Sleeping together (but not sex, just sleep)

ashergol · Oct 20, 2014

Hi I am 52 & my Girlfriend is 31, she lives Interstate and wants to live closer to me, we are planning on renting a House together, I have One child from a previous Marriage, we are planning to get Marred next Year when my divorce is final. We would marry tomorrow if we could, but I wont have a divorce till January and we get marred in February, We want to sleep in the same bed and not have sex, we both decided not to ware any reveling cloths to avoid temptation and other issues. And not to shower or bath together as we want our wedding night to be special.

I dont feel it is crossing any Christian bounders. And dont feel it is wrong in Gods eyes. We always want to do what is honoring to God, would never dream of Sex outside marriage, and that why we want a special wedding night as a celebration

FutureAndAHope · Oct 20, 2014

Hi,

I personally would not do it. Especially in the same bed. If you must live together I would suggest separate beds. There is just too much room for temptation otherwise. Being unmarried passions are usually higher as well. I just think it is likely to lead to sin, regardless of how strong your faith is.

iambren · Oct 20, 2014

Proverbs 6:27 "Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?"

I think you are being naive. The warmth of a lover's body next to us is SO appealing but so is the natural sexual urges that God gives us. Separate beds are called for and you can look forward to the day when she will be yours COMPLETELY.

walkinginthelightnow · Oct 21, 2014

Jezebel spirit is powerful and has destroyed many,many men.

Alithis · Oct 21, 2014

ashergol said:
Hi I am 52 & my Girlfriend is 31, she lives Interstate and wants to live closer to me, we are planning on renting a House together, I have One child from a previous Marriage, we are planning to get Marred next Year when my divorce is final. We would marry tomorrow if we could, but I wont have a divorce till January and we get marred in February, We want to sleep in the same bed and not have sex, we both decided not to ware any reveling cloths to avoid temptation and other issues. And not to shower or bath together as we want our wedding night to be special.

I dont feel it is crossing any Christian bounders. And dont feel it is wrong in Gods eyes. We always want to do what is honoring to God, would never dream of Sex outside marriage, and that why we want a special wedding night as a celebration

-"Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.-

i was going to say more.. but the bible says enough...and posting that verse will get folks bristling at the seams without adding anything..

now enter the butbutbut crowd.

FutureAndAHope · Oct 21, 2014

michaelmynameIs said:
-"Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.-

i was going to say more.. but the bible says enough...and posting that verse will get folks bristling at the seams without adding anything..

now enter the butbutbut crowd.

Also

1Co 7:10-11 I instruct married couples to stay together, and this is exactly what the Lord himself taught. A wife who leaves her husband should either stay single or go back to her husband. And a husband should not leave his wife.

Alithis · Oct 21, 2014

FutureAndAHope said:
Also

1Co 7:10-11 I instruct married couples to stay together, and this is exactly what the Lord himself taught. A wife who leaves her husband should either stay single or go back to her husband. And a husband should not leave his wife.

just so the op doesn't think im being judgmental .. im remarried .. but I regret EVERYTHING that led to that.. that former life .
also I don't understand the dilemma when a partner divorces her husband against his will .in our country you don't need "grounds " to divorce ..one party merely needs to say "I don't want to be married any more .. " and pfft ..life as you knew it is down the gurgler

shows how low the sanctity of marriage has SUNK

ByTheSpirit · Oct 21, 2014

Props to you michael for posting that verse! Once while.I was witnessing to an ex stripper, she confessed she grew up in a SDA and was divorced and about to remarry and asked me for advice. I told her the very thing you just posted and man let me tell you things went cold VERY QUICK. Its a shame really.

Petruchio · Oct 22, 2014

ashergol said:
Hi I am 52 & my Girlfriend is 31, she lives Interstate and wants to live closer to me, we are planning on renting a House together, I have One child from a previous Marriage, we are planning to get Marred next Year when my divorce is final. We would marry tomorrow if we could, but I won’t have a divorce till January and we get marred in February, We want to sleep in the same bed and not have sex, we both decided not to ware any reveling cloths to avoid temptation and other issues. And not to shower or bath together as we want our wedding night to be special.

I don’t feel it is crossing any Christian bounders. And don’t feel it is wrong in Gods eyes. We always want to do what is honoring to God, would never dream of Sex outside marriage, and that why we want a special wedding night as a celebration

The Dutch Christians, including those in America, used to practice what is called "bundling" as a form of courtship. Basically a man and woman would be bundled up in a tight blanket, sometimes with something separating the two of them, and this was their solution for cold winter nights and the need for having time to talk to your lady.

Jonathan Edwards and other ministers, however, condemned it heavily, on the grounds that it could lead to fornication, while its defenders stated that if any hanky panky was going to happen, it would happen with or without the practice of bundling. They also dressed well clothed, and took other precautions when necessary.

The bottom line is, "follow your conscience."

Petruchio · Oct 22, 2014

michaelmynameIs said:
-"Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.-

i was going to say more.. but the bible says enough...and posting that verse will get folks bristling at the seams without adding anything..

now enter the butbutbut crowd.

It doesn't seem like he is going to be going back to his soon-to-be divorced wife, and we do not know the circumstances for the separation. Divorce is acceptable for grounds such as adultery, but, even bigger than this, we are no longer under the Law, but under grace, "so that we may be married to another, even Christ". A Christian should be forgiven for his sins, even an improper divorce, and we cannot force him to remain unmarried because of a mistake. God forgives, and if his conscience is clean, then God has washed him clean. There is no sin so big that we cannot start new.

Alithis · Oct 23, 2014

Petruchio said:
It doesn't seem like he is going to be going back to his soon-to-be divorced wife, and we do not know the circumstances for the separation. Divorce is acceptable for grounds such as adultery, but, even bigger than this, we are no longer under the Law, but under grace, "so that we may be married to another, even Christ". A Christian should be forgiven for his sins, even an improper divorce, and we cannot force him to remain unmarried because of a mistake. God forgives, and if his conscience is clean, then God has washed him clean. There is no sin so big that we cannot start new.

yes.. and under grace Christ in us fulfills all rightousness... not all sin.

walkinginthelightnow · Oct 23, 2014

If you are a man...you can't spoon prior to marriage and have no feelings of heightened emotions.

CGL1023 · Oct 26, 2014

walkinginthelightnow said:
If you are a man...you can't spoon prior to marriage and have no feelings of heightened emotions.

I'm sure I don't disagree but I wonder -- what is the scripture reference covering this situation?

ashergol · Oct 26, 2014

I think from what I understand of the Bile that in my case its ok, she was the one who left, and was the one who was abusive towards me causing metal issues, and endangering my child. I never God marred to divorce, tried everything to save it, I dot believe God wans anyone to abuse anyone else, and decently not children, and a child needs a stable mother, we decide on separate beds. and we believe that God brought us together, I know many divorced & remarried minsters which demonstrated Gods grace, and it dangerous to take One scripture and form a doctrine from it, this one thing I lent at bible collage. we all need to show grace to someone else's situation.

ashergol · Oct 26, 2014

michaelmynameIs said:
-"Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.-

i was going to say more.. but the bible says enough...and posting that verse will get folks bristling at the seams without adding anything..

now enter the butbutbut crowd.

I think from what I understand of the Bile that in my case its ok, she was the one who left, and was the one who was abusive towards me causing metal issues, and endangering my child. I never God marred to divorce, tried everything to save it, I dot believe God wans anyone to abuse anyone else, and decently not children, and a child needs a stable mother, we decide on separate beds. and we believe that God brought us together, I know many divorced & remarried minsters which demonstrated Gods grace, and it dangerous to take One scripture and form a doctrine from it, this one thing I lent at bible collage. we all need to show grace to someone else's situation.

jacktheman · Nov 23, 2014

r u frikin kidding?
if maintaining purity in this area is what you seek, then nothing short of living separately will do it..
unless you're superhuman..

dayhiker · Nov 24, 2014

You two should know each other well enough now to know if you can live together and keep true to what you desire.

I'm with you, I don't see anything wrong with you two moving in together.

Scottmcc1 · Nov 27, 2014

jacktheman said:
r u frikin kidding?
if maintaining purity in this area is what you seek, then nothing short of living separately will do it..
unless you're superhuman..

r u frikin kidding? Your not going to remain pure if you got any red blood in you.

yeshuaslavejeff · Nov 27, 2014

michaelmynameIs said:
-"Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.-

i was going to say more.. but the bible says enough...and posting that verse will get folks bristling at the seams without adding anything..

now enter the butbutbut crowd.

that's pretty simple and clear.... (the reasons don't matter).... just like if you are in a crowd and shoot someone because you think they are too tall. it is still a crime.

phydaux · Dec 10, 2014

Haven't read the whole thread yet.

"We want to sleep in the same bed and not have sex"

I am sure that is what you both want. In all honesty, I am 100% sure you are both genuinely sincere in that desire.

That isn't what is going to happen, though. What's going to happen is that you will try this, and on the second or third night one of you will crumble and the other will go along, and then Satan will put you both on a guilt trip.

Again, I am not trying to disparage you or your girlfriend, or besmirch your commitment to the Lord. I'm just saying that you both are living in a body of sinful flesh, just like I am.

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