Singles Ministry

[miss Karla]

Has anyone experienced a church where you feel welcomed and loved as a single person....and embraced?

Where am I coming from here? Well, I served in children's/family ministry for 8 years, and to be quite honest, not only did the church not minister to singles (by the way, singles were the only group of people they DIDN'T have programs for)...I as a single person was put down. It was a very bad experience for me...I'd never felt so taken advantage of. I'm coming around now...have become a member of a new church that is welcoming, which is all I ask. I was burned .... so am slowly getting a little more involved as time passes.

What are other's experiences like in the church as singles?

 

[RThibeault]

I am sorry to hear that. My wife and I are getting ready to start teaching a Singles' Sunday School class. I also have ministered with Singles in the past. You need to find some place where your needs are going to be met. There are Singles groups out there. You might just have to get out and find them.

 

[miss Karla]

The area I live in is very limited. Actually, right now I'm not really looking for a program persay, as much as just understanding as a single Christian. I guess my experience in the place where I served just really hurt me, and it has taken months for me to even start healing.

I've found a church where I feel welcome, but it has been a very long road to come back to the place where I am comfortable using my gifts as even a volunteer, and my plan was to dedicate my life to this service - I really felt a sense of calling.

I think I just burned out because in my position, the demands were high and people not only had no respect for my time (they didn't think I needed it because I was single) but actually put me down for being single. And, I went through a lot in that time - major illnesses of family members...and didn't get the Christian support I needed. It was really unfortunate.

I'm slowly getting through it....lots of time and prayer.

 

[RThibeault]

That is one of the problems with being Single. One of my biggest complaints was people always trying to fix me up with someone as though I was somehow incomplete. When the opposite was true.

 

[mannysee]

that's pretty sad if you were being put down for being single. A while back I was praying to find a church where the main teaching/preaching was from the bible. So after visiting a couple of large churches with lots of younger people and cheesy teaching/hype, i am now at a small church where the pastor's teach from the bible plainly. However, there is hardly anyone my age group here. People are either teenagers/young adults or alot older than me which i must admit makes me feel out of place when i go there (I began going there by myself). How I wish there were others here in my own age group. This is sooo hard.

 

[miss Karla]

mannysee -

It is hard...because it's hard to relate to others there. I am in a small church now, where they are accepting and it doesn't seem to be an issue that I'm single. But, I'm not that involved. I am going to teach VBS in a few weeks....I used to be a Family Ministry Director in a large church where VBS was one of the many programs I was in charge of. It's actually a big step for me. But, it's also one of my gifts and interests.

What happened to me at the last church, where I was a fulltime staff person, totally baffles me...how I could be put down with some being the very people I served. I'm still on the mend, but slowly getting there.

 

[mannysee]

thank God that he mends us.
Today i was praying again about hospitality in my church. I'm at the stage as a Christian where i don't want to go to a new church and not know people beyond a handshake/hello. Anyone else feel the same? For sometime now reading the scriptures i'm always coming across ones about serving one another in love. I really want to be in a place of service here, even if i long to have others my age group here. It's a fine line between looking over my shoulder to the big churches near me (lack of sound teaching) with all their younger people, and sticking it out here knowing that i should be following the bible's ways. However, perhaps this is a time of God working in me through this.
I hope that you do become mended. It really is better to love/serve others even if it is a risk.

 

[RThibeault]

It is always hard finding a new church where you will feel accepted. Sometimes you need to get involved in ministry on your own and let the church find you.

I did that after I finished seminary. I came back to town, and the church I started going to of the denomination I considered myself was too cliquish. So I started helping out with the city mission at lunch everyday, while church hopping to find the right church. Eventually I met this woman from a good church who invited me to her church and I found a church home. I loved attending this church until I went on the mission field to South Korea.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

I know how you feel. I'm currently not involved in a church because the one I went to last pretty much cast me aside because I was the ONLY single person there in their 30's. I could probably count on one hand how many other single people there were there and they were all at least in their mid 50's. Nothing wrong with that but those people are in a different stage in their life than myself. They have raised children and done all the 'normal' stuff. I didn't feel I had anything in common with them. My former church started doing the small group stuff and purposely stuck me in with college and career who didn't want me because they were all 20-25ish and thought some old, nerdy 35yr old woman just didn't fit in. I felt very unwelcome. I was never invited to anything. I was an afterthought. They didn't like the fact either that my work schedule prevented me from attending EVERY function. I guess maybe they had an all-or-nothing attitude. What's really sad....my former pastor is MY AGE.

The town I live in is also very limited. I too long to be with people my own age or at least into the mid 40's. I want to get involved in a church too and feel like I can get to know people beyond a hello and the occasional handshake. I just bought a new home last fall and I feel that God wants to use me/the home as a place to welcome my brothers and sisters and glorify Him. But.....

I don't know of any churches around me that give a care about singles (unless they are senior citizens). I'm too old for one group (college/career) and too young for the other. I feel burned, angry and probably even a little bitter.

 

[RThibeault]

I know it is hard to find a group or a church, but they are out there. The group we are starting is for people within that age range. Of course at this time we are not as selective as far as age. As we grow we will probably split off with more specific age groups.

For now though, we will minister to those who need fellowship until something better comes along.

 

[miss Karla]

HoosierCanuck -

I understand what you mean by feeling burned, angry and bitter. Since posting this, I have been healing even more. It takes time. For me, even though I don't know of any singles groups in the area, I have found fellowship in which I'm not put down for being single. Which is a big improvement for me.

 

[RThibeault]

HoosierCanuck -

I understand what you mean by feeling burned, angry and bitter. Since posting this, I have been healing even more. It takes time. For me, even though I don't know of any singles groups in the area, I have found fellowship in which I'm not put down for being single. Which is a big improvement for me.

Praise God. Sometimes the best way to receive healing is to help others heal. The same is true with finding a good singles' ministry. The best person to often start the best ministry is often looking at you in the mirror.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

HoosierCanuck -

I understand what you mean by feeling burned, angry and bitter. Since posting this, I have been healing even more. It takes time. For me, even though I don't know of any singles groups in the area, I have found fellowship in which I'm not put down for being single. Which is a big improvement for me.

Thanks Miss Karla. Even ANY group that didn't look down upon me because I'm not wealthy or good looking or whatever would be nice. It doesn't have to necessarily be a 'singles' group. It seems that the town I live in is in the dark ages and wants everyone to be clones. It's pathetic. Of course, I'm kind of a misfit. I'm not 'religious enough' to start any kind of ministry...especially because I have to work 1 1/2 jobs to keep the life together. Where I live, women are supposed to be subservient. An intelligent, independent woman such as myself is seen as a threat. It's people like me who are the downfall of society according to the locals. They just judge based on outward appearances without giving a chance. They don't know that I'm not a jezebel, an alcoholic, a drug user or anything like that. I'm just a single woman trying to find my place in the world and not having any luck, I'm afraid.

 

[Tumbleweed64]

HC dear, hold your head high and be proud of who you are look in the mirror at least once a day and say, " You are wonderful and God loves you"! and if all else fails, make funny faces at yourself til you burst out laughing

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Thanks Tumbleweed. I really think I'm okay with who I am for the most part. I just wish others didn't judge me before they get to know me. It's just sad.