just that. So broken right now. I'm been up since 0400; this is my thinking and prayer time, alone. This morning, it has disintegrated into weeping....
My husband of 16 years & I are divorcing.
I feel so.............discarded.
I am trying so hard to take the high road and to be loving through this, but I am so soul-deep hurt that I, that we, are not important enough for him to weather this period and keep trying.
And this with a man who has broken every vow and been forgiven.
And me taking the high road means other people (my family) are being forgiving too, But what I secretly want is for them to turn away from him, to see that he is dismissing them as well.
And he will have to face the consequences of his actions alone, for the first time in his life. Right now, I don't want him to be happy. I want him to hurt the way I am. I have no intent to bring that to him, I want it to come from his own heart & soul.
spoken from my heart. don't judge, just please pray that I can continue to let God come thru in love and peacefulness.
I too weep for you and the afflictions you are being forced to endure and suffer through in this time. My heart goes out to you and your family and to your husband. I don't know what is motivating him to be so foolish and foolhardy to make the choices he is at present. It will not go well for him, neither in this life, nor in the life to come to be sure, should he fail to turn away from this path.
May I encourage you to allow your heart to be stretched in this trial. Stretched or enlarged so you do not permit any anger you might be experiencing, to morph into something unwholesome and ugly (which would be a grief to you afterwards). It is not wrong sister to be angry, there is justifiable anger to be sure. Is it wrong to be angry at the things that are corrosive and destructive to people and the God given relationships we are apart of and desire to see grow and be wholesome? Are not some of your husband's behavior and decisions ungodly? Yes. Many think it is wrong to be angry, that it is a sign of bitterness, or an unforgiving spirit to be angry at such things. While others seem to revel in anger. In your case there will be those that would advise you to exercise 'your rights'. Meaning, if you could, 'beat' your husband 'at the punch' and divorce him first. Then then go out and find someone new, someone who will 'love', honor and whom you can 'trust'.
Neither will do. Both only describe the two different ditches that run along the Highway of God.
"Be angry and sin not", is the qualifying component.
You can be angry, so long as it is not springing from sinful thoughts, words or deeds. Christ was angry and did not sin. Paul Peter and Stephen displayed anger at times. But what was it that they were angry at? It wasn't at others for spoiling their 'me' time or some such things. They, like you and I (when the motives are right) were moved to anger over things that were the source of unwarranted suffering in the lives of others. Who is not grieved and angry over things such as abuse of power and/or misuse of a position of persuasive influence.
I stress this aspect regarding anger here, because if you haven't been as yet, you may find anger seeking to engulf you. Perhaps a deep sense of anger might wish to engulf you in the face of all that is transpiring as a result of your husband's iniquities and treachery. Satan is no small foe. Anger is not to be denied that it exists, or to be suppressed as if it were never appropriate to experience. Rather, we are to circumspectly govern it, in what is ultimately a spirit of faith, hope and love...a redemptive desire for and continual prayer for the restoration of your husband to a sound mind. The prodigal son, as well as the demoniac, and King Nebuchadnezzar all faced crisis of a spiritual and mental nature.
All who turn a deaf ear to the Law and commands of God, are in a real sense not in their right minds. Your husband, for whatever reasons, is walking down a path that if he was in his right mind (sober minded, vigilant mindful of Satan who is having success in devouring him, because he isn't sober and vigilant), he would jump clear of that pathway. But he is not. So he may go down that road a long ways - hopefully not, through your continual petitioning for him, perhaps the Lord will be gracious to you and him.
Nevertheless, prepare yourself for the long-haul, by patient continuance in prayer.
May I add here that I have been separated from my 'deer', dear wife now for I can hardly believe it, a full twelve years. It was our 31 anniversary the other day. It was not my desire to be separated, my dear but deceived wife under the destructive influence of a false teacher (falsely so-called 'pastor') "departed" from me; or as the scriptures refer to it "treacherously departed" from her husband. I have suffered in incalculable ways with the departure of my wife - both during the day and at night many times. Yet in the midst of it all I do find joy and even peace at the times I have been mindful to give my burdens and sorrows to the Lord.
What I have gained in insight into myself and into others (our common human nature) and what I have discovered of God's Will and nature in my diligent searching of the scriptures over the years...well, if I had a choice, it would not be as easy as you might think to choose between trading what I have gained, for what I have lost. I would rather beg to be able to benefit from both.
I caused my dear wife sorrow of heart and grief of spirit for a time. What happened to me can be summed up in the phrase
"overtaken in a fault". What precipitated my being
"overtaken in a fault" is multi-fold: fears, ignorance and unresolved issues within; foolish and false brethren without. I had looked for help from others, but by in large what I received was an expensive pointed education not to trust others.
I wish I had the time to relate some of the things I went through and learned from those experiences. What I can say here is that when all others either failed to show themselves willing to go the extra mile and
"bear one another's burdens", or else pulled away and rejected me, or worse their lips were like honey, but they back-stabbed me (even
"my own familiar friend")...through it all...in spite of it all: in the end the one who did not leave me or forsake me - though I was certain if no one else had a right, he had every reason to reject and cast me aside - yet it was He who brought me up out of the pit and miry clay, and set me on a Rock. All flowery language perhaps, but there is little that can relate what the Lord does when he turns your captivity to liberty.
My wife was not willing to
"endure hardness as a good soldier", but
"grew weary in well-doing". She was and still to date is not willing to face her fears, and own spiritual failures. She is content to use me as her scapegoat. I don't say this to demean or dishonor her. It is just a fact. Sometimes a blessing is missed by a moment of time. We could have been a testimony to the real active true grace of God. I still pray for this. I pray she'll awaken from her stupor and I'll get a phone call or an unexpected visit, and hear her communicate how deeply grieved and sorry she is for not being willing to forgive me for my sins and iniquities, as she has been forgiven of the same herself by the Father.
I do not ask her to reconcile herself to her husband (me). Nothing would stop her from doing so, nothing has stopped her from doing so, save one thing: her unresolved anger directed towards the Only Being that had the power to keep her from having to undergo the suffering she experienced via her husband (all that was real and imagined).
So to encourage or admonish and plead with her to reconcile with her husband (me) is futile and unproductive. She must first and foremost seek reconciliation with and be reconciled to God. Once that is resolved, no one could keep her from seeking her husband out and be reconciled to him - me.
It is very late, I have not proof-read this, to see if what I've written here makes sense or has drifted off course. My hope is that there is something encouraging in it for you to help you in this time.
I encourage you to fervently pray, sing meaningful uplifting hymns and scripture passages, until you experience the glory of finding yourself in the presence of Spirit of God. It is there that you'll find the peace Paul speaks about that passes understanding; the entering into the rest the writer of Hebrews points to.
You will have to be careful not to allow yourself to grow weary of well-doing. Don't count on unsupported promises that God WILL bring your husband to his senses and home to you. God can and may. Just be willing to be trust the fact that whatever the future holds in that regard and other regards, the Lord is governed by his own eternal character and whatever he does or does not do or permits, he is still both in complete Sovereign control, "does all things well" and "even the wrath of man" will "praise" him and he'll restrain the residue that would not.
I wish I could speak to your husband. Not that it would have any effect on him, I don't know. But I can pray someone with insight and wisdom might come into his life that he might respond to, and see all that he is forfeiting, and all that he could have the more, if he would open his eyes and display the necessary faith and courage to seize upon it.
Have you failed him in any way that you have not taken to heart and made it right? I am not suggesting you have, or that his actions are your fault, not in the least. I just want you to be free of any and all things that he might be either angry at you about - if he is; or anything he might have sorrow over he thinks you are unwilling or unable to understand about him. I don't know the nature of his issues or your relationship, save you mentioned he has been unfaithful in the past.
If I have said anything that brings unnecessary sorrow or grief to you, please forgive me. If so, take into consideration, it was very late when I stumbled upon you post, but I did not want to turn a deaf ear to your plight. I am even much more...very tired right now; but wanted to lend you my ear and also try to encourage you as well. I hope I and others here have.
Bless you. Guard your mind and heart in the Lord. Turn your eyes upon Jesus as the song goes. Be a friend to your husband in spite of what he has done; and is perhaps yet to do. I am not speaking in a vacuum. If you would, you might ask the Lord on behalf of my own departed (deserted) wife, to bring her to her senses and put Satan to shame.
Bless you again.
p.progress
