Sister stopping husband from having access

[lavenderbees]

I wonder whether anyone knows what would be the right thing to do in this situation?

My sister has recently left her husband, after regaining contact with her ex-boyfriend. She is now trying to stop her husband from having any proper access to his child - he is only allowed supervised access, in public places, with her present. Their child is 3 years old now.

My sister and her ex-boyfriend used me, last year, to gain contact with each other. I therefore feel responsible (guilty) for what she is now doing to her husband. Should I try to help her husband as much as possilble to get proper access to his child? In order to do this, I would have to tell him all about the ex-boyfriend. Would that be right?

There are complications. My sister has told our extended family that her husband is mentally ill and not capable of looking after their child on his own. These claims are unfounded. The only problem her husband has is that he has a tendency towards depression but he has never had to take medication for this.

If I help her husband by testifying against her, she will turn my entire family against me and my husband. Do you think we should risk that?

 

[5kidsdad]

I don't know what to say, it is just a call for doing what you know is right. Sometimes you just have to ask the simple question, "what would Jesus do?" Then you just have to go, and do that thing. God rewards those that do the right thing, even when it is not the easiest thing to do. I will pray with you about it, and hope He gives you the direction that you are seeking.

God bless,

5kd

 

[savingme09]

I know this may be a tough question to answer, but what do you feel would be in the best interests of the child? I would use that to guide my decision.

Good luck. I know there isn't an easy solution to this issue.

 

[lavenderbees]

If I had been looking at what was best for her child, then I would never have gone along with her using me to gain contact with her ex-boyfriend. Unfortunately, I was only looking at this "poor pathetic defenceless victim" = my sister and feeling sorry for her. She put on such a good act of being depressed, misused, abused, etc that I believed her and felt sorry for her. I wish I had just told her to "get lost" and never had anything to do with it. (She also told me, at the time, that she had no intention of leaving her husband and going off with her ex-boyfriend. She said that her intentions were pure and innocent and that all she wanted was friendship.)

Now, she is showing her true colours. She is in the process of divorce and is painting a picture of her husband as a violent, abusive man. We have known this man for 14 years and we know that this picture of him is not true. We also know that he is a loving father. But she is using some things which he said when he was in a temper (and did not mean) against him in her divorce petition. She has stored up the things which he has said to her and is quoting things which he said years and decades ago.

The picture she is painting of him as a mentally ill, violent, abusive man may lead to him not being able to have proper access to his child. I know that this picture of him is not true and that he is a loving father. I never in a million years thought that she would try to stop him from seeing his own child. I feel so bad and guilty for having had anything to do with her gaining contact with her ex-boyfriend.

 

[BeanMak]

First off stop feeling guilty about the ex-boyfriend thing. What she has done is her own doing and you did nothing wrong.
Second, if what you know about the husband is the truth, don't let her lie to you. What she does to other family members is between them. Truth will come out eventually. You don't need to do anything about the other family members. If they have sense and have seen the husband as you have, they too will know the truth.

I am in the situation, that my dead husband's sister was saying all kinds of terrible things about her then husband. We knew the truth. After they finally divorced, it was she that lost the family's support. And 5 years later, I am married to her ex-husband. Isn't life odd?

 

[lavenderbees]

Thanks for reassuring me and helping me not to feel guilty about this.

Thank you all for your prayers too. I really appreciate that.

(That's great Beanmak. I'm so glad that it turned out well for you both in the end.)