, you can go no lower;
the only direction is up. So start thinking up.” He did, and after a
time new ideas came that helped him to move up well above the
bottom.
​

​

4. Put thoughts of God up against your trouble. ​

​

A friend of mine, at

84, had her leg amputated. Even so, she does all her housework
from a wheelchair. When asked if she ever becomes discouraged,
she answered, “Certainly I do.” Then I asked, “What do you do when
you get discouraged?” She replied, “What is there to do but get over
it? I simply take the attitude that, with the Lord helping me, I can
sweep all dark shadows from my mind, as I do the dust in my
house.”
​

​

Excerpted from ​

​

The Positive Thinkers Club Newsletter by Norman Vincent Peale.

Copyright © 1980 by Peale Center for Christian Living.
​

​

What you deeply
think and visualize
has a strong​

tendency to happen

​

 

[Criada]

I'm sorry you are so lonely.
The end of a relationship is always painful, and it sounds as though this was a very intense relationship.
All I can say is, it will get easier. And if she wasn't the right girl for you, then God will bring along the one who is, and all the details will fit.

One thing though... remember, girls are human, like you. Don't look for someone to worship - you have God for that. In a healthy relationship you both admit that the other is not perfect (no one is), but you live with those imperfections because you love the person.

I hope that you find peace soon

 

[jschnepel]

I don't want to sound.. ungrateful? but i would really appreciate more responses. Don't get me wrong, I've read everything that has been posted on this and my prayer request with much appreciation but the more i get the better i seem to feel.

 

[ForeverHopeful]

Hello brother! You will get more replies, especially in that other area. However the subject line you put there which is "lots of prayers" doesn't match the content so some might think you are posting prayers instead of requesting them. Try a subject line, such as, "feeling broken hearted, pls join me in prayer". Also, the time and the day make a difference too. Hang in there. You might find the below helpful too, God Bless

Don't Worry
1 PETER 5:7 NLT
7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about
what happens to you.
Probably the biggest temptation most believers face is the
temptation to worry.
What is worry? Worry is thinking that leaves God out. Worry is
the opposite of faith. Instead of expecting God's help -- you
expect the worst.
1 PETER 5:7 CEV
7 God cares for you, so turn all your worries over to him.
The Bible has much to say about not worrying. Worry is not
appropriate for a child of God.
MATTHEW 6:32 CEV
32 Only people who don't know God are always worrying about
such things. Your Father in heaven knows that you need all of
these.
PHILIPPIANS 4:6 ICB
6 Do not worry about anything. But pray and ask God for
everything you need. And when you pray, always give thanks.
SAY THIS: I will not worry. I will trust in God. He will take
care of me and everything that concerns me.

 

[jschnepel]

I just want to say that all this praying has been really appreciated. I feel amazing. I'm not lonely anymore, just bored. I have forgiven her and have no negative feelings towards her at all. Thank you so much. I just want to pray for her and stuff like that. What a wonderful feeling. I haven't felt this good in sooo long. God is great. God is holy. God is amazing. I pray all of you have a wonderful day, week, year, ect. Thanks again.

- J. E. S.

P.S. - I would like to maintain this level of happiness, care-free, worry-free state of mind. If you would join me in prayer of keeping this going for good, i would appreciate it.

 

[jschnepel]

Even though i miss her, When she left me so did all my other sinful acts. I don't curse, i don't get angry or over react. I'm incredibly forgiving. I Say everything that is positive. I compliment everyone. A lot of this i already did but now i do it much more. It's almost like.. When I'm upset, what makes me feel better is making others smile. I think that's rare. When people are sad, they tend to need other people to make them feel better. I thank god for this gift because he certainly did bless me with the ability to be optimistic and make people happy. God is such an amazing God. He's #1!

The girl i dated did help me better myself but the stress from the relationship built up and changed me little by little to the point of being an average human that lives for himself and his girlfriend. I'm not average; I'm Saved. It's sad how it takes a break up to realize this but I am so greatful for it. Even though I think she had feelings for another person while we were together towards the end, All i feel are compassion and forgiving towards her. I pray for her to make wise choices and to not be tricked by worldly sinful people. Haha i even made a plan with her friends so that if she ever needs a pick me up, I'll go drop something off at her house and ring the door bell and run. She won't know its me but i get the pleasure of knowing I helped a loved one feel better and smile. What a wonderful feeling. What an awesome God he is.

 

[ForeverHopeful]

Praise be to God! All glory and honor are his. I am happy to hear you are feeling much better. When I am down, my pick me up is to come here and pray for others who are in need too. No matter what I feel like when I begin, i feel so much better after praying for others. May God continue to bless you and all of those you love.

 

[jschnepel]

Update: I was doing great until I had a dream today. In the dream i was back in a relationship with this girl, and i was ohh soo happy. I was able to play soccer again, which is another thing that i was in love with that got taken away, and i was a doctor. I wake up thinking its reality, look at my wrists to see the stuff see gave me gone, and i break down again. In need of more prayer

 

[servant of Merciful Love]

I will be praying for your hope, peace, and joy

 

[jschnepel]

Another update: I read something she told someone else and its full of how i was depressing to date and how half of our relationship was based on her wanting to cheat on me. God ended this for the better. regardless as opposed to feeling lonely, now i feel hurt. I did everything in my power to make her happy and i turn out to be an awful boyfriend. Pray for me, for happiness and peace.

 

[BlessEwe]

Praying for you jschnepel

 

[Criada]

It doesn't sound as though you were an awful boyfriend, simply that the two f you were not really right for one another.
I hope that you find someone with whom you can have a successful relationship soon... don't let one bad experience hurt you. There is someone out there who is meant for you

 

[PrayerInProgress]

Another update: I read something she told someone else and its full of how i was depressing to date and how half of our relationship was based on her wanting to cheat on me. God ended this for the better. regardless as opposed to feeling lonely, now i feel hurt. I did everything in my power to make her happy and i turn out to be an awful boyfriend. Pray for me, for happiness and peace.

I'm sorry to hear about your pain! Relationships ending can be very painful. You're blessed in that you have the love of Jesus Christ in your heart and He will heal all your pain in time!

From the sound of things, I would bet that she is hearing everyone around her saying what a mistake she made in ending the relationship with you. Just a guess but I'd say she could be defensive to everyone else telling her that she shouldn't have broken up with you. Maybe...maybe not.

And even if she did want to cheat, I can tell you from experience that it is much better to have someone break up with you in advance than to have them cheat on you behind your back and lead you on like nothing has happened.

I pray that God will bring the right girl into your life! I know He will!!! Hang in there and I'll say a prayer for your continued healing!

P.I.P.

 

[ForeverHopeful]

I agree with both of the posts above this. You are not right for eachother, and or the timing is not right, either way it hurts. If she thought about cheating or if she did either way, you deserve much better than that and I will join you in prayer.

Father, I pray in agreement with these loving prayers for happiness, peace a stronger relationship with you and in your perfect timing I pray that you prepare our brother for his future soul mate. Give him wisdom, courage and strength. Thank you for this and for al you do, Amen