Slowly Becoming Mute...

[NoddaProbBob]

I dunno what it is with myself. But I can feel myself slowly becoming mute.

Its kinda hard to explain.

Its almost like Im making myself become that way. I kinda feel like its useless for me to talk anyhow.

I feel like Im living a lie.
There are so many people who don't really know about what has happened to me, and I really feel like Im being untrue to myself. Because I know people will treat me different if they know what happened.

But Im not exactly rolling out the welcome wagon to whats happened either.

Ugh...

woe to the internal self struggles...


NoddaProbBob

 

[livingword26]

You are who you are. You are not what has happened to you. You will not be able to get healed, unless you tell someone what is wrong. Start here, on this forum, or tell someone in a private message, but get it out as soon as you can.

 

[lilymarie]

I dunno what it is with myself. But I can feel myself slowly becoming mute.

Its kinda hard to explain.

Its almost like Im making myself become that way. I kinda feel like its useless for me to talk anyhow.

I feel like Im living a lie.
There are so many people who don't really know about what has happened to me, and I really feel like Im being untrue to myself. Because I know people will treat me different if they know what happened.

But Im not exactly rolling out the welcome wagon to whats happened either.

Ugh...

woe to the internal self struggles...


NoddaProbBob

Hi NPB,

Sorry to hear you feel so down.

Are you really feeling a muteness as in not talking, or are you feeling more like a numbness, which can be a defense mechanism when one feels overwhelmed by a lot of pain.

However, we are here to listen if you do want to talk and there is also a blogging section if you might want to try to sort your feelings out there privately with your very own blogging thread.

Journaling or blogging can help because it's a process of letting go and letting God understand you.

And, then one day too, looking back and seeing how far you've come!

Do you have a Pastor, a Christian counselor or a therapist you can talk to also? Have you ever been to an abuse recovery group? It helped me so much! I was very fortunate to find some Christian ladies among the women's group to help strengthen me in The Lord also as I went through my healing process.

But, again, sorry to hear you are feeling so bad.

Jesus loves you.

 

[Gear853]

hi Nodda. the best way to start is to talk to someone about it! i'm sure i'm an not the only one here that is more than willing to lend you a ear or shoulder to cry on.

let someone know, talk about it, and pray to God that he will embrace you, and heal your pain.

 

[Hidden face_Hurting heart]

I know what you mean...I struggle to talk. There have been some days I just can't hardly make myself get any words out at all. Talking about things that bother me is even worse. I can usually type it out, but out loud, I open my mouth and just nothing comes out. My fiance has been trying to help me with that by being willing to listen and by not giving me the option of typing to him (it's a long distance relationship, but we use the internet phone), but it's still a huge struggle. Part of it is because I've never had anyone in person I *could* talk to about how I feel, so I just got into that habit of not doing it. If you can find someone in person who you can talk to, then that would be the best thing- someone who will encourage you to talk, but also understand the times when it's not possible. I'll pray that you find someone like that. I know how hard it is. I still don't have anyone like that in person, but my fiance is a great encouragement.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

thanks for the help all.

You all kinda have different questions, so I'll answer them, but seperatly.

@Living word... all I can really say, is that, most of the time, thats how I feel. Like I have a label.

@Lilymarie... well, it feels like both a numbness, and a just not wanting to talk feeling. And I don't have a pastor to talk to, or anything like that, and I haven't yet built up the courage to go to a group like that.

@ gear... thanks for the encouraging words. Its nice to know you have someone to fall back on.

@Hidden_face... I understand what you mean. I did have someone like that at one point in time. At one point I considered her my best friend, and then she said that my problems were too much for her to handle, so we couldn't be friends anymore. and ever since she's been snobby to me, and I try and talk to her, and she just ignores me like Im nothing. so its pretty easy to get discouraged...

 

[UnitynLove]

I am praying for you my sister, Amen.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

Thanks

 

[*~DJ~*]

I've been there, too. Still am sometimes. Trying to talk about it is the best way to go! I'm here if you need anyone.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

I don't want to talk though.

I mean, I know its necessary communcation, but I honestly don't think that anyone would care, nor would it matter anyhow if I said less.

*sorry having a bad night, sorry for the cynicalism*

 

[*~DJ~*]

I don't want to talk though.

I mean, I know its necessary communcation, but I honestly don't think that anyone would care, nor would it matter anyhow if I said less.

*sorry having a bad night, sorry for the cynicalism*

I'm here and I care. Everyone in this forum cares. It's really hard, but holing yourself up is not the way to go. You need to be around other christians right now. You don't have to say much until you are comfortable. Just be with them physically and watch them fellowship. It's a difficult and scary step, but it will help you feel better and help you on your way to healing.

 

[*~DJ~*]

The Bible tells us to deal with depression in the following way (by example of Elijah):
1)recognize God must be part of your solution from the start
2)deal with the physical and fatigue factors from the start-God caused Elijah to eat and sleep before the first word of counsel (1 Kings 19: 5-7)
3) Seek spiritual (or scriptural) counseling. (1 Kings 19: 9-10, 15)
4)Spend time in the presence of God in prayer and listening to His Word. (1 Kings 19: 9-14)
5)Get busy- stay active even when you don't feel like it (1 Kings 19: 15)
6)Find God's purpose for your life and fulfill it. (1 Kings 19: 15-17)
7)Recognize that you are not alone. (1 Kings 19: 18)
8)Get back around other people and develope good relationships. (1 Kings 19: 19-21)

 

[EbonNelumbo]

It's slightly ironic. I actually made a post about this in another forum...about a week ago.

I feel like there is no energy to talk and whatever comes out will fall on deaf ears.

When I do speak, I never express anything pleasent. People want me to "talk" about what is bothering me, and I cannot even formulate words.

It's like I'm sitting in the passenger's seat, watching the world on a stormy day, everything is too loud and fast to slow and speak, so it just continues to become blurred.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

odd beani- I couldn't have put it more perfectly myself