Single Feels A Hurtful Setback

[MKFBC]

Christian Singles, How do you feel about this?

Sometimes we get to know singles and we learn they are divorced.

I am a good friend with one. I have to be there to listen and I have been one of the few she has opened up to. A great mother to two boys. Moved on and went back to school (finishing up student teaching).

I have been careful about how I handle my friendship. With some divorced, you do meet their ex's. I met him. Her ex was polite, was doing well, and in lived in Central Texas not too far where my family and second home are.

I should have been of good cheer at our Sunday night fellowship. My friends, both are single and married, asked me if I was all right. I had a good time at the fellowship but I was not 100% good cheer. The news that I was told was surprise and disappointment.

Please hear me out. I am telling myself why I should I accept this. I am telling myself this is why it can be hard to be single. Not enough Christian singles to go around for a Christian single guy.

Her ex proposed to her and she said yes. I know I must have been the first one she told. I should have been happy but I was not. I feel that a bigger injustice may be coming. Divorce can be hard enough. If it didn't work the first time, chances are good that it will not a second time. I cannot wish her well if I cannot feel this will work.

Like I said before, we are good friends. I have been careful how I have conducted myself with her. If I asked her out, we would go as friends. She once told me that in her heart, I don't feel single. Now, hearing this about her new engagement, I wonder if my friendship has been in vain. I wonder how many Christian single guys had to hear this line "in my heart, I don't feel single" and be turned down.

This is a terrible setback. I care about her and her two boys. I have seen people hurt by this kind of reconciliation. I CAN'T and DON'T WANT to accept this. Someone who has been through something like this can do better. Why is it that the ex's, the ones where the marriage did not work for them, have to come and RUIN it for the unmarried, single guys who do not like to be lonely and are looking. I HATE THIS. If there is a wedding, do not send me an invitation. I have been to enough happy weddings and want to keep that way. Why do I have be a witness to something sacred where it did not work the first time? To be honest, if they ask for my blessing as a friend, I will say no.


It would help to have feedback and opinions. Would you do and say? Would you get involved, say something, and how? If you have any vents or experiences about going through something like this, I would like to hear.

 

[Living4Him03]

Seems like she was using you as a shoulder to cry on. I think from the friendship with her you've learned a lesson...really find out about someone before you let your heart become involved (ie. romance). It seems you've fallen for her at some level and would like to have asked her out as more than friends, if the ex were not in the picture. That has to be very frustrating. The rates of divorce in this country are just astounding to me. I would think that now is the time to just be a friend and support her...she is making her own choices, whether you agree or disagree. Support doesn't mean you have to give her your blessing. Tell her the concerns that you have with her getting married to her ex again. Let her decide if she wants to listen. There is a wonderful woman out there who is also looking...I know single women who aren't divorced and who are over like 20 is kinda hard to find (i'm not kidding!), but there are women out there. Just a side note, don't discount younger women...we are out there! And some of us are not immature and are quite independent and intelligent! Keep looking and God bless! I pray God will give you peace about this situation and help your friend make the right choice.

 

[Katty]

I personally think its unfair for you to classify every single male or female who has divorced into this category. I would think that if a marriage "failed" in the first place and that person decides to marry again, if they've grown up from the last time, things would be A LOT better the second time around. It sounds like you're just hurting because you aren't with this woman on a more personal level. How is it that you would think that your friendship with this woman was in vain? Are you disappointed because something didn't stem from your friendship with her? If you have true feelings for her, I would think that you'd be just as hurt and disappointed if the guy who proposed to her was not her ex.

~Katty~

 

[klewlis]

I know you're hurting so you may not like what I have to say... for that I'm truly sorry but I feel it needs to be said:

Considering all of our talk lately about divorce and its results, I think it is a wonderful thing for a divorced couple to seek reconciliation. That really is the ideal biblically. It may be true that the odds are stacked against them, or that they will have some very difficult issues to deal with--but that simply means that as a friend you need to be praying for them all the more, praying for their success and happiness.

I know that it is *really* hard to pray for a couple when you are hurting because of them. Be sure to take some time for healing too, and pray for that as well. God is faithful. Ask for the grace to accept it and to be supportive... it will take time.