Single Mom.......what? No man?

[Eph429]

I have been a single mom now almost all my adult life , and have come to the point when I think that I will never have that someone special. I've prayed and asked God for a God fearing man, someone who loves and worships Him as much, if not more, than I do.

I know I'm not un-attractive, but not vain either. I look around me and see couples who have had second chances and I think "Why not me Lord?". I do get lonely and I wish I had someone to share the burden with. My kids know only my morals, my values, etc. I am the only one who loves and disciplines them and I have to be peacemaker in the home.

I'm not looking for a father for my children, don't get me wrong. I've had to take all thoughts captive and make it obedient to Jesus regarding a husband. Jesus is, and has been for many years, the first and foremost in my life. I've become very comfortable with my own company, and wonder if there is now place for a man in my life? Would he come and disrupt my way of living?

I used to mourn the love that I don't have, and get all mushy when I see couples fall in love. I have basically now become hardened to that, and I don't want to. I want to fall in love, have someone who will love and cherish me. Someone I can pray with and fellowship with and worship our Father with.

I am being patient and waiting on the Lord. But I can't help feeling my life is moving on, with no memories to share with someone.

But the hardest part is, my kids are growing up without a father figure. How will my son know how to be a dad one day if he's not got a father figure in his life? And how will my daughter know how to be a wife if she doesn't have an example to go by? God is the Father and Husband in our home, but it's not the physical side of it. Does this make any sense?

I do wonder if I'll get a second chance at love. And I believe that the Lord knows my heart and my desires, but if it's His will that I be alone because He wants to use me for His purposes to bring people into His kingdom, then I will. I put His will above mine.

MuchLoved
J

 

[PassionateOne]

I just want to let you know that I was EXACTLY in your situation a year ago!!!!! I was soooooo frustrated because, like you, I felt I was ready to open up my heart again after the hurt from my divorce. I spent 2 1/2 years alone (my choice.....to heal) but then, I healed and I was ready. Month after month went by and 'nothing'. I have Joel Osteen's book and I had to read one particular chapter over and over again..."Trusting God's Timing" and here's a snipit:

"In the same way, God already has the answer to your prayers before you have the need. He has already been arranging things in your favor. And who knows, maybe 5 or 10 years ago, God spoke to somebody about the situation you're going thru right now, and he is shaping events to bring your paths together. You can't fake that sort of thing. You'd be foolish to try to manipulate such events. No, God is in control. You may not think anything is happening, but remember, God often works most when we see it and feel it the least. Learn to trust His timimg. Don't get in a hurry; don't grow impatient; don't try to force doors open. Don't try to make things happen in your own strength. Let God do it His way."

If I could give you money each time I read that chapter!!

8 more months went by and still I tried to be patient and then I met the most wonderful man, I could even have imagined!!!!And this is because I trusted God, 'tried' to be patient, and let Him lead me. So, believe me when I say, "I know EXACTLY how you feel". I've been a single mom for the last 4 years and have done it completely on my own.

God bless!

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I'm there too. I separated from my ex about 9 years ago when I was pregnant with my second child. My ds did get to see a good Christian man in action through my dad until he died 5 years ago, but my dd was too young to even remember him.

I want a husband for myself-sooner rather than later before these hormones are wasted, but I ache for my kids to have a Christian male role model in their lives before they get much older. And I hope that God and I are in agreement here.

May I ask what you are doing to make yourself available for a good man to find you?

 

[overit]

Eph, my heart goes out to you. I also raise them alone, their dad is in the city and sees them but is in all actuality not very involved, he is however their dad even in small capacity, not exactly a role model to them either. On the other hand, my children do have my dad and my brother, they are particularly close to my brother and look up to him a lot. So in a way God has provided other role models for them. Do your kids have this?As for you? Well, I wonder that also, I had the opportunity to have that change not to long ago but then decided not to, yes I had the second chance at love but it's not necessarily what you may think it is or right for you, it wasn't for me. Yes, someone to love and them to love you back is nice, but honestly, not a dying necessity IMO. I think if you loved once in life you are blessed, and though a second chance would be great it's not without other issues. The blending of families is difficult and also divorce rates for 2nd marriages are higher, period! Yes there are those that have that 2nd chance and live happily ever after, good for them but it's not the norm. I guess the way I see it is that don't believe your kids will end up badly because they don't have their dad, seek out other role models for them (male), in the church, family members. Refuse to believe for one minute that they will be any less wonderful children of God then if they had a dad there. How many kids have a mom and dad at home yet their relationships are a business or their is strife or no love. I rather them have one happy, single loving parent then two in discord kwim? I'm not saying this to tell you you shouldn't desire to be with someone, but to encourage you that you have much in your life now, and don't let the fear of how your children will be down the line make you move to find someone either kwim?If it happens, it happens. I guess for my situation, I almost prefer not to be involved in a serious relationship into they are much older or even out of the home, then I have time for my own love life and still have decades ahead of me and don't have to put them through anything that may or may not work out, a marriage that may or may not last. It's not a risk worth taking and I won't put their little hearts and wellbeing on the line again for my own hapiness thinking blindly that if I'm happy and we're good that the kids are good and that it is what is best for them. It rarely is in fact. A single parent is more then capable of raising wonderful children without anyone, if you find someone and you desire that you can ask God and if He knows this is what is best for you, He'll open the doors to a second chance. Hugs for you, I know how heavy the load is, but relationships can also bring a whole different type of load with them also

 

[Gimpy]

My heart does go out to you all, especially you Eph. You are one of my friends. I like you a lot. If I lived in South Africa near you, who knows what God might do. But I do not. I am thousands of miles away. I too am tired of not having anyone in my life.
That being said, I am glad you are all so patient instead of making mistake after mistake like I have seen so many times. I believe you truely love God. You are all wise, kind and loving women. God Bless you all and may he continue to guide you through all facets of your lives.

 

[Eph429]

Thank you ladies and Gimpy for blessing me so with your responses.

May I ask what you are doing to make yourself available for a good man to find you?

I'm very wary to make myself available to men my friend, I don't socialize because I wouldn't want to give the wrong impression . I have not had a date in ...I can't remember how long.

On the other hand, my children do have my dad and my brother, they are particularly close to my brother and look up to him a lot. So in a way God has provided other role models for them. Do your kids have this?As for you? Well, I wonder that also, I had the opportunity to have that change not to long ago but then decided not to, yes I had the second chance at love but it's not necessarily what you may think it is or right for you, it wasn't for me.

My children are 14 (son) and 11(daughter). I've raised them on my own since my daughter was 18 months old. They do see the men at my church as role models, but they're not entirely father figures. I have a brother who is also saved but we hardly see him (my brother and I are very close and when we do see him it's fantastic).

I was engaged about 2 years ago, thought this man was for me, from my church. I would have been married by now, but I knew I did not love this man as he deserved to be loved. Anyhow, the Lord was dealing with him in areas in his life and he was sapping my strength. I had prayed about this and the Lord told me that this was not the man He had chosen for me. I knew that deep within myself and broke it off with him. Looking back now I would have been a desperately unhappily married woman. He and I are still friends tho, and the Lord has taken him to Sudan, where he belongs (his work). It never would have worked out. At that time I was extremely lonely and was looking for love, but I wasn't love. We kept ourselves pure of course.

My heart does go out to you all, especially you Eph. You are one of my friends. I like you a lot. If I lived in South Africa near you, who knows what God might do. But I do not. I am thousands of miles away. I too am tired of not having anyone in my life.
That being said, I am glad you are all so patient instead of making mistake after mistake like I have seen so many times. I believe you truely love God. You are all wise, kind and loving women. God Bless you all and may he continue to guide you through all facets of your lives.

My sweetheart Gimps , you are so very precious and I thank God that I've met a beautiful friend in you. Thank you for your kind words.

The reason why I left my ex-husband was because of his violence, and I knew that I would rather raise my kids in a happy single parent home, than an unhappy turbulant double parent home. I am proud of my children, they are stable and secure and we have the Lord in our house.

I am being patient, and waiting on God, He has moulded me and built up my strength like you cannot believe, but I can't help slipping every now and then and cry because I want to grow old with someone, have those memories. I like myself and I know that I would make someone a good wife. And I know it's in God's time. I often tease that the Lord is busy preparing someone to meet me and my kids, we can be abit loony (laughs), and it'll be Chris Tomlin

Jokes aside, I have to trust in my Father, it's as simple as that. He's in control.

MuchLoved
J

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I'm very wary to make myself available to men my friend, I don't socialize because I wouldn't want to give the wrong impression . I have not had a date in ...I can't remember how long.



I I had prayed about this and the Lord told me that this was not the man He had chosen for me. I knew that deep within myself and broke it off with him.

I'm not sure what you mean about giving the wrong impression? I'm talking about being in places (physically or cyberly) where you can meet single Christian men. The church where I'm a member and where my kids go has no one for me. We're told to ask, seek, and knock. There's a few verbs there. Maybe your church has some possibilities for you. I meet so many women who are stuck in a rut and just lament not meeting someone, but aren't willing to do anything different.

Kudos to you for ending a relationship you knew wasn't right. I did love my ex-bf, but in my heart I knew he wasn't treating me how I needed a future husband to be treating me. I don't really have any regrets for how long I dated him. I would rather be sure than wondering if I should've stuck it out. And not everyone stays pure in dating, so give yourself some credit there too. How much more painful that would've been if I had given in to his pressure.

 

[Eph429]

I'm not sure what you mean about giving the wrong impression? I'm talking about being in places (physically or cyberly) where you can meet single Christian men. The church where I'm a member and where my kids go has no one for me. We're told to ask, seek, and knock. There's a few verbs there. Maybe your church has some possibilities for you. I meet so many women who are stuck in a rut and just lament not meeting someone, but aren't willing to do anything different.

I don't know. Giving the wrong impression that "I've been on my own so long now that I might seem desperate, or making a mistake" kind of impression? The scary thing is that if a man had to look twice at me and pay me compliments, I'll melt, and my thoughts will be directed at him instead of Jesus. In all honesty, I shy away from that because I don't want to have impure thoughts.

 

[Gimpy]

You are a strong woman Eph. I truely admire you for that. God will bless you and your children for your faithfulness.

 

[ludovica]

I too am in that same situation. My husband and I divorced in 1999 and I had one boyfriend since (before I was saved) He treated me *really badly* and I ended up alone and suicidal which is when Our Lord stepped in
Ok well here's me I've been celibate and alone now through my "prime" and now I'm on the downhill slope and wondering whether to settle for that.
In a way its almost a good thing that there aren't any suitable Christian men about as the idea of marrying again is SO scary.. but I have to admit it would be nice to have companionship or even just a Christian male friend to talk to

 

[hope4today]

My heart goes out to you too. I understand that although we're trusting God and know that it is better to be single than married to the wrong person, some days it is just a bit overwhelming and we need to cry out to our Father and brother's and sister's. I had one of those cry outs yesterday on another christian board and was uplifted by the encoragement of my online friends. I also understand how you can know that Jesus is your husband and father to your children, but still miss and desire the physical presence of that. I know our Father, through Jesus, understands our humanity and pain.

Here's the best hug I can give you from so far away, but it comes from the heart

I'm new in this group and look forward to getting to know you all. Sounds like you are doing a great job and I too admire and respect your strength and commitment to end a relationship that didn't seem right. I know how hard that can be when the person is godly, loving and giving you many of the things you miss. I'm in the middle of doing that now and hearing you tell your story has encouraged me to be strong in my situation. Thank you.

Bless you heaps,

Hope

 

[Eph429]

Oh Hope, welcome my sister. And thank you and Ludovica for your kind encouraging words.

Yes, Jesus is our Father and husband, and yes, we still need that physical contact, telling us we are loved, we are accepted, and everything will be ok. Every now and then I get this strange, almost excited expectant feeling in my being toward someone that I don't even know. I don't know if that makes sense? It's almost like he's around the corner and I can feel him, then it goes away.

I don't dwell on the love I don't have, I can't afford to. I do totally trust in God and know that He knows best for me. And the thing is, that I am a woman, with woman's needs, and not just sexually, but being treated like a woman and not only being in the "mother" role. Does this make sense? I would love to be wined and dined, spoilt a little bit, made a fuss over, etc.

 

[ludovica]

Oh Hope, welcome my sister. And thank you and Ludovica for your kind encouraging words.

Yes, Jesus is our Father and husband, and yes, we still need that physical contact, telling us we are loved, we are accepted, and everything will be ok. Every now and then I get this strange, almost excited expectant feeling in my being toward someone that I don't even know. I don't know if that makes sense? It's almost like he's around the corner and I can feel him, then it goes away.

I don't dwell on the love I don't have, I can't afford to. I do totally trust in God and know that He knows best for me. And the thing is, that I am a woman, with woman's needs, and not just sexually, but being treated like a woman and not only being in the "mother" role. Does this make sense? I would love to be wined and dined, spoilt a little bit, made a fuss over, etc.

I know what you mean Eph... It's a worry that it would be very easy to make a terrible blunder thinking someone was "serious" when they were merely being "charitably friendly" This is the main reason I stopped looking, because I'm scared of the flights of fancy my sinful body might take me on

 

[covenantwmn]

My heart does go out to you all, especially you Eph. You are one of my friends. I like you a lot. If I lived in South Africa near you, who knows what God might do. But I do not. I am thousands of miles away. I too am tired of not having anyone in my life.
That being said, I am glad you are all so patient instead of making mistake after mistake like I have seen so many times. I believe you truely love God. You are all wise, kind and loving women. God Bless you all and may he continue to guide you through all facets of your lives.

God bless you for this post. You have a kind and caring heart.

 

[Gimpy]

God bless you for this post. You have a kind and caring heart.

Thank you.
I really would like to be kind and caring. But it is just easy to see and state the obvious. God Bless you

 

[MyHeart07]

Eph,

I haven't got much to say at this late hour, but I just want you to know that I know exactly how you feel.

I'm there. Aside for a 3 year relationship after my divorce in 1995. I have not had a single date. Like you I am attractive, intelligent, fun to be with, I have lots of love to give. I have a wonderful friend in the UK who will be visiting in September and we both feel that we have a special relationship and if something is to develop from this, we have put it in God's hands but there is definitely "something there"

So keep trusting God and remember. "All things work together..."

 

[Mark2010]

My heart goes out to all of you ladies. There are guys who feel the same way.

 

[ludovica]

My heart goes out to all of you ladies. There are guys who feel the same way.

They don't live round my way though!

 

[TrueHope]

EPH, Through reading these posts, you show me that you are very wise and God fearing which is WONDERFUL! I went through a period where I was a single mother too. Then God brought me my beautiful Christian husband...when I was NOT a Christian. I love this man with all my heart! And we have dealt with some very serious issues together and have made it through!

I, like you, was in a violent relationship. We suffered for 8 years in fear. You are blessed to have gotten your children out while they were young. My oldest suffers mental torment on who she is and I know it is from past memories and demands from her biological father. Now they rebel against Christ, I wonder if it is for the same reasons I did when I was young.....If You are a loving God, Why me.....syndrome.

I think it's awesome that you are so strong in your faith!!!! God's timing, I have found is NEVER our timing!

I met my husband in the middle of the "I hate all men" stage. And one night after being so angry, I demanded from God....And I was really rude too! Exactly what I wanted! Then I said...forget it...I'll turn Lesbian. (Not meaning it...out of anger)

6 months later, he brought me exactly what I wanted in the aspects I demanded. (I wish I had asked for a few other things....like....will sleep regular hours and take care of himself health wise...but I think he is answering that one right now..LOL) And our first meeting was like a fairy tale!!!! And DEFINITELY not my timing! Infact, I wasn't ready to meet anyone at all. But this loud voice shouted at me...and I listened...the same thing happened to my husband!

So don't worry about timing. I think you are very wise and safe and cautious, which is a wonderful thing! God has given you strength, love and faithfulness in Him....and that is the most important thing! I am really glad to have read these posts!

God Bless you!

 

[hope4today]

Oh Hope, welcome my sister. And thank you and Ludovica for your kind encouraging words.

Yes, Jesus is our Father and husband, and yes, we still need that physical contact, telling us we are loved, we are accepted, and everything will be ok. Every now and then I get this strange, almost excited expectant feeling in my being toward someone that I don't even know. I don't know if that makes sense? It's almost like he's around the corner and I can feel him, then it goes away.

I don't dwell on the love I don't have, I can't afford to. I do totally trust in God and know that He knows best for me. And the thing is, that I am a woman, with woman's needs, and not just sexually, but being treated like a woman and not only being in the "mother" role. Does this make sense? I would love to be wined and dined, spoilt a little bit, made a fuss over, etc.

It makes perfect sense, I understand what you are saying entirely. There is something comforting in knowing many of us have similar feelings, all the while trusting our loving and gracious Father. I thank God for a place such as this where we can express our desires, pain, sorrow and joys to each other, sharing each other's burdens and encouraging each other.

He understands our needs and desires. Your faith in him is clear and I know you will continue to rest in the love of our Father, knowing he will provide the best for you, his precious daughter, in the best time.

Thank you for sharing your faith in the midst of your pain, which has been such an encouragement.

His mercy and faithfulness endure forever